No One is Perfect

BlogHer Original Post

A few weeks ago, when I was gearing up to hear my A1C results, I admitted freely that the wedding stress of eight month ago really left it's mark on my numbers.

And over that weekend, I received several emails from people that said, "Me, too! I have trouble lowering my A1C too, but every step towards my goal is a step in the right direction!" I also received emails just wishing me some luck on controlling these numbers.

Then there was the one that asserted "A person in your public-facing position should have better control of their numbers. You are a role-model and someone that should set an example to these young children. An A1C of 7.5% is not good enough."

And then there was a comment from Dr. Bernstein: "An A1c of 7% corresponds to an average BG of 180 mg/dl. Not a wise target for someone who wants to become pregnant. A normal A1c is 4.2-4.6 % -- not what the ADA promotes. Pregnant non-obese non-diabetics usually have blood sugars below 70mg/dl."

I'm not sure what kind of impression people get of me from reading this blog, but if I've made the mistake of fooling you into thinking I know how to perfectly control my diabetes, that unfortunately is not the case. I'm not a role model, not like that. I don't have perfect diabetes control and on some days, I'm not sure what to do next. I am trying to fill in for my islet cells, for an organ that went rogue on me, and it's not a science I've perfected. I'm working hard, every day, to achieve a level of life and health balance.

So to the folks who think I should have an A1C of 5.0% simply because I blog about diabetes ... for those who are reading and clucking your tongue against the roof of your mouth - "Oh, her baby is going to be upset in there if she has an A1c that high when she conceives." - I invite you to stop clucking around. (Puns. Cannot resist. Sorry.) SUM is a public blog, and I've made the choice to make my diabetes life a public one, but I'm not a doctor. My A1C is not 5.0%. I don't have this "all figured out." (And I sometimes eat E.L. Fudge cookies when I'm frustrated.)

But blogging has provided me with a support community I couldn't have imagined. I can't even begin to tell you what kind of an impact you all have had on me, proving time and time again that I am not alone with this disease. You guys make me feel connected, secure, and confident that every bump along the way can serve to educate me and make me a tougher (E.L. Fudge?) cookie. I appreciate the support, and I appreciate the criticisms because they are more than valid. But don't expect me to have this thing completely controlled.

I want to be healthy, and I want to enjoy a healthy pregnancy in my future. I am working to bring my body to a state of optimal health, but I'm not lying to myself, or to my readers, along the way. Shit. Gets. In. The. Way. I can't pretend to be perfect, but I am honest about my shortcomings, and I am trying to do better for myself and for my family.

If you want to leave comments about how you think I should be better controlled, I'll agree with you. If you want to peck at my armor and find the kinks, you won't have to look very hard. I put all of this out there knowing the risks and the judgments that come with a public-facing blog. And I appreciate that people care and offer their opinions and perspectives (both good and bad), and provide that community I was craving when I felt alone.

But my diabetes, shared with the Internet or not, remains mine.

Remember that before you pick up a stone. My house isn't the only glass one.


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