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I haven't been blogging much as the Contributing Editor for ANZO lately, which is something that I've felt very guilty about. Four weeks ago, I moved to another city, in another country, half way around the world, for a new job. And I've been feeling rather... overwhelmed by it all.
This is the third time I've lived overseas (London, China and now Dubai), and in the lead up to leaving, everyone was asking me if I was nervous about the move (answer: nope, I was really looking forward to it). If I was worried about living in a Muslim country (answer: nope, Dubai is a very liberal place). If my way of life would be restricted (answer: not at all - I can drive, drink alcohol, and buy pork products, don't have to wear a veil and can wear whatever I want).
It was only about half an hour before we landed that it hit me. That feeling of "what the hell am I doing???" That feeling that I was drowning. That feeling of being completely overwhelmed. And all alone in a foreign country. That first day was difficult. I was tired and jetlagged and hot and cranky and feeling like I had just made the biggest mistake imaginable by moving to Dubai. I felt slightly better after having a shower and a nap, and once the air conditioning had started working, but that feeling of fear and being overwhelmed was still there.
I knew one person in Dubai, and she was someone I hadn't even met before. We had been emailing after I read some of her posts on a travel bulletin board, and I had been asking her advice about moving to Dubai and what to expect. She is an fellow Aussie, and in that time honoured tradition of Aussies looking out for other Aussies when overseas, she had given me her mobile phone number to call her once I arrived. And so I phoned her, and she greeted me like I was a long lost friend - "Oh my God! You're here! You're in Dubai!", and in typical Dubai expat style, we made plans to meet up the next day with a group of her friends at a beer festival at an Irish pub. Where I got to hear a lot of people telling me how it was completely normal to feel overwhelmed by moving to Dubai and to be asking yourself what the hell you were doing here. Nice to know I wasn't the only one!
My first couple of weeks in Dubai were difficult. My new job was completely overwhelming. Although it was similar to what I had been doing in Australia and China, it was in a very specialised area that I hadn't worked in previously, and so the learning curve has been rather steep. I would get home from work and feel completely and utterly exhausted from work, but then be unable to fall asleep until really late. And dealing with all the paperwork associated with starting a new life in another country - residency visa, new bank account & credit card, liquor licence (because you need a licence here in Dubai to buy alcohol and keep it in your home), switching my drivers licence, sorting out accommodation issues. And the heat of summer has meant that I've spent most of my time indoors, in air conditioning, rather than exploring my new city - there are only so many shopping malls you can go to before they all start to blur into one big mass of consumerism.
But it hasn't all been about fear and feeling overwhelmed. There are moments of awe as well, as I see this city rising up out of the desert sands, with all the construction and vast number of cranes on the skyline. Or when I see the Burj al Arab and am filled with a sense of wonder. It truly is a remarkable place to be living at the moment.
I think that the feeling of fear and being overwhelmed is normal when you are pushing your boundaries and going past your comfort zone. Every time I push past my comfort zone, I learn something new about myself, and realise how resilient and capable I am. Fear doesn't have to be something that holds you back - it can also push you forward into a new life.
Four weeks later, I'm feeling a bit more settled. Not that it feels like home yet, but I am feeling more comfortable. Work stuff makes more
