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Nichelle Stephens is a blogger,  bookkeeper, cupcake enthusiast, and social media strategist. She hopes for Oprah-like scratch, but she is already w...
 
 
 
 

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No Elder Pregnancy For Me

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Even though I would think of cute names for babies whenever I would fantasize about a settling down with a boyfriend, I have known for over a decade that I don't want to have children. Being a mom requires so much dedication, time, money, discipline and unselfishness. I don't have it in me. I am the oldest of three daughters and I have felt the pressure to settle down, get married and have kids. However, I told my family long ago that I may not want to have kids. I may have said it initially to be spiteful because my parents would getting on my nerves, but now I am absolutely sure of my decision to not have kids. Thank God because at 37, it's kinda too late. Recently, I heard the term "elder pregnancy" from my younger sister who is a doctor. I always thought risky pregnancies were for women 40 and over, but that's not true. The mother has way more risks during pregnancy with infertility, miscarriages, and pregnancy-related sickness. Plus, the babies are more likely to be in Neo-Natal when they are first born. Hearing all this makes me relieved that I don't want to have kids.
However, I have some friends that are waiting for the right man, right job, or right time to have a kid. As much I am open-minded about having a child wedlock, it seemed to be better to have two parents. However, since so many women are nearing 35, single and want to have a child, they may want to get "knocked up" sooner rather than later. Waiting too long may be heartbreaking, and if you have enough love to raise a child, then maybe that love will make everything else fall into place.

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jjulesss 5 pts

And some people talk about the biological alarm clock going off. You seem to be committed so I hope that doesn't happen to you. Women I know who have this happen tend to say they feel out of control. They often don't even realise they are trying to fall pregnant, they simply start acting risky and find themselves doing unsafe sex, feeling out of control emotionally, often mild anxiety, bang they're pregnant! And I don't know about you but I hate feeling that out of control.

Not that a late pregnancy was a problem for me, I got pregnant at 16. We're both fine and I got it all out of the way early. It was different for me than for some others: I'm in Australia and we have the Supporting Parents Benefit which I could have stayed on until my daughter was 15. I got a job, after doing 2 years of training, when she was 11. The Benefit wasn't a lot of money but then I wasn't a drinker, smoker or party animal. I managed. Everything fell into place, but but that was for me. And I had discovered feminism and I was working in a collective for several years so I had heaps of support from lots of wimmin for years. It was great.

My daughter, on the other hand, even though she definitely shows the signs of being brought up by a radical feminist, and is a lot more conventional than me, is also a lot more sensible. All my friends used to tease me that I would end up a grandmother in my early 30s. Didn't happen. Turns out my daughter just scoffed at the idea of unprotected sex and knew very early that she wasn't going to have kids and be poor - she didn't like being a poor kid. (Actually I think my kid was angry and rebellious enough that she wouldn't have liked being a well off kid either). At 33 she has the same attitude. And she's not sure about having kids at all anyway. (I don't mind not being a grandmother, plenty of other kids around)