- Share This Post
- submit
- 2
-
Sparkle (0)
It's still difficult for me to imagine being in a new relationship. It's not even three months since the break-up, and I'm just beginning to truly look more forward than back. But, I know time marches on and you never know what's going to happen, really, so it's good to be prepared. And I'm ready for some change.
I know myself and what I want pretty well, but I'm ready to kick some relationship items up into the high-priority tier. And mind you, when I say resolution, I mean it. These aren't desires, these are needs. These are changes I need to make going forward. I'm also hoping that changing how I feel about these items will help with the rise of potential problems between months three and six and deciding what's a dealbreaker after you've already developed feelings for someone. Previously, I have allowed these items to weigh less in the cost/benefit analysis of it all. I need to give them more weight.
I'm embarrassed to admit that there's some overlap here with my post from June 2008, Relationship Resolutions. Although, there *are* some items on that list that I definitely nailed. So to speak.
OK, the first one is the biggie: Communication. If we lined up every guy I've dated since arriving in L.A., you'd see one heck of a diverse group of guys. But after this last break-up I realized one quality occurred more often than not: Piss Poor Communication Skills. Throughout a relationship, one tends to think this is something you can work on. I likely think this because I have been someone who tries to work on their communication skills since undergrad. But what happens - again and again and again - is that I get dumped and I'm caught by surprise because I date men unable to express problems within the relationship. Rarely do I hear, "This really bothers me," or "I don't know if I can live with this." No, everything's fine until that fabulous moment you realize something's changed - and asking about it won't get you anywhere either, because EVEN THEN the person can't communicate the issues.
Yeah, so that's fun and I'm done with it. There are plenty of people in this world - YES, MALE AND FEMALE - who know how to use their words just fine. I'm not the world's greatest communicator either, but when you care about a person, you respect them enough to talk to them when something's wrong. Or right, for that matter.
Number two: Sleep. I need to get enough sleep. Which means I can't have dates that start at 9 or 9:30pm on a weeknight. In too many relationships, I think I've made poor choices out of being constantly overtired. Not only that, but why is it impossible living hell for someone else to ever go to bed early, but I find myself staying up and up and up? I do it to myself, and I've got to stop it. I don't even mind crashing first - it's not like I care if I'm going to bed by myself and the other person is staying up, but I end up in these relationships where I feel bad if I'm tired at 10 or 11 p.m. I've got to somehow accept that I've got to get to bed and get my sleep, even when I don't want to. And I've got to date someone who cares enough about me to want me to get my sleep.
And finally: Affection. I love being affectionate, and it's important to me for that to continue in public. Not like "get a room" level, but hand-holding, hugging, little kisses. I respect that some people are really not into this, but it's really difficult for me when I'm dating someone like that. This is another one I have difficulty prioritizing because so many other things seem so much more important - but, I think it's time to fully admit how important this is for me. I struggle with fear and insecurity, and when all it takes to salve that is a small measure of public affection. Well, when I look at it that way it seems absurd *not* to prioritize it.
So those are my New Decade Relationship Resolutions. Have you got any?
~
Linky Goodness:
Jamy from Grateful Dating makes an interesting relationship resolution in her post, Habits, and clarifies it in the fourth paragraph of her next post, Social Fail.
Fragileheart (love that name!) makes a relationship resolution in her post, Goodbye 2009.
Darlene
