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I write Stirrup Queens when I'm not reading other people's blogs, cooking, or chasing after my twins. I'm the author of two books: Life from Scratch,...
 
 
 
 

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Does Taking Your Husband's Name (or Not) Affect How Much Money You Make?

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Nine years ago this fall, I went to the closest Social Security office when we returned from our honeymoon and changed my last name to match my husband's. It wasn't an easy decision, and we went through a plethora of choices: keep our own names, combine them into one general family name, hyphenate my own while his remains a single last name. But ultimately, I decided (my husband didn't have feelings either way) to change my name despite my discomfort with having publications under my maiden name. According to recent articles this week in the New York Times and the Globe and Mail, I made the wrong decision.

Group of business executives sitting together at a conference

The Globe and Mail quotes a study conducted by social psychologists that found: "Women who take their partner’s name are regarded as more caring but less intelligent, less competent and less ambitious ... Moreover, they’re less likely to be hired for a job and are perceived to earn much less at work than those who keep their own name."

In other words, they may be penalized in the job market. It's not just a fact that women earn 77 cents to every man's dollar, but now there is also a discrepancy between the amount women are paid who keep their maiden name vs. share the name of their spouse.

Some of this discrepancy in pay can be explained with circumstances. In the Netherlands, "there were demographic differences between women who chose to take their partners’ names and those who did not. Marital name-changers were generally older and less educated, for example." But the study also examined what participants, acting as "potential employers" would be willing to pay similarly described hypothetical job applicants, and women who changed their names were awarded less pay overall.

The New York Times points out that the research has “some major limitations” beyond culture differences:

For one, the sample size of respondents in the experiments was relatively small. Perhaps more important, the participants were students, not actual employers, who might behave differently.

In addition, blogger Tara Clark gives her thoughts on the Globe and Mail article, pointing out problems with the way the material was presented.

Aha! She has spent the first half of the article using statements that imply that causation was determined by the study. And now she makes a reasonable statement indicating that that was false?

Moreover, the most recent study took place in the Netherlands at Tilburg University, the newspaper reports that these findings are in line with similar studies conducted in the United States – though the article did not state when or by whom these studies were conducted. With cultural differences on the institution of marriage existing in the two countries, it's difficult to know how much the information discovered in this study can translate for an American audience.

Yet the Globe and Mail additionally quotes a study held in Canada that followed how many women changed their name during marriage, though the main impetus in Canada seemed to be women changing their names after childbirth in order to have everyone in the family share one last name.

And that was a big reason for why I changed my name, and I came at it from the point-of-view of a teacher who had seen all the permutations of last names over the years. I realized upon reading this article that just as the participants in the study had inferred certain things about women who changed their last names to match their husband's, as a teacher, I inferred certain things about families who didn't share a last name, even though I had friends who utilized all possibilities across the last name spectrum.

The hidden beliefs definitely flow in multiple directions.

More interesting than the newspaper articles themselves were the responses across the Internet including one on Politics Daily asks, "Does our identity change along with our name? With the stroke of a pen, do we, along with the surname of our new husbands, suddenly take on a new persona? Some people think so." Author Joann Weiner brings in a

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Melissa Ford 5 pts

And in some cultures, you never change your name at all, because your last name is essentially your father's (or mother's or a combination) first name.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

angel2836 5 pts

In some cultures the man takes the woman's name not the other way around but since we live in a male dominated culture it is expected that we have to take the man's name but I had a teacher that got married and he took his wife's name so it is not like it is not possible

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I love your reason for taking your husband's last name and it should still be a personal, individual choice.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

AndromedaStargazer 5 pts

I changed to my husband's last name because his family is very short and his last name is pretty rare, both of my last names are the most commons latin names (latins use both mother and father last names) so it made sense to help his last name to have a bit more people. No to mention that I'm the first black person to bear his last name and I found that amusing. But people are going to make assumptions based on their personal bias without even asking or knowing the story behind is sad.
I also remember a friend a mine that was disgusted by my choice saying that it was unfeminist of me to do so, when my choice has nothing to do with made any statement about it, and she proudly mentioned every time she could that she never took her husband's last name like it was the biggest sign that she was the biggest feminist ever! That was baffling to me.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Sometimes having a choice can be a frustrating thing--filled with so many what ifs. But I do love having options of which name I use where.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

taraclark 5 pts

Thanks for the interesting perspective and for linking to my blog on this topic. I find that this is an ongoing debate in my head that I doubt will end even after I marry. Oh, the joys of being a woman in a male-dominated world of technology!

LMAshton 5 pts

Yeah, that'd be interesting to know, wouldn't it?

I changed my middle and last names because a. I hated it (although I kept my first name because it suited me and I was used to it) and b. I had a lot of bad emotional crap associated with my old name and c. I wanted to start a new life for myself, psychologically and emotionally speaking, and this was very symbolic of it and d. because I was tired of being stalked. Changing my name was something I thought about for five years before I did it. Five years with the name picked out, waiting to make sure I wasn't going to change my mind. I didn't want to be that flaky person. When I did it was the right time for me, and it was the right thing for me to do. :)

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) ] Photos by LMAshton ( http://photos.lmashton.com ) |

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I love that you changed your name before you ever got married. I wonder how that would factor into the study--when the name change isn't part of marriage?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I felt much the same way. I also used it to mark how I had changed--how I was now ready for marriage, was mature, had let go of baggage, etc.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

LMAshton 5 pts

I had legally changed my middle and last names about 7 years before we married. Then, when we got married, I tacked his last name on to the end of my now-last name. He didn't care either way. With the two last names, I can use either one, depending on circumstances. Professionally, I go by my before-married last name. Socially, I go by his.

My brother took his wife's last name. Granted, our last name (the one I was born with) is difficult to spell and pronunciate at the same time and confuses the heck out of everyone, so no surprise that the brother would abandon it. But, his wife's last name is French, so still difficult to spell/pronounce. Oh, the joy. :)

I know others who've done all sorts of permutations on the theme, including picking a brand new last name for the couple and potential kidlets.

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) ] Photos by LMAshton ( http://photos.lmashton.com ) |

LucindaA 5 pts

I couldn't wait to do it. I liked the idea of us being united. I didn't have any particular attachment to my last name, and he had a business established with his. The fact that my family was completely nuts may have factored into it as well. My identity was changing and for the better.

Besides, his last name was easier to sign. :)

sassymonkey 6 pts moderator

If I had children and they had a last name that was different from either myself or the fake husband and someone commented on it, telling them to #suckit would probably be among the more polite things to come out of my mouth.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

We know a bunch of people who combined last names and then everyone in the family has the hyphenated last name. And one who picked an entirely new name and everyone in the family went with it--so the change happened for everyone (the transformative quality of marriage?).

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Burst out laughing. I would pay good money for you to capture the look on their face when you said "suck it!"

It did make me wonder if I was becoming a different person since I am so much my name. But I associate my last name with a weaker Melissa and my new last name with a stronger, smarter me.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Vered 5 pts

I kept my name becuase it's part of who I am. I can tell you though that now that I have kids with different last names than mine (they took my husband's), it's sometimes a pain. I can see the logic in a new family unit forming under one last name, although if true equality is ever achieved, it would be an open choice and men would not be made fun of for taking their wife's last name.

----

Vered DeLeeuw

Professional Blogger ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ ) and Social Media Consultant ( http://www.socialmediamarketingexpert.net/ )

sassymonkey 6 pts moderator

It just wouldn't be me if I had another name. The person with that name would be a stranger.

I grew up in a family in which the children had three different last names. I've heard all the comments that come with that, even as a child. Should I ever have children they will have a different last name from one of their parents and I'm fully prepared to tell anyone who raises their eyebrows at that to #suckit.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

But you're smarter, according to the study, so you have that going for you.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

ms_lorelei 5 pts

Interesting.

I kept my maiden name when I married, then divorced, then married again.

I have a strong identity with my name, and I like my name (not hugely excited about either of the husbands' names.)

So I can do better in the money department, but potentially not get taken as seriously as a mom?

I just so love the no-win scenario.

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Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points