New Year ,New Me ? Then again maybe not....

Here it is the 2nd day of 2010 and people are making resolutions left and right. My resolution the last five or so years has be to resolve not to make a resolution. I was so tired of setting myself up for failure. This year however is different. I have had some pretty powerful moments at home and at work that have made me sit back and realize I have changed. I have become a doormat essentially. There was a time in my life I was admired for my strength and perseverance. Now I realize I let sleeping dogs lie even when their rotting carcasses are beginning to smell up the place. I have resolved to take control of my life back!

Now that is a powerful statement! I will take control of my life back. It sounds good. That control will be over my mind, my body, my choices and my day to day decisions about everything. Forget trying to make everyone happy while they make me miserable .Forget giving 100+ % at work to be kicked in the face and forget forgiveness when it is not warranted meaning no remorse from those who have hurt me or someone I love. I know this sounds extreme but have turned into a marshmallow and keeping everything packed down is making me ill. I realize it is not healthy and that as I take control of my life back I will become the person I can once again be proud of instead of a coward that does not want to rock the boat. Sometimes if you don’t rock the boat the weight distribution will be off and that boat can capsize so it is actually a good thing. We will see how it goes.

Please do not get me wrong I have no intention of becoming a royal pain the rear but merely will assert myself more when I need to assert myself. We all wish we would have done that at one time or another I just plan on having fewer times that I regret not doing it. I am miserable already so what can go wrong? I hate my job more and more each day so finally forcing myself to make a positive change will either open my eyes to making changes with my employment or give me the courage to walk out.

As they say, time will tell




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