A new world, a new Community
By Wilma Ham on March 01, 2010
Be the change you want to see.
So what is stopping us from ending the gruesome wars, world hunger and pollution?
Marianne Williamson keeps saying we are not trying hard enough to be the change that we seek.
I agree and I would like to add that we actually haven't a clue how to be the change that we want to see and that we are not looking hard enough either.
Deep in my heart I know that I am extremely ineffective to create the change that I seek.
Because to create it I need to learn a very basic life skill and that is to get on with people in my own little world in a way that eliminates hunger, pollutions and fights in my own world.
We are the problem; is my own little world not a reflection of the bigger world?
I fight, I too am hungry for love and attention and we all pollute each others mental state.
To make my point let me tell you about my training and experience with people.
I am told that I am unique and I can create whatever I want.
Well, from a young age and into adulthood, I never experienced any of that uniqueness.
I wanted to stay home and be taught by my mother whom I trusted and knew.
Instead I was taken to a frightening institution called school that was filled with a whole lot of children who looked hostile and they scared the hell out of me.
I was told not to be unfriendly and work alongside a classmate whom I did not like as she was mean to me behind the teacher's back.
And when I drew something that I liked, I was told it was wrong as it did not fit the brief.
Yes I WAS unique, but not for long.
Yes I WAS authentic and honest, but not for long.
Yes I HAD a choice of whom I could hang out with, but not for long.
My uniqueness, authenticity and honesty had no chance of survival.
The rot set in very quickly.
Let's fast forward a few years.
With having learned to look out for number one, having been molded into a one size fits all; I took a self development course.
Again I am told that I am unique, special and should strive for authenticity and passion.
Is that so?
I went to a job interview.
There I was asked dumb questions that everybody in their right mind knows I cannot answer truthfully if I want to get the job.
I also know that I cannot ask honest questions either if I want to be employed.
I cannot authentically ask to meet my colleagues to find out if I actually could work with them.
I cannot have an honest conversation with the manager to find out how he values his staff.
What I think, feel and want is of no importance, it is all about them.
How often have I been considered as equal, unique, special and powerful when in a job interview?
How often is an interview a pleasant experience with the intention to make everybody fly?
Who am I kidding?
Then when I started the job, did I meet great people all eager to share, teach and grow together or did I enter a war zone full of competitors, adversaries and withholders of intellectual property?
While I might not live in a war torn country, I have not experienced much peace either, have I?
Although I might not be hungry for food, I am starving for love and generous sharing, aren't I?
As much as I would love to stop the mental pollution of deceit, false promises and denial, I am too scared to do transparency, authenticity and in-integrity behavior on my own.
My only solace was that after my work day I could go home, home sweet home, to where things were good with the person I chose to live with.
My interview and induction period with the person I lived with was not that crash hot either.
As a result I did not choose the right person and I didn't powerfully set up our playing together either.
There was plenty of evidence of that.
At home I used to fight over the dishes, whose turn it was to cook and our not keeping our promises.
And after the dust had settled, I was hungry to get my dose of attention to share how once again my boss made stupid decisions that were going to make my life hard. But as I was living with a hungry soul who wanted to talk about the stupid people in his life, after fighting about the dishes we started fighting for attention.
In the end all we could do was turn on the television and direct our attention to something else than ourselves and thus
everyone ended up going to bed starving; starving for love and attention.
I think I've said enough to show how dysfunctional we all really are.
We have no basic skills to live peacefully, even with the ones close to us and the ones we interact daily with.
In my experience we are all set up to become unreliable, self absorbed and difficult to work with, if we want to or not.
It is no wonder that for a long time I preferred looking out for number one, hiding my inner self and going it alone as much as I could, while denying I was starving and living in a mentally toxic, polluted war zone.
If you still wonder; THAT is what is stopping us from ending the gruesome wars, world hunger and pollution.
But I am waking up and hearing what WomenLikeMe on Community says;
"It is a cruel myth to think that living independently is a viable option and that without giving that up we can change the world."
However at this moment it is also cruel to even suggest that we can let go of our independence.
We could, but not until we work really hard at grass roots level to change how we relate to people in our immediate world.
We could, but not until we work really hard to become the change we want to see.
We could and we can!
To end war, starvation and pollution on a world scale, Ann-Marie and I are hell bent to end the starvation for love and attention in our own small world by learning to be love-in-action and to create intimacy with our listening with whomever is in front of us.
Ann-Marie and I will clear up the mental pollution and end the war in our own little world by our commitment to learn and practice integrity, shared understanding and we so desire other Women Like Us to join us to support each other to become the change we all want to see.
However to be the change we want to see, we need to see the possibility of community, we need to have an image of what community can stand for so we can have an idea of what the change is that we ultimately aim for.
For that reason I want to share the image that Robin Easton shared in her comment about community;
But it’s something deeper than that for me.
For me community is something I do in a hundred little ways all day long, with my husband, my friends, the world I move through, with people at the bank, the store, on the road…Everywhere I go I see people screaming out for love and help and a kind word, a smile, a hug. And it takes so little to give SO much.
I reach out the way I do because I live in a world full of people starved for love, starved for compassion and understanding, starved for a single act of kindness, a world full of people hanging on by a single thread. I do it because I live in a world filled with suffering, wars, murders, prisons, child abuse, homeless, hungry. I do it because I am compelled to LIVE the change I want to see in the world. I do it because maybe it is what I was born to do. I do it because most days it’s all I know how to do. I am not good with speaking or writing concepts and telling people how to live. I can share my own experiences but beyond that… One day I asked myself, what do I have to offer the world? Honestly? The only thing I could come up with was: I could love people. I do know how to love. Oddly, that day I found great peace. Loving was enough for me."
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