Journaling online: How honest are we required to be?

Here's my problem with the whole thing. I didn't read lonelygirl15 nor would I be likely to. But I might read the blog of someone with concerns or issues in their lives similar to mine. I would care. I would reach out. I would even probably blog about them.

And I would feel completely duped when I discovered they were a sham. Maybe lonelygirl didn't take advantage of people's compassion, but there are some out there who do. I don't want to discover that I put any energy into a sham.

DrumsNWhistles (odd time signatures ( http://drumsnwhistles.com ))

I don't believe anyone has the right to tell you, just how forthcoming you are or should be. I believe your blog is...well, your blog; and you should present it to the world the way you see fit.

I am not, by any means, the most interesting person in the world. I would like to be, but I'm not. I talk a lot about my kids, I talk some about my husband, I rant about the state of the world. But I choose not to give the play by play, in regards to my personal interactions with my family and the net at large. That is how we, as bloggers, keep something sacred to ourselves.

Whether somone's accounts are truthful or not...I really could care less. I read other people's blogs to interact with the world; to be inspired. I read other people's accounts simply to fill my day with something interesting, or with a good laugh. Whether that person is telling the truth, makes no difference to me. Because I got exactly what I wanted from their dialogue...I got to interact in someone elses life just for the sake of laughter and maybe enlightenment.

I reveal very little about myself because, well, most of it isn't all that interesting. At least I don't think it is, and I'm not talented enough to make the uninteresting sound amusing. I have a blog, not a reality tv show. Once in a while, I'll throw a good, meaty rant out there, but I'd rather talk about my new favorite tv show, or a great book I just read.

Not so much with the blog, maybe because I'm fairly new, too, and don't get a lot of feedback, but on a couple forums I've been accused of being too closed up because I don't reveal the minutiae of my life. I can be incredibly forthright when it comes to ideas, but the everyday trivia of my life? No thank you.

James Frey, JT Leroy, Lonelygirl (whom, by the way, I'd never heard of until...now), I don't know what to think. James Frey presented his work as truth, no question. Of course readers felt betrayed. With blogs, forums, whatever, (Lonelygirl is not the first. There was another well publicized hoax via Metafilter some years ago: a fictitious girl dying of cancer.) I think you have go in with a healthy dose of skepticism. On the internet, no one knows your a dog...

I had the same reaction as Karen did about lonelygirl15. Big deal, I thought. Why do so many people feel “violated?” Granted lonelygirl15 was a wholesale fiction, but it made me ask: what are readers looking for in a blog anyway?

Like most readers everywhere I think we look for truth that speaks to us. How that truth will look, or when we feel that truth has been too radically tampered with will differ from reader to reader. I didn’t read lonelygirl but personally, if it had moved me, I’d have remained moved even after I found out it was (oh my god!) made up. Just like I still liked The Metamorphosis even after I found out a guy named Gregor didn’t really turn into a cockroach.

But that's fiction and Karen, you do ask an interesting question: “do we, as authors/artists/citizen journalists/whatever, have an obligation to (a) reveal all and/or (b) reveal honestly?”

I've struggled with this in the process of writing my blog ( http://thatsempresstoyou.typepad.com ). After writing a post ( http://thatsempresstoyou.typepad.com/thats_empress... ) about a trip to New York, in which I mentioned the fact that I stayed at the W Hotel, I was castigated by a reader who wrote: “Lemme get this straight: You worry incessantly about money, but you have no job as far as I can tell, stay at the W when you travel to NY, and you want the rest of us to believe that all this, and your ridiculous worrying about the number of calories in a crouton, makes you an everywoman? Here's a useful tip: Get a paying job; you will worry less about money and wont have the time to obsess about your thighs.”

Now I don’t want to engage in the Great Suffering Contest, and I never presumed to speak for Everywoman, just for myself. Still, it made me wonder if certain details are best left unmentioned. Then maybe my point about my finally not feeling like an exile in my own city might not have been obscured by how much money I spent at a hotel. Sometimes, I thought, facts only distract from a story, or render a point meaningless. I suppose if I’d included all the details – what a splurge it was, why I took the trip vis a vis my strained relationship with my boyfriend, why I’m not working now, blah blah blah – the picture would be very different. On the other hand if I just leave out ALL the details, the story gets told and no one gets upset or confused. Right?

Or is leaving out those details akin to James Frey leaving out or accessorizing certain “details” to strengthen his story? Since a blog is not a memoir, as 3under5 points out, we may have a little leeway, but how much is too much? As you see, I am still struggling with these questions.

Lisa from That's Empress to You ( http://thatsempresstoyou.typepad.com/ )

I am relatively new to the blogosphere, having started my blog just a couple months ago. While I have slipped into personal revelation on a post or two, I try to stay observant, because I am uncomfortable with too much personal sharing. Most of the time my observations about motherhood are based on completely true stories, like this one ( http://mommytracks.blogspot.com/2006/08/worlds-wor... ) but sometimes I embelish just a little or add a fact or two for the sake of 'art'. ( http://www.mommytracks.blogspot.com ) But,I think it's all ok since my blog isn't titled Mommy Tracks: A Memoir.

For me, it's not the tone that concerns me - sometimes I love to read a good rant, while other times I believe shared optimism can save the world. I am more concerned about the sheer volume of really personal and senstitive information at the fingertips of millions.

Am I just old-fashioned?

Mommy Tracks ( http://www.mommytracks.blogspot.com )

I was well into my thirties before I discovered that personal boundaries were not a fixed, once and for all, all-or-nothing proposition.

I'm sure that is Life 101 to most of you, but let me tell you, it was a revelation to me.

Today, I choose what to share or not to share on a day by day, case by case basis.

I love the warm and radiant tone of Dooce ( http://www.dooce.com ) with all its grit and angst. I relate to both, and both feel authentic to me.

k.
Notes to Self ( http://k1969.blogspot.com )

I think it really depends. I've found that honesty is usually the best policy. But I don't reveal my phone number publicly, for example. Nor do I reveal something told in private. But there are other things I won't reveal that others would. I think, to some extent, it does have to be left to the individual. That being said, as a blogger, we do create relationships. We have to know that outright lies will hurt others, and be responsible in that manner. With your desire to share the good things, I think that's not dishonest, it's choosing what you will dwell on and how you will use your blog. If I wrote a book on my life with my guide dog, I don't think it's dishonest if I choose not to talk about my socialwork education.

Nickie's Nook: The Radical Ramblings of a Tactless Teen ( http://www.nickiesnook.com )

I believe there's a big difference in hiding the whole truth and lying plain out. It's okay if I decided to hide parts of my life, but would I make up a story just to get viewership? Who's to say?

I find that being a writer you come accross a lot of issues in how to write and what to reveal on a personal site. But then again, it's my site and I am free to write what I choose. Even if means I hide a chunk of my life from the prying eyes of the world.

Girl en Route ( http://www.girlenroute.com )

I don't reveal everything -- but what I do reveal is true. For example, I'm not going to rant to the internet about a fight I might have with my husband; that's our business, not the world's. Then again, not even my closest friends know everything about me and my life. This incident, though, is kind of like the internet version of James Frey -- purposely produced and posted to deceive. I've feel like I've made some pretty good friends through my online journal and blog, and I've even met many of them. I'd hate to think that they were, in essence, lying to me.

The Blog: Red Nose ( http://bozoette.typepad.com )
The Book: Girl Clown ( http://www.lulu.com/content/45470 )

I think there's a distinction to be made between revealing and revealing honestly. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to reveal anything, but I think that if they've chosen to reveal something, they should be honest. I mean, what's to be gained, for anyone -writer or reader- in being dishonest? If the truth isn't something you want to share, then shut up all together :) I think that people forget that their readers are real people, and should be treated like anyone that you'd deal with in real life. Too many people are dishonest online simply because they can get away with it, and that mentality is, in my mind, disrespectful to those that read.

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