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The New Season of Parenthood & That Pesky Adoption Storyline

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I was so excited to sit down and watch the new season premiere of Parenthood last night. Then DishNetwork decided to have HD and local channel coverage fails left and right, so I had to wait until this morning to watch it on Hulu. During my non-watching pout-fest, people were kind of enough to send me some emails and tweets warning me of the adoption storyline unfolding for Julia and Joel.

I'm glad they did, or my head might have exploded when I did watch.

Julia has unexplained uterine scarring, as I talked about last season when I feared that the might knock up Haddie and go the in-family adoption route. Instead, Kristina (her mom) is pregnant (and isn't she an adorable pregnant mama?). This season brought back the adoption storyline out with Julia trying to remake their adoption profile video to mention Lady Gaga because no one had picked them in six months. (Of note: If you mentioned Lady Gaga in your profile or, if I could think of a comparable 2003 pop star, I would have rolled my eyes. I can't think of anything less important to know about a family that I want to parent my child.)

Courtesy of NBC

The next time we see Julia, she's at work asking the "Latte Girl" if she's pregnant. She is, though I'm not sure how Julia thought it was appropriate to ask this young woman if her not-even-visible-under-her-apron belly was in fact a baby bump. But, whatever. Julia later apologizes, which the Latte Girl accepts because "she's not keeping the baby." For once -- FOR ONCE -- Julia is stunned to silence. Thank goodness. I talk a lot, but that woman doesn't shut up.

Later, Julia is talking with her sister Sarah about "buying" the Latte Girl's baby. Later she uses the same terminology with her husband. The first time I think it was intended to be a joke, but it fell flat. The second time it was just creepy. In the previews for the rest of the season, we see Julia actually ask Latte Girl if she can adopt her baby.

And that brings us to my opinions.

Really?

This is the best we can do, NBC writers? This? This is it?

Perhaps there is hope to be had. Maybe Julia will come around to recognizing that Latte Girl is a real woman, a real mother with a name, feelings and an issue that is above and beyond what she (Julia or Latte Girl, really) can even begin to comprehend. Maybe they will bond. Maybe this will be the show that depicts what an open adoption can be -- real and awkward and messy and joyous and awful and everything in between. It wouldn't be far-fetched for the Braverman family to pull Latte Girl into their fold; they're a big family with lots of love. And judgment, though they usually work through that in a few episodes (see also Haddie's boyfriend). Maybe this will turn out to be good.

But I fear it won't be.

I can predict many things going wrong. Some ideas:

  • Julia and Joel will match and essentially "court" Latte Girl through her pregnancy. They will invest time and money. The baby will be born and Latte Girl will decide not to relinquish.
  • OR she will place the baby and then will decide to fight for the baby.
  • OR Julia and Joel will match and essentially "court" Latte Girl through her pregnancy, Latte Girl will relinquish, talk about the dreams she has for her life and will fade into the woodwork, never to be seen or heard from again. Because that's what good birth mothers do; they just disappear and let the "real" family live their life.

I can't decide if it's going to be the first or the last prediction, but I only give a 1% chance to the made-for-TV attempted depiction at what an open adoption looks like. The world may be ready for all kinds of scenarios on TV. Parenthood already has autism, interracial couples, co-parenting, drugs and alcohol, unemployment, infidelity forgiveness (and unforgiveness) and so on. But the world doesn't seem ready for a birth mother who doesn't do her hand-over-and-disappear duty ala Juno.

I accept that for what it is. I accept that the world doesn't know what to do with me and that writers think I'm some unicorn that doesn't exist. But I think that the writers are wrong and are selling the viewing public short by writing the same damn adoption

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Late Discovery 5 pts

Maybe the writers will be taking the opportunity to show what happens when a woman becomes obsessed with getting a baby and she has more dollars than sense? What if Latte girl is not pregnant and putting on the big scam for bucks?

I think it's hurtful to us in the same way it is to parents of children with Down syndrome when tv portrays (or makes fun of) a "retard."

It shows that none of the writers have a connection to adoption. But, I don't think they are trying to send a message, they're just ignorant.

metalmom71 5 pts

Agreed. Maybe the writers can write in a story of a first mother post adoption. You know, how the loss of HER CHILD might negatively affect the rest of her life? So sick of the tongue and cheek adoption crap in these shows. Someone needs to start a group to stop this so adoptees like myself can sit down and watch a show and not be forced to watch rich women buy babies from poor young mothers who probably would keep their children if they had help, and not someone trying to steal their baby from them. Late Discovery

mysonsam 5 pts

As a birth mother myself, shows like this really piss me off! Open adoption is very much like real life, because well duh! Everyone involved is a real person... And these real people came to adoption only after a great of heartbreak.

Why tv writers portray this situation so badly is beyond me, but it sure drives me crazy....

Scooping It Up 6 pts

I am a mom who adopted internationally and was disgusted with the storyline: With friends who's children were later found to have lies and holes in their referral stories, trafficking of little people is a horrible reality of the adoption world and not a joke. Even in domestic adoption placements any "Buying baby" reference is completely unacceptable and disrespectful language to a first mother, to a child, who are equal members of an adoption triad, unless you're in Hollywood and then only the adoptive family matters. It smacks of entitlement and possession of a human. Number one rule of being an adoptive mom (in my opinion) be the champion of your child's first parents. Don't treat them like less than in your words or actions.

I won't be watching because it's too painful, but I doubt it can end well. Shocking decent adoption portrayal: the Grey's Anatomy situation. Someone didn't magically hand them a baby. They had a home study for God's sake and the child had special medical needs. They had meetings with social workers. It wasn't perfect, but what the show touched on contained more facts than any other show I've seen.

Open international adoptions are even murkier and difficult than domestic but STILL WORTH IT. One of my best friends has a daughter from Ethiopia. She and her kiddo's father sent letters and pictures every few months. Language and cultural barriers are extremely difficult (not to mention the expense of hiring folks to help with all the communication) but the relationship may just be crucial to her daughter as she gets older and has to define who she is and where she came from.

The more people that call out this show the better. Thanks for your post!

JennaHatfield 44 pts

Scooping It Up Thank you for your crazy important reply. High fives for sharing crucial points about the various aspects of adoption that are often ignored.

I never watched Greys, so that's one storyline I can't talk about. But it sure is everywhere anymore, isn't it?

metalmom71 5 pts

Yes, I watched it and was infuriated. I am considering not watching the show ever again, and I'm really bummed because it's one of my favorites:( Another tasteless, unrealistic, heartbreaking adoption storyline. As an adoptee, it's painful to watch.

JennaHatfield 44 pts

metalmom71 I haven't watched this week's episode yet because I'm scared of it! I'm sorry you were also upset by it. What other shows have ticked you off over the years?

metalmom71 5 pts

I haven't watched the 2nd episode....I was scared to. So now I'm one behind. I really don't want this show ruined for me...I wish they'd stop with this storyline. I stopped watching Grey's....years back I didn't watch the last Friend's episode. Let's see....Glee, Desperate Housewives....the list goes on. I can barely handle the emotional rollercoaster watching these shows when it comes to adoption. There will never be a show that can portray how much turmoil adoption causes first parents, and adoptees (later in life).

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