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My husband, Marcus, is one of those people who gets along with everyone. He's laid-back, easy-going, and people are generally very attracted to him. As a result, since we've been together, I"ve had the opportunity to meet some really wonderful people -- people who have become very close friends of mine, independent of their relationship with Marcus.
But every now and then, I meet someone who Marcus really likes and who -- God forgive me -- I don't.
I hate when this happens: without exception, all of Marcus' friends are good people. They're honest. They're generous. They have good hearts. But every now and then I'll meet someone who is the proud owner of a cache of habits that generally bother the ever-living snot out of me. People who, despite their good intentions, I find have to consciously remain pleasant just to remain in their presence.
Isn't that evil?
As a result, I usually find myself wracked with guilt at my behaviour. I should be a bigger person than this, I'll find myself thinking. He's important to Marcus. That should be enough for me to like him.
But you know what? It isn't. And as I think more about this, I can't help but wonder where it's written that we're supposed to like everyone our spouse likes. I mean, let's face it: though Marcus is far too nice to say it, I'm sure there are friends of mine who drive Marcus to distraction. Part of the reason that Marcus and I are attracted to each other is because we're so different -- and since our interests are wide and varied, it's inevitable that there will be members in our individual social circles who will rub us the wrong way.
Recently, I met one of these annoying friends, and Marcus, sensing my discomfort, has been apologizing like a madman -- which makes me feel horrible. "It's not your fault!" I keep saying. Finally, last night, I looked at him:
"Marcus, okay, just because I don't like Mr. Annoying Man doesn't mean that I want your relationship with him to change, you know that, right?"
"Yes, I know," he said, unconvinced. I don't blame him -- after all, the fact that his wife doesn't like his friend necessarily affects the friendship, doesn't it?
I continued: "And as long as Mr. Annoying Man is your friend, you know he's always welcome in our home, right? I realize that this is all my issue, and I have to deal. And I'm trying. Although he's more trying. Kidding! Sort of. Anyway, seriously, I'll try to do better. Know that I know that this is for me to deal with."
Marcus smiled, and kissed my forehead.
I feel very small. I don't think it's possible for me to ever click with this friend, but I could use some advice here: how do you handle it when you don't like one of your partner's friends?
__________
Contributing Editor Karen Walrond blogs at her personal blog, Chookooloonks, and her green shopping blog, Emerald Market.
