A New Year with the Old Me

Well, here I am almost a month into the new year, and I'm only now starting to think about what my resolutions should be.  Ah-ha!  First, I should endeavor to stop procrastinating.  That one's easy.

Shouldn't I also think of some things to improve myself?  I really want to be better this year than I was last year.  Not better at anything in particular.  Just better.  Hmmm, how will I go about becoming better?  While I'm working that out, I'll go ahead and add that I should try this year to be more specific.  Generally speaking.

I also want to like myself more.  But I don't know if I should like the current me or the improved me, who doesn't yet exist.  If I like current me, then why would I want to improve?  And now that I'm thinking about it, a part of being better might actually be learning to like myself just the way I am.  So, I might be a better person in 2012 by being exactly the same.  Now I'm totally confused.

I'm all of a sudden remembering why I resist making New Year's resolutions - I don't want to change!  (And, also, I get easily confused.)  No one wants to change.  If we did, then we would, and the same old resolutions wouldn't keep rearing their ugly heads every January 1 (ish) only to fizzle and die around February 7, leaving us in a big, pitiful pile of exactly who we already are.  Can we just agree to give up on even making resolutions knowing we're going to give up on following through with them?

I've just decided - not resolved - to become more of exactly who I already am.  Who am I?  I am a mother, an expat, a wife, a business owner / blogger, a runner-sometimes-fast-walker, a friend.  I enjoy eating, reading and breathing.  I am very, very tall, but I do not play basketball.  My favorite color is green, but I am also fond of yellow.  With me, what you see is what you get.

So, here are 7 things I've decided to do this year to be more of who I already am:

1 - I am going to continue to wear too much sunscreen.  My skin is as pale as new fallen snow, and I'd like to keep it that way.

2 - I am not going to get bangs.  Unless I decide to, in which case I'll text all of my friends to get their opinions and then pretend like I didn't get their responses if I don't like their answers.  And then I won't get bangs.

3 - I am going to eat cookies for breakfast.  Actually, I really do need to stop doing this.  I have a two-year-old, for goodness sake, and she's started to ask for dessert as soon as she gets up in the morning.  That's just wrong.

4 - I am not going to take fashion risks.  I want to though.  Oh, do I want to!  I fantasize that I'm Carrie Bradshaw's giant twin who can pull off a hockey jersey over a ball gown over glass army boots.  And yet, when I do decide to dress up (in my simplest black something with even simpler black accessories), I am convinced that everyone is staring at the kiss of bronze eyeshadow that I had the audacity to apply before leaving the house.

5 - I will not spend money.  This appears to be a resolution since most people spend too much money, but this is actually current me.  I really don't spend money.  I hate to spend money.  If I was making resolutions, I would say that I am going to spend more money because right now, I spend none.  I buy gas for the car and diapers for my kid and groceries.  Well, some groceries.  My husband commented recently that the fridge in his college fraternity house had more food than ours.  That's sad, really.

6 - I will not surf, hang glide, sky dive or feed the pelicans at the fishing docks.  All of those activities are for adrenaline junkies and danger seekers, and I am going to keep my adventure quota unfulfilled this year.

7 - I will eat cookies for breakfast.

As for the obnoxious piles of things on my desk that should probably be dismantled, I will learn to love them.  As for my coffee habit, well, what you call a "nervous twitch," I'll fondly refer to as "jazz hands."  Keep a gratitude journal?  No, thank you.  Eat healthier?  If God hadn't wanted us to eat Nutella, he wouldn't have made chocolate and hazelnuts taste so amazing together.  Stop watching so much TV?  Why would I do that?  Every time I watch an ER re-run, I learn something new about human nature, as well as important medical terminology.

I feel so much better knowing that I don't have this pressure on me to be this great, productive member of society in 2012.  What a relief that I'm going to be the same old screw-up I was last year.

Who are you going to be in 2012?

bby

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