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I'm going to write a post about how it feels to be depressed.
You definitely should. It will touch and reach a lot of people. There is a big difference between being sad and being depressed and folks honestly don't understand. ~ SoJo
Diva: I'm listening to Jennifer Holliday. She was so talented that it's a shame she never moved past Dreamgirls. Just like Phyllis Hyman...so talented to be so torn.
TJ: Well she just released a gospel album on her own label so she's still recording music and on her own terms. So she's doing better than Phyllis.
Diva: She was only 46
TJ: She was actually 45. It was a week before her 46th
Diva: Ya know....when you're that far gone, you feel like nobody understands and friends and family try to interject what they deem as logic but since you feel like they don't get it...you don't want to hear it. Because they don't understand. It's so easy for you to just issue an edict that sounds like common sense to you but to me all I can think is "TJ doesn't get it! She doesn't understand!"
TJ: None of us really truly understands what it is to be someone else. We can try, but we can never fully understand. We can try to help someone, but they may decide our help is not help. Life is short, though, I do know that.
Diva: You wanna know how I feel.....I feel like life is too short to be miserable so I should just die now and stop being miserable.
Depression is not being sad. It's not being lonely around the holidays or listening to sad music. Depression feels like life has no purpose....like the mental pain won't ever go away. You can't shake it off and "get happy". You can't focus on the positive in your life and get out of your blue funk. NOTHING IS POSITIVE. NOTHING WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY. I tried to eat this morning and the thought of chewing took so much energy that I just spit it out and stopped trying. I got in the car yesterday and after I'd driven for about an hour I realized that I couldn't remember how much vodka I'd had to drink. Speaking of vodka, I hid the bottle because I thought someone else was drinking it and then I realized that I am the one who drank that whole bottle. I don't even remember it.
Depression can include being sad but it's not the sole emotion. I'm tired. I'm defeated. My life is pointless. I talked to my cousin who just finished her rotations for nursing school and she said "You're one of those people with lots of book sense and no common sense." I replied "ALL MY LIFE." She told me "those people take medication and you need to really get on some to balance yourself out." At the end of the conversation I had decided that maybe medication would be good but not for balance. No. If I could get some real drugs then maybe I could be brave enough to take them all and finish off that vodka and finally get my wish of never waking up. There is no God in my mind because if there was my prayer of death would be answered.
When you are depressed there is no hope for the future. You don't even see things like that. Here is an example: When your car breaks down and you're already having money problems, the thought of having to get it fixed makes you sad. But you focus on the positive outcome...the fixed car. When you are depressed and your tire gets a slow leak there is no positive outcome. There are only the things wrong in your life.
I need a new tire.
I can't afford new tires.
I'm broke.
I'm not worthy enough of making more money.
I absolutely hate my job.
If I was a better person I'd be able to get a better job.
If I wasn't crazy as hell then I wouldn't have lost my self value and worth when I lost my job.
I ruined my marriage because I checked out on life.
It's all my fault.
EVERYTHING WRONG IN MY LIFE IS MY FAULT AND I HATE MY LIFE.
Now if you had friends like mine TJ would tell you that Firestone patches tire leaks for $15 but the inner diva in your head is literally
