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Last week, we were discussing Freedom From Sex at my other blog, the point being that one of the surprise boons of aging is release from raging hormones.
No one tells you this stuff when you’re younger, and before interest in sex begins to wane after menopause, you have no idea how relentless and controlling is this primal urge because you’ve never known anything else. But when your mind is at last awakened from the fog of sex, it is like being let out of prison.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that sexual desire disappears. In my case and so far, it’s as strong as ever, but not constant and free-floating as when I was younger. It appears now only when there is an object of desire in the vicinity which isn’t often, due to older men’s attraction to younger women and my own greater discrimination.
Sex is always a hot topic, but hardly anyone speaks of waning libido and although it is entirely anecdotal, what was most interesting to me about this post last week was the differing reactions of elder women and men.
“Hear! Hear! Brava!†wrote Joy D. “I wholeheartedly agree and identified with all you wrote.â€
“Raging hormones: disease of the too young!†said Cop Car.
Kay Dennison explained: “I'm in a relationship for the present, but it's based more on common interest and friendship than any of the other stuff and we are just fine with that.â€
And from Elizabeth, “I have to agree! At 60, I am happier than I have ever been. I, too, have ditched 2 husbands in favor of cats. I am GLAD it is gone.â€
There are more who echo the sentiment including this from Virginia DeBolt with tongue perhaps not so firmly in cheek: “It's the loss of libido that leads us into wisdom.â€
Fewer men responded and
Paul disagreed with Virginia: “I am 58 and still have an active libido and I do not think for a second that a loss of libido leads one to wisdom, because it doesn't necessarily.†Come on, Paul, lighten up.
sereneambition rejects the entire idea of diminished interest in sex with age: “I wonder if losing the libido is natural? If there are examples of late life lusting, then it is a choice, not an inevitable fact of life.†Could it be he is whistling past the graveyard?
Dick, on the other hand, obviously takes this subject with the humor it properly deserves. He left this tidbit: “British jazz singer, writer & surrealist, George Melly (80 this year, I believe) remarked that losing his libido was like being unchained from a wild beast.â€
Whether it’s true or not, many women would agree that men’s egos are more closely tied to their sexual function than women’s. Not that women aren’t equally erotic; I have no doubt each one of those who reported relief at their hormones hitting free-fall, squeezed out every bit of pleasure possible during their more lustful years.
The important thing, I think, is to follow the inclinations of each stage of life, to accept normal changes when they appear and get on with what engages you next. To be stuck at a previous age is awkward to observe – from within and without. I am willing to be proved wrong, but women appear to have a better grasp of this than men.
* Contributing Editor Ronni Bennett also blogs at Time Goes By, What it’s really like to get older.
