New chapter starts today

Let me start with a little background for you, for four years I was out of work and I was taking care of the house and making sure that my mother was taken care of after my father passed away from a heart attack. It was a shock to everyone and I can say with certainty that my father touched a lot of people’s lives (which was clear thanks to his funeral which turned into standing room only after everyone else was seated).

It was at 23 that I became the parent and my mother became the child. I am not saying this is a bad way or a cruel dig at my mother, she went through a trauma and I stepped up to take care of her during that trauma. 

During those four years I cooked, cleaned, took care of the bills, watched my mom succumb to depression and watch her heath deteriorate. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I was plenty depressed and while I hid my emotions from the world, I was drowning in the allure of food that was terrible for me. At the time I was probably 160 pounds, which for me was good (I have an hourglass shape so I looked healthy even though I could have definitely lost some more weight) but at the end of the four years, I ballooned to 280 pounds. I wasn’t only miserable about my father’s passing and taking on the stress of a household but I was further depressed because of my weight.  Now when people gain weight from depression they have a couple options, they can face their problems head on or they can continue to wallow in self pity and doubt…I was the latter. I knew in my mind that I could fix the problem and that all I had to do was eat healthy and exercise, I mean hello, I was a freaking vegan for goodness sakes who fell off the wagon and started eating anything and everything that I could get my hands on. 

In 2013, I finally had a revelation and decided to do something with my life because honestly this is not where I was supposed to be. Back in the day I was on the move to California to because….surprise surprise an actress. It was something that I always wanted to do and I have always felt that I needed my hand in the entertainment industry (you should see my obsession with up fronts every single year, I critique like my life depends on it) but of course being the weight that I am, I knew I would never make it in the entertainment business unless I was typecast as the unattractive overweight best friend because you know, god forbid, overweight women be considered attractive. So I decided to go ahead and fall into a career at Sephora inside of JC Penney which is different then the freestanding locations that you see inside malls. No I will not go into a huge explanation of how it is different but I will say that it is basically owned by JC Penney’s and the girls that work there, work for JC Penney not Sephora. We still work our asses off and we do custom makeovers as well as express services but the freestanding Sephora’s do not claim the girls that work at the JC Penney location but lets not get into that right now. All I will say is the girls that I work with at Sephora are absolutely fantastic, they work extremely hard and they have fun with what they do. They are all talented in their own way and I absolutely love each one and have formed great friendships with the girls at my work. It is rare that you can get a group of women together and they get along but I can honestly say that we are do get along.

Anyways so I decided to work at the JC Penney location and I was first offered a job in the women’s department for minimum wage, which I gladly took because hey I wasn’t making money for the past 4 years, so any money is good for me. Then when I went in for training, I found out that I would be working for Sephora for a lot more then minimum wage. I was trained for about 3 weeks for Sephora and was put on the floor in the place that I absolutely love. Yes my name is Samantha and I am obsessed with cosmetics and skincare. Cosmetics is my addiction and I can say at this point (one year after working for Sephora) I pretty much own the entire store. So much for making money, I am apparently really good about making money and then immediately giving it back to my work. One of the girls I work with said that I would be the perfect personal shopper and really I would. I am excellent at spending my own money, just think how great I am at spending other people’s money! When she told me about being a personal shopper I shared my story about how, while I am happy at Sephora and absolutely love my job, I don’t feel comfortable where I am in life. I just turned 28 and I let her know that I wanted to be an actress or at least some part of the entertainment industry. I told her about my hopes and dreams and how they are slowly fading away the longer I stay here. I remember her listening intently and then telling me to follow my dream and do what makes me happy. That she could see me working in the entertainment industry and excelling at it, so it was that day that I decided to do something about my life and make a change for the better…to make me happy. I have no children, no husband or boyfriend, this is my time to be free. I have done my duty as a daughter and have taken care of my mother, who is finally starting to be more like herself and remembers to take her medications without me reminding her (of course I am the one that orders them for her still but hey that takes all of 10 seconds I think I can manage that). 

So that is why I am writing this blog, to take account of my self and my body. Today starts a new chapter in my life and while I doubt anyone will read this, I know in my mind that if I just put myself out there, at least I am taking account for myself. I start my journey on, of all days, Memorial Day. This weekend I have my first 5k (the Color Run) and it is time to better myself and my myself happy. Will I make it in the entertainment industry? Who knows but damnit I am going to try my hardest and be the best person that I can be. What do they say, if you put good out there in the world, good things will come to you, right.

Edited: I should add that I have started my weightloss already, I went back to a vegan diet and I have alrealy lost 30 pounds :)


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