Somebody Stole All My Money

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So yesterday, someone stole all of my money and then, in my mind, skipped all around their house as they purchased various electronic devices and pieces of stylish clothing online.

Also, it makes me jealous that someone who stole my money spent it on cooler stuff than I do. Like, I bought a bushel of grapes this morning. Thief with my money? Flat-screen TV.

Anyway, after panic-calling my bank and the credit card company, I attempted to carry on professional work conversations while not throwing up all over my keyboard because of anxiety. And after an hour of that, I decided that I should go to the bank and make sure there wasn’t anything else I could do to make this not be happening.

safe deposit box

Credit Image: Chewy734 on Flickr

So, a friend and I walked down to the bank to talk to the manager, who, it should be noted, for sure took a course in active listening and reflective speech. I felt like I was getting banking advice and sitting in a therapist's office all at the same time. Which was useful, because I needed both, and so it felt good to be efficient.

Me: "I’m glad that it’ll hopefully just be a few days. Otherwise, you guys would see me sleeping outside of the bank making sad faces in the window."

Bank manager: "I can appreciate that this must be frustrating, and it sounds like it could be a inconvenient for you for a few days."

Me: "Yeah. The reason I’d be sleeping outside of the bank is because I would have no money."

Bank manager: "I understand."

Me: "So OK, thanks for this information; I appreciate the help."

Bank manager: "You’re very welcome, and I’m sorry this is happening; it sounds like it must be frustrating for you."

Me: "Thanks. Also, could you do me a favor and just think really good banking thoughts for me for the next few days? We’ll be doing it (motioning to my friend), and I feel like the more people who think good banking thoughts, the better."

Bank manager:(nervously laughing and looking uncomfortable)

Me: "I mean, you don’t have to devote all of your energy to it, but just a few good thoughts every hour or so would be awesome."

Bank manager: (staring nervously because this wasn’t taught in Therapy Banking Class)

Me, to my friend as we walked away: "I think I just terrified him. They’re definitely changing the locks the moment we leave."

Friend: "One hundred percent."

Anyway, as it turns out, good banking thoughts don’t go nearly as far as they used to, and so I decided that I needed to come up with another strategy.

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