NO AND MARRIED, MY TWO FAVORITE WORDS

I went to see my new internist today. Why new? you ask. Well, because the one I was seeing also sees my ex and our last phone call led me to believe that he's none to thrilled with me anymore.

I got the recommendation from my neurologist. Ohh, a neurologist huh?....at least that's what I would be thinking so for those of you who are curious, I get a few migraines every year and I went for my annual check up.

Anyway, as I was driving over to Dr. New Guy's office, I thought his address looked familiar but I couldn't place it. Well, as soon as I got within five feet of his doorway, I placed it. He SHARES THE OFFICE with my OLD internist. How about that? Huh?What are the chances? How many internists are there in the city of Los Angeles? Why is this post full of so many questions?

But I digress. So, I walk in, terrified that Dr. Old Guy is going to see me. When I signed in, the NEW/OLD Doctor's nurse told me that since I was a new patient, I needed to fill in some paperwork. She was very nice to me and kind of acted as though she'd never met me. It felt like I'd moved across the street from my old house and there she was welcoming me to the neighborhood. It was so weird. I talked very low in case, Dr. Old Guy was around but quickly forgot all about him when I got to the form that asks you tons of questions regarding your present state of health. I've filled it a million times before and yet every time I do this, I'm shocked to see how many horrible things could potentially happen to me.

I'm serious when I say I am terrified of ever having to fill out that new patient paperwork and actually put a check in a "yes" box, as in "yes, I have blood in my ______" or "yes, I have night sweats unrelated to the fact that I'm very, very single and starting a brand new business." I wonder sometime if it's inevitable. I mean, I work in an Emergency room and let me tell you, I've seen people walk in carrying a bag full of JUST THEIR MEDICATIONS. When you come in to the ER you're required to fill out a form telling us your basic info, why you want to be seen by a doctor a what medications you're presently taking. I had one guy come in and it took him over fifteen minutes just to answer that one question. You can't help but look at these folks and either 1. Swear you'll kill yourself before you'll ever get be like that or 2. Walk away and pretend you never saw them which therefore makes it impossible that you will ever be anything but young and healthy.

Weirdly enough, the form also asked about my marital status. It's been three years since my ex moved out and it still saddens me to write the word "divorced". Okay, now that's twice today I've done that and I'm sad again. I feel like when I write "that" word I might as well just put down "dead" or "lonely", "failure", "broken" even "outcast". Even though they say that fifty percent of marriages end in the divorce, I actually don't know many people in my position. I've been told, "just wait till Phoebe hits the second grade, you'll see, you'll have plenty of company" but I don't find comfort in awaiting the onset of other's misery. Call me crazy.

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