New spanking study: Spare the Rod or Sexually Warp the Child?
by Mir KaminI'll just put it out there right up front: I am opposed to spanking. The reasons are many and varied and I won't bore you with all of them; the bottom line is it's not right for my family, and I even get all Judgy McJudgerson (silently, usually) when I see other parents making the choice to discipline children via physical force. I've never had any problem justifying my choice, either.
Nor did I ever trot out "because it could warp them sexually later in life" as a reason why it might be better to find a different method of correction.
What? Oh, yeah. Apparently spanking has now been linked to coercive and risky sex practices later on in life:
New research by a University of New Hampshire domestic abuse expert says spanking children affects their sex lives as adults. Professor Murray Straus concludes that children who are spanked are more likely as adults to coerce partners to have sex, to have unprotected sex and to have masochistic sex.
Other studies have shown the link between spanking and physical violence, but Straus said his research is the first to show a link between corporal punishment and sexual behavior.
Apparently "it's important to model non-violent problem-solving skills" and "hitting a child only teaches him that being bigger means you can exert your will over someone else" weren't enough to stop some folks from smacking their kids. But now we can hope that the knowledge that paddling can lead to a life of perverse sex will staunch the urge to spank!
I kid. Sort of.
Over at Doc's Sunrise Rants, Doc reviews this recent study and makes short work of the results:
90% of parents are participating in an activity that 93% of researchers agree can cause psychological and physical damage to their children.
[...]
Parenting doesn’t come with a warning label, like a pack of cigarettes. You have to use common sense. Common sense dictates that hitting a child isn’t a good thing. Ever.
Jen of Demure Thoughts is ready to share her opinion that "studies are far and wide a crock of shit." But she particularly takes issue with the measures of what is "coercive" and "risky" according to Straus' assessment:
The third study, of 440 high school students from New Hampshire, examined risky sex, such as premarital sex without a condom.
I am going to state the obvious here, since everyone is thinking it. Teenagers are stupid and have this odd idea they are invincible and most these days seem totally unacquainted with consequences of their actions. The fact we have sexualized everything from perfume to cheeseburgers is the problem. If teenagers are screwing they are making a bad choice from the get go, why would you expect them to choose to use a condom? As for adults and risky sexual behavior, well I could probably find an equal number of idiots in the unspanked masses. Some folks are just too stupid to live.
LadyRebecca admits up front that she and her husband do use spanking to discipline their daughter:
We do spank our daughter. We spank her for disobedience and lying. We do not spank because we are angry. How we feel about a behavior does not (or should not) affect the punishment she may or may not receive. We punish, not because we are mad at her, but because she has disobeyed and her disobedience is deserving of punishment. Our goal in doing so is to teach her through a non-damaging process that there are consequences for behavior. We reward her when she does good and punish, sometime with a spanking, sometime with loss of privilege (toys or playing), when she does wrong, thus teaching that actions have consequences, for good and bad.
She goes on to pick apart the research, most notably in pointing out this little gem:
Notice how ’spanked’ is listed with ’slapped, hit, or threw objects at’? Not every parent who spanks automatically does these other things, which I think most people would agree are abusive and Strauss lumps them all together.
Again; I'm no fan of spanking. But I'm also not a fan of sloppy research, and I think this is a really valid point -- are we talking about spanking or about other forms of physical violence?
LadyRebecca finally posits:
So, my conclusion is that if you are spanking your child in a manner that is abusive, your child is more likely to be abusive, just like every study on abusive situations has proven time and time again. What this article does not prove is that healthy, responsible spanking, causes sex problems.
My personal position is closer to Doc's than to LadyRebecca's, but I still can't escape the feeling that this study may be a case of correlation mucked up with causation.
BlogHer Contributing Editor Mir also blogs at Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Want Not.
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Comments
Help me, Mir.
How is spanking not hitting or slapping?
A hand hitting flesh is...well, hitting, as far as I'm concerned, no matter what the imbalance of power in the relationship. And when I see children who are spanked (when the sight is inflicted on me in a public place) it strikes me as the most shaming of actions that doesn't reflect well on the parent, either. If it happens frequently, I can imagine it would have some kind of long-range effect. I wasn't spanked and my childhood imprints are deep enough. Add that to the mix and who knows what I'd be doing.
And no, I'm not a parent, if that's a factor. I have (and have always had) so many friends and family members with small children who do not spank and have relatively well-behaved children, with all sorts of personalities and quirks, that I just can't believe it's necessary.
Laurie
I can't see the difference either
hitting, spanking, slapping. They're all the same thing. And I believe they are wrong. The thing that always gets me is when I see pre-schoolers get spanked as a punishment for hitting. Where is the logic?
Personally I don't believe in any form of violence (and I include spanking as violence) nor do I believe in shaming as appropriate ways of teaching children boundaries. Yes I am a parent of 2 children. I am not guilty of violence but I have been guilty of shaming. I wish I could say otherwise.
Having said all that, I do think the study is flawed and that the spanking that the majority of parents admit to (and I received myself as a child) does not cause sexual deviance but that higher levels of abuse could.
Blogging at http://www.kitchenplayground.wordpress.com & http://www.otherplayground.wordpress.com
"Farnham (n.) The feeling you get about four o'clock in the afternoon when you haven't got enough done." -The Meaning of Liff, Douglas Adams
Re: "healthy" spanky
Laurie and Dani --
I don't see spanking as "healthy" in any form, personally, but even I (in my anti-spanking stance) can see the difference between the conscious decision to administer a swat or two on the bottom as a predetermined consequence and, say, throwing a brick at a kid.
What Miss Britt describes, below, still isn't what I'd do, but I have a hard time calling it violence on the same scale as punching or slapping.
I'm not excusing it or giving it a thumbs up, just saying that I do think it's a valid point to not lump all of these behaviors in together.
--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Having it all with less: Want Not
"Healthy"
"healthy, responsible spanking causes sex problems"
Sorry... that gave me a chuckle. Describing spanking as healthy and responsible is ridiculous. Spanking, slapping, throwing things, humiliating a child in any way will have permanent negative effects on their self esteem and personality. I doubt the 'spankers' out there will change their parenting methods based on this study.
"healthy, responsible spanking causes sex
problems"
I have spanked both of my children, although it's not common and not the first course of action.
I would define "healthy, responsible spanking" as:
*not done in anger
*measured - you're not hitting to inflict long lasting serious pain
*controlled - which pretty much goes with the above two
*done in a way that makes it clear it is a specific consequence for a specific action, as opposed to a result of anger, frustration, etc.
We don't do violence in our house. I'm pretty clear on that.
But when one of the kids has done something that actually warrants a spanking, sitting down calmly, putting them over my knee, and swatting their butt (NOT bare flesh to flesh by the way) is not a "violent" act.
Miss Britt
http://www.miss-britt.com
Thanks for sharing
I thank you, Miss Britt, for sharing that even though I stated I was anti-spanking and the comments before yours were, as well. I love that we're able to have calm, respectful discussion here at BlogHer!
--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Having it all with less: Want Not
I definitely agree. This
I definitely agree. This study didn't seem to differentiate between a spanking and a beating. They are not one and the same thing. I believe there is clearly a difference between a calm, controlled, quick spanking not done out of anger or frustration than being hit with an object for example. I'm not necessarily a proponent of either, but I do think there is a distinction between the two. For an interesting discussion on whether to spank or not, check out www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-spanking-an-acceptable-form-of-discipline. Experts from both sides debate the issue and there are some good points made by both sides.
Hmmmmmm
Not a fan of spanking either.
For those who do, is there no anger inside when the spanking occurs? None?
My eldest is 23, my youngest will be 16 on Wednesday. Once I did spank my eldest. I'm uncertain of the age, but it was young, and as I recall, it was but one tap... however!
I was miffed, or at a minimum mildly annoyed. As soon as I did this, it ripped a hole in me, and right on the spot knew spanking was not going to be a part of raising our children.
Parents are human beings, and emotion can influence what we do in most anything. If a parent is at the point of spanking, chances are pretty high they are running annoyed, and if spanking is tied to emotional reaction, well... that sort of takes out the measured discipline argument.
To me, spanking is the easy way out, it requires no pondering of what an appropriate path is. It is also an emotional release, one that does carry consequences for our children.
This nation has made great strides on this issue in the last 25 years, and hope we go right on making further strides in how best to raise our kids.
nelle
?
This study seems like a load of bologna to me.
I'm going to agree with missbrit on this topic.
I was spanked as a child... it wasn't in public, my self-esteem wasn't damage, and I'm going to stay a virgin until after I'm married.
I don't have kids right now, and I don't think I'll spank them, just because that's who I personally am. But I don't hold it against my parents because they do. And it makes me sad to see parents judging other parents who discipline their children differently.
No, this study probably won't change any minds, but that's because it doesn't sound very reliable.
Efficacy and guilt
My husband and I were at odds on this, though he honored my desire not to spank. We have had our struggles with disciplining our girls, but we ultimately felt that to engage in hitting would take us to a point at which we had exhausted all options. A dead end. Where do you go if the spanking doesn't work?
I don't want to go to that place.
Amanda
http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com
Someone hand me a flogger, please.
Is it okay to admit that this cracked me up?
It is NEVER okay in m y mind to spank a child. It does not further the understanding of appropriate behavior and boundaries, it takes the easy way out and it teaches children that not only is violence the answer, but it is especially appropriate if someone who is "bigger" is violent towards someone who is "smaller." NO. Not okay.
And yes, I do judge those who I see spanking children. Sorry. I do.
Now, why did this study crack me up? Well, because I know a whole lot of people who are seriously into spanking AS sex play. The key is that it is CONSENSUAL sex play between equals.
Irony, oh the sweet slap of irony.
When will we stop looking at sex play that deviates from the (noexisitent) norm as a problem? And when will we stop using violence to solve problems.
And there it all was in one article. Still cracking up.
Now, where did I put that riding crop?
(No, I was never spanked. And I have never spanked my incredibly well behaved and empowered daughter.)
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com
I'm with Mir -- the study
I'm with Mir -- the study seems whack-o when really doesn't it just come down to what you are teaching your kids when you decide to spank?
"Do something bad and I'm going to hit you."
Spanking is hitting -- a lesser form, however you want to describe it and sure, it's not throwing a brick at a kid. But it makes no sense to me.
I've heard people say that they don't do it out of anger, but personally, it makes more sense that people do spank out of anger. You got mad, you lost your patience, and so bopped your kid on the butt.
It's a bit creepier when parents send their kids to their room and then say "Go upstairs and wait. I'll be up to spank you." That's just odd.
I agree with Nelle. Spanking is the easy way out. I'd worry less, however, about making them a sexual deviant (whatever) and more about what it teaches them overall.
Motherhood Uncensored
those researchers should be ashamed
No scientist in his or her right mind would allow 207 people to be considered a representative sampling the American population. 207 out of more than 301,139,947 is about 0.00006% of this country. Sloppy sloppy sloppy.
Think about it, if spanking caused sexual deviancy, wouldn't S&M clubs be in the mainstream by now? Baby boomers would be all about whips and paddles, not golf and retirement funds. The media took this and ran with it because it is sensational. As if parents don't have enough guilt.
What's next, kids who were put in playpens are more likely to be incarcerated? Instead of creating these ridiculous "studies" they need to get out there and give parents opportunities to learn other forms of discipline.
Mamikaze
Playpens lead to incarceration?
HYSTERICAL! My goodness..... you should run with that logic! HYSTERICAL.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com
I was sent upstairs and
I was sent upstairs and spanked as a child. A lot. My butt still hurts. I like sex. Especially, when I'm not tired. I'm not a deviant, either and I definitely don't spank my children. Stupid researchers. That is all.
--------------------------------------------
This Full House
This Full House Reviews
Imperfect Parent
On correcting behavior..
As a psychologist, I am definitely not a supporter of spanking. I think if you spank your child and tell them not to hit other children, you are sending a mixed message. Also, by spanking, you are not showing how to correct the behavior and are modeling violent behavior as a problem solving tool. I don't even agree with the term responsible spanking. I think there is no such thing. The only responsible way to correct a child is by teaching them correct behavior alternatives and spanking will not accomplish this.
Check out my blog for parenting skills on correcting behavior, without spanking of course:
http://www.psychmom.typepad.com/psychmomreflections