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If you are growing weary of developing your brand and social media followers the slow, old-fashioned way -- you know, based on meaningful content and conversation-driven relationships -- today might be your lucky day. Customer experience experts Ant's Eye View has released a new service, FanAuction, that promises to accelerate your success by allowing you to bid on or sell madassive bundles of social media friends and followers.
From the FanAuction website:
With Ant’s Eye View’s FanAuction™, the system to help you Get Fans Now™, you won’t have to invest any more time or money to create relationships with customers!
Using our patent-pending High Enterprise-Level Maturity Advocate Acquisition Platform™, you can start building long-term business value in a short amount of time: overnight. (In some cases, it’s just minutes.) Whether you need 10,000 new fans for next Tuesday’s Tweetup, or 100,000 fans tomorrow for your company’s Facebook fan page on substrate drilling in the Gulf of Mexico just in time for Congressional hearings, FanAuction™ can get you the fans you need, at a price you can afford. It’s fans for everyone.
Sure, dark channel purchasing of fans is readily accessible from other (ethically questionable) sources, but FanAuction designed an algorithm to make sure that buyers are securing good fans, not crappy, shell account fans.
Finally, there’s a way to know exactly how much a fan is worth, down to the cent. Using actuarial tables from our partnership with Lloyd’s of London, along with our other partners Equifax, TransUnion and Experian, as well as TechCrunch, FanAuction’s Objectivist Engine™ calculates the true value of a fan by multiplying their social capital, credit rating and TechCrunch’s highly anticipated CoolCred rating system, then comparing that to other proprietary data we collect. (The Objectivist Engine™ is based on the writings and mathematical theories of the writer and theorist Ayn Rand.)
Still, though, is this right? And is it even necessary for bloggers to consider as an investment, since bloggers offer the type of meaningful follower engagement that doesn't need artificial augmentation? BlogHer reached out to the Ant's Eye View team for more information. Ben McConnell, VP, Ant's Eye View, SVP of Lexiconigraphical Engineering, explained:
"BlogHer has 20 million readers and fans? Not bad… For rookies. Listen, do you want to stay at 20 million or do you want 20 billion tomorrow? It's up to you."
Um...
So, yeah. Ant's Eye View's brilliantly satirical FanAuction is their 2011 contribution to the Internet's grand tradition of April Fools' jokes. Well executed, meta-rific, sector- and application- skewering dupes are delightfully sprinkled throughout the net today, as in year's past. Geeks love April Fools' Day, and some of us love to hunt through sites and services for the best Easter Eggs and riffs to be found on this glorious spring day.
The best gags poke fun at the ridiculousness inherent in contemporary life -- like Ant's Eye View did with their CoolCred rating system. Or the pranks highlight the absurdity of some of our passions, distractions and affections. O, Internet, you recursive beast searching for yourself through your own search engines, today is your day to shine.
Here are some of the best punks I've found today:
- The esteemed BBC considers 3D radio.
- I kind of love Toshiba's PetBook, a laptop for dogs. Rawhide casing! As an admitted Dog Spoiler, I want.
- Google is a master at April Fooling. This year they introduced GMail Motion (it's exercise AND productivity!) YouTube celebrates 1911 with silent movie functionality, and Search busts on our font phobia: search for "Comic Sans" and the entire page will appear in the font. (Search for "Helvetica" and you'll also get Comic Sans, which is just cruel. If you want even more Comic Sans, give this post a try!)
- Speaking of bad fonts and time travel, Hulu looks like it was scripted in the 90s. My eyes, my eyes!
- Kodak offered a Relationshiffft Automated Person Purge feature to help you remove unwanted exes from your photographs. So much better than ripping photos in half!
- WestJet's took the weird science approach: they announced that they are adding helium to planes to save on fuel costs. The video escalates the humor at about the .37 mark. Awesome.
- Even the U.S. Department of Commerce is playing along today. They installed an Easter Egg game on their site to run on April 1 only.
- Some sites help you play April
