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No More "FML" in 2011

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Own Your Beauty is a groundbreaking, year-long movement bringing women together to change the conversation about what beauty means. Our mission: to encourage and remind grown women that it is never too late to learn to love one's self and influence the lives of those around us - our mothers, friends, children, neighbors. We can shift our minds and hearts and change the path we follow in the pursuit of authentic beauty.

In 2011, I will delete each and every ‘friend’ who writes the words FML (F**k My Life) on their Facebook or Twitter pages. I want to surround myself with people who think positively and are willing to make the changes that need to be made without quitting -- even when life gets really hard.

Each and every time I read those letters (FML), the hair on my arms stands straight up and it’s not a “feel good” moment. It makes me sad that people chose to be victims in life’s circumstances instead of figuring out how to make the best of a bad situation.

I may have a different outlook on life, but in my world I chose to make the most of each day and each difficult situation that comes my way.

I know the feeling of desperation, suffocation, isolation. I also know the feeling of satisfaction, contentment, unconditional love, joy and hope.

Featured Photo of kellylouhoo for BlogHer.com's Own Your Beauty

I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and then having it lifted off.

Living a perfect life is not possible, but we can control our path. In fact, we make or break each day we live by our actions and reactions to whatever happens along the journey.

The decisions are ours -- sink or swim. With a new year here, I am going to swim faster and harder, making it through no matter how high or rough the waves.

I am not afraid of hard work. What I am afraid of is not getting the most out of life and at the same time understanding that it isn’t just about me. I want my daughter to know her mother loved her and she tried her hardest to be there for her and others every step of the way.

I want her to see, by my actions, that living a successful life involves helping others while expecting nothing in return.

I will survive and not complain, because I know there are children and adults all over the world fighting for their lives due to terminal illness or difficult life circumstances.

We all hold the key to our own happiness. I fully expect to make mistakes and stumble along the way. At the end of each day, I want to know that I did my best. Despite setbacks, I will remain sharply focused on my dreams. I will survive.

Write down your hopes and dreams for 2011 and post them where you can see them daily. Start out each day fully expecting to have a positive and fulfilling day and don’t beat yourself up when the going gets tough.

I have two tattoos that serve as guiding principles: “I will choose the outcome” and “I will do whatever it takes.” I live by these and will continue to hold my head high and work through all difficulties that cross my path.

May your 2011 be filled with new beginnings and a jumping off point to turn things around in order to be the best you can be.

Read more about Own Your Beauty or add your name to our statement of belief now.


Peace,
Missy Germain
www.bittenandbound.com

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kellylou 5 pts

"I will survive and not complain, because I know there are children and adults all over the world fighting for their lives due to terminal illness or difficult life circumstances."

Last night when I pulled my big, warm, plush comforter over my shoulders and sank into my pillowtop mattress, my first thought was 'UGH this comforter is just TOO heavy.'

I then had a mental smackdown with myself. How many people on the planet would kill for a too-heavy blanket, or a bed, or a home... or so many of the things I am blessed to have every day.

Love your post, and uhm, can I say it's just a LITTLE neat that my picture is there?? :D

Thank you for the words that remind me to be someone that lifts others up instead of dragging them down.

NoelleAloud 5 pts

And I'm also getting pretty tired of #fail.

I think there's a difference between complaining in a "blowing off steam to help me process this and move on to the next thing" way, and the sort of general All Negativity, All the Time attitude that some people seem to project.

I love your attitude!
.....................................

Noelle is the broad behind Baby in Broad ( http://babyinbroad.blogspot.com ).

Trish Iles 5 pts

Well, I hate to throw gasoline on a fire, but I just have to comment again.

I read the comments and I understand where the disagree-ers are coming from. I have to disagree with the disagree-ers (don't two negatives equal a positive?)

When I read the post, I didn't get the sense that this author is saying that if her friend has a problem, she's going to kick them to the curb. We have a a right to limit the negativity coming into our lives in reasonable ways. If your friend is sending out a flip, "FML" on facebook, is that a sincere call for help? Probably not.

I can't picture the author reading her fb wall and ignoring a true cry for help or comfort. Choosing to surround yourself with positive people and limiting your immersion in the lives of the WHINERS is a perfectly sensible way to live.

What if it weren't facebook? What if you had a friend with a very nice life who was just a downer? I bet you would stop asking her to hang out with you so often. Life is short, girlfriend. Embrace the positive when you can, because the negative comes around often enough that we don't need to court it.
Trish in AZ

www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com ( http://www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com )

NoPointsForStyle 5 pts

Striving for a positive attitude is admirable. Admonishing others to do so only serves to minimize or deny their feelings.

I am in the midst of recovering from a months-long depression during which I cut myself off from my online community. When I returned, I found that dozens of people were sad not to have had the opportunity to love and support me through that.

I'm terribly sad about that. I should have trusted my friends more than I did, but I was afraid they would reject me if I wasn't fun, inspiring, and positive.

Often, making needed changes in my life starts with expressing my darkest feelings. Putting on a front of bravado when I feel small and sad only serves to keep me stuck in the false belief that I'm alone in the world.

I don't think I've ever used "FML," but I've certainly felt that way sometimes, and that's when I need my friends (IRL and online) the most.

If we care about each other, we'll care all the time, not just when people show us the positivity we want so see.

frankilee79 5 pts

Write On,,, when there seems to be no use in it, when u think what good it;ll do,,,,,, just WRITE ON!

Franki Lee

This is a new one to me,,, never heard FML and while yes I am fond of the 'f' word, that is not a way I would use it. I admit there are times when I might mutter 'I hate my life' it is out of boredom mostly, or thinking of things that I do not want to do, things I do everyday and really don't look foreward to doing again, things that are redudant and yes sometimes out of silence when thoughts run rampant and a thought hits me that I don't want to think about. I do not really hate my life
The saying itself is out of habit mostly. And yes, when I first begun to say it, I hated most of my life and liked very little.
I found myself with few friends, no social I don't know if that makes any sense to anybody but me.
Just a passing thought, everybody should chanage the 'f' to a 'l' (love)

dianaelee 5 pts

I'm so totally with you! I have to work really hard to reframe my thinking to be more positive and in the moment and that kind of woe is me bullshit doesn't help a bit. And it's never people who are having real problems who say that stuff, either.

Visit me at Somebody Heal Me: The Musings of a Chronic Migraineur ( http://somebodyhealme.dianalee.net )

Follow me on Twitter @somebodyhealme ( http://www.twitter.com/somebodyhealme )

Trish Iles 5 pts

A sign of what's to come?
A Freudian slip?
LOL

Trish in AZ

www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com ( http://www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com )

Authentic Life 6 pts

Well, at the risk of sounding completely ignorant, I had no idea what that meant, and I see it all the time on FB posts.

Guess it's the "authentic" mountain living that's kept me LML {loving my life!}

Thanks for enlightening me!

KT

MartyJ 5 pts

On a lot of wedding related blogs, FML stands for "future mother-in-law." That could be a bad mixup. Lol...

kulmanis 5 pts

But also disagree.

Shutting out people for using FML smacks of self-righteous arrogance for not stopping to understand why the person is complaining, why they're being negative. Habitual complainers might feel like they're the only ones listening in their lives, like no one cares. A person having a bad day may just need a friend to reach out and be there for them. Other times, as someone pointed out, it's merely a sarcastic way of expressing their mood and a way of taking a step back to re-assess what is going on.

I will not delete a friend who habitually uses FML unless it gets to be so extreme it borders more on an attention stunt than actual stress.

While I am all for being positive, the fact is I'm realistic enough to know and understand I and my friends and my husband will have bad days. If someone does utter the term FML then as a friend or as a wife I can find out why and do my best to cheer them up as they would want me to do for them.

When you say you will unfriend anyone who uses it I have to wonder how good of a friend you were in the first place. Your intentions may be well meant but the execution of it makes you look a bit arrogant.

CatieD 5 pts

Wow! I had never even heard FML before I read this. Thank goodness I am surrounded by friends, in real life and cyberspace, that have never used those letter to describe their life. Good for you and good riddance to anyone who feels that way.

Hears to a happy 2011!

Catherine

Bonnie Crowder 5 pts

My friends and I embrace internet lingo in a slightly sarcastic manner, rather than using it seriously. And I believe in taking a moment to accept the negative presented to us in Life before moving on to fix/conquer/move through that. I AM a positive person, but I can see that I may very well write "FML" not only as a way to lighten the mood a little, but also as a part of my processing what has to come next. I'd feel pretty hurt if a friend deleted me over that.

I do agree with your positivity! It's vitally important that we own our lives and live each moment working towards our goals of happiness and awareness.

Bonnie
The Shape of a Mother ( http://theshapeofamother.com/ )
Zebrabelly ( http://zebrabelly.wordpress.com/ )

lauriewrites 5 pts

I have an "unfollow negativity" mantra myself. There are people who don't write "FML" but who all the same come up every day with the same complaining and negativity, although honestly, most of the time, their lives are pretty good. (As much as I can tell from Twitter.)

I don't like FML either, but I think that sometimes when things are on the edge, people are feeling hopeless and shouting it out to Twitter or Facebook is all they have. Some people who are down are truly down, not just making a scene for attention. I can't "delete" anyone who I think may truly benefit from my help and love, and if I'm in a good place, I can filter what they're saying and focus on my own greater good.

I just think that life is dynamic and interactive, and not that black and white.

All best,

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

Sherrysvilla 5 pts

If you keep saying it maybe everyone will get the message. Great Posting.

Sherry Trenee

http://www.sherrysvilla.com/wp

maranda 5 pts

Love this! Life is a privilege and I want to live mine surrounded by positive attitude. Great post, and fully agree.

Colleen @DrMomOnline.com 5 pts

HOLY COW!!! Seeeeriously??
I had NO idea what that even meant!! (sheltered? perhaps! thankful, too.)
Why on earth would anyone SAY that??

(OK, I *know* why someone would say that... it's rhetorical. I just don't get why anyone would waste any energy or place any further focus on the negativity by actually taking the time to type it.)

Thanks for the wake up call & lesson! : )
Colleen

Healthier Doesn't Have to be Hard! Real Health for Real People. http://DrMomOnline.com

cynthia bailey md 5 pts

I too don't have a clue about the meaning or use of FML. Is it when people beat themselves up for making a mistake? If so, I prefer to look at 'challenges' as 'growth opportunities' or 'teachers'. Hmmm

Lisa Stone 6 pts

I couldn't agree more. The messages we tell ourselves -- whether it's out loud as a ha-ha-joke or inner, undermining whispers of self-hatred and insecurity -- get grafted onto our bones. There's a Buddhist saying I love: "Life is so hard, why wouldn't you be as kind as possible to everyone?" I think it's so important to extend that kindness to ourselves.

Lisa Stone, BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone )

BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

Trish Iles 5 pts

Well said! The older I get, the less patience I have with the "woe is me" crowd. Choose happiness! Choose joy! It's up to us.

If you're sitting around waiting for someone or something to make you happy, you're moving backwards, baby.

Trish in AZ

www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com ( http://www.contemplatinghappiness.blogspot.com )

tracylcartmell 5 pts

...since I have no clue what those three letters mean. go me go...;)

Tracy L Cartmell

Cookedheads

cookedheads.blogspot.com

priyazanil 5 pts

I first mistook FML for FBML facebook markup language.

Marileigh 5 pts

 Marileigh

I love this. I have no idea what FML is except Family Medical Leave, but it sounds bad and I'll leave it at that. My life is such that I don't drama--no time for it. There is to much to do and see.

etnyres 5 pts

i don't get it. why people get so down on themselves. no matter how bad, it can always get worse, so appreciate where you're at. My little sister (she's 19) is fighting cancer with a smile. I haven't heard her once say FML. I didn't even really remember what it meant. There's no need for negativity in our lives. Really great post. I agree whole-heartedly!!!!!

www.livingwithumami.com ( http://www.livingwithumami.com )

Em's site
www.sweetemilyerin.com ( http://www.sweetemilyerin.com )

victorias_view 19 pts moderator

You are right! Life isn't perfect and we have to live it the best way we can! Cheers to the good life!

BrianneA 5 pts

Great resolution! Everytime I see FML I think they're talking about Family Medical Leave and I get so confused.

irishjenni 5 pts

I completely agree! It's amazing how many "FML" statements are made about experiences that are just part of life. Yep, we all have to wait in line sometimes, sometimes we don't get the job or the boy. But we can pull up our boot straps and keep marching.

http://winewillfixit.blogspot.com