New Year's Resolutions: Bah Humbug: 5 Goals I Resolve Not To Reach in 2014:

Day 2/365 - New Years Resolution 

Happy New Year!  Today is the day when we all start fresh and begin to work on our goals for the New Year.   Never being much of a goal setter because, when I inevitably fail, I don't enjoy the resulting self- loathing and guilt, here are the 5 things I resolve NOT to do in 2014:

1.  Lose 5 lbs:  For the past 20 years, I've tried and I've succeeded yet, they've always come back.  Sometimes they've brought some friends with them, and I've had to find a way to get rid of them too, but all in all, it's just those loyal 5 that have hung on.  Loyalty should be rewarded, and perhaps my hips, ass and waist are trying to tell me something.  Clearly, those 5 belong there.  Who am I to fight that kind of determination? They win.

2.  Learn a new language:  This one has inexplicably been on my list of goals for years and has been equally elusive.  I'm not quite sure why it's on the list; it just seems like a noble thing; something someone incredibly smart and sophisticated might do.  But, let's face it, my kids have been taking language classes for years, and none of them could last for more than one meal in a foreign country.  So unless you are telling me I can live abroad for a year and become fluent, I'm sticking to what I know.

3.  Eat Better, Exercise more:  Another one on the list every year and, last year, I accomplished my goal.  Yay, me. This year, my knees make awful screeching noises when I climb the stairs, my neck is stiff, and stepping on my heel during the night on my way to pee makes me drop to one of those screeching knees.  As for eating better, I'm 50 now and have yet to introduce green stuff into my diet.  I prefer the white.  Why change now?  I might send my body into shock, awe and immediate shut down.

4. Get a job:  I spent 25 years as a stay at home mom and now that the kids are all gone, I am going to retire not seek full time employment.  I've been working my ass off for years and have successfully raised three lovely kids.  I have made unemployment my career and I'm damn good at it.  I enjoy my free time; love to read, write, play games on my phone, watch great TV, travel and see friends.  I do think some volunteer time is in order, but as to full time employment, hell no.

5.  Spend more quality time with my husband:  Now that the kids are out of the house, believe me, we spend plenty of time together.  Forcing it, like trying to find something on TV that we will both enjoy, or trying to be in the same room in the house together all the time is a sure way to find your way to a nasty divorce.  We like each other fine but we don't have to spend every minute together.

Good luck to all of you with your own New Year's resolutions!  May you all find health and happiness in 2014!

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