"No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around." - Rudy


The Mormon

I see people getting pushed around in relationships all the time. Men and women. Guys like high-maintenance bitchy girls and girls like bad boy ass holes. That’s just the way it is.
I have a friend whose wife throws shoes at his head. My ex-boyfriend married a woman who his family has nicknamed “Mega Beast” and she threatens to kill herself and their child if he doesn’t do what she wants. Yikes. No thanks. And then I have this masochist friend who goes through horrible relationships with complete jerks and pines over them when they end. How do people get sucked into these mentally and physically abusive relationships?

In 5th grade someone decided we all needed to have boyfriends before we went to middle school. Everyone paired off but me. I didn’t want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend, I wanted a boyfriend when I found someone I liked enough to be my boyfriend, which is still my motto today. There are some people who need to be in relationships constantly to feel happiness, even if they are completely unhappy in the relationship itself.

I sort of get it, dating a jerk can be fun. But when I look back at some of the things he said and the reasons he had for being with me I realize, “Dang, that guy was a total jerk.” And spending a lifetime with a jerk is not for me.

It’s sad to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you. Sure they say they do. But you can tell when they don’t. Whether it’s what they say, what they don’t say or if they beat you senseless and tell people you’re just clumsy. If you know it’s going nowhere with this person be strong enough to end it and start finding someone better for you. Gain the confidence to get out. Don’t let anyone come into your life and push you around. Do yourself a solid and be in the kind of relationship you deserve.  

The Masochist

I’m a competitive person.  Fairly confident that I can learn and do anything, I’ve even tried to convince people that I’d do well in the NFL.  That being said, physical fitness is very important to me.  Exercising clears my mind.  As my friend, you are probably sick of me talking about Barry’s Bootcamp and how it makes me feel so ‘primal’.  Having a workout so physically demanding that I can focus on nothing other than my muscles and breathing makes me feel…free.

After a lovely first date with a ‘great on paper’ guy that I wasn’t wholly attracted to, I made it clear that I was not interested.  Having known me (barely) before that date he commented, “You know…maybe it’d be nice if you didn’t only date super models.  Guys like us will treat you better.”  I was flattered, insulted and stunned.  Who isn’t attracted to someone that is physically fit?  I mean, Ryan Lochte and his newly won gold medals have had me tweeting about him for months before the Olympics.  I wish this guy new that it isn’t just the sexual attraction that keeps me falling for ‘super models’. When someone exercises and takes care of their body I know I will not only have someone that cares about their health, but someone that will push me as well. I’d like to be able to go to a class or a morning run with the guy I’m seeing.  Yes, the swim shoulders and six pack don’t hurt, but more importantly, it is hot to be healthy.

Beyond that, I was also insulted that he thought I only dated attractive men.  If you looked at a yearbook of men I’ve dated seriously or just gone out with over the past 10 years there would be no through line.  I’ve dated men with beer guts, bald heads, shorter than me, funnier than me, smarter than me, dumber than me and creepily just like me.  I don’t seem to think I have a type, but I’d be lying if I said ‘fit’ didn’t get me to turn my head once or twice.  

As far as ‘treating me better’, I believed this guy for a moment. I’ve lived and do live in a masochistic cycle.  I’m cheated on, disrespected, lied to and never text back.  But none of that can be attributed to the fact that a guy is (traditionally) good looking.  I’m just choosing the wrong men, period.  I can’t seem to control that.  I can’t make a guy treat me well, but I can go to that extra spin class. Until I find a man who is worth it, Barry is my boyfriend for now.


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