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Being a Gemini, I always considered myself a communicator and a natural-born extrovert. As a kid, I always loved being around people; I never was one of those types to hang out in my bedroom, listening to the Smiths. My birthday parties were always blow-outs--huge events teeming with kids, games and food. The more kids, I realized, the more presents.
Somewhere in college that changed. Sure, I did the sorority thing, which enforced networking, parties, and general debauchery, but I often secluded myself during the day in cafes. I told people that I needed to study, but really I needed to be alone. Today I find it daunting when I have multiple social events to attend in as many days; just thinking about them drains me of energy. All those dinner parties I envisioned myself having? I have maybe a half dozen a year. The more dinner guests, I realize, the more dishes to wash.
Of course I often wonder what the hell has happened to me; as I get older I'm learning that I'm not the extrovert I thought I was. I took the Myers Briggs Exam a couple of years ago and found it hard to believe, but it was true: I wasn't an ENTJ but an INFJ--someone who acts on feelings over logic, and someone who prefers to work alone. Though my job requires meeting lots of people, I find that after the calls and the meetings I need to have significant time by myself to process. I meet a few folks, have a nice chat, and then I go home--very tired and ready to watch Top Chef.
Don't get me wrong, I always start out excited by big social events. I had every minute of my time allocated toward some social activity last year at the SXSW Conference, but I found myself racing back to my hotel room by 10, ready to zone out in front of the TV.
I've asked myself, what the hell is wrong with me? I suspect there are many reasons for this latent introversion--that lame excuse of getting older, for one; lower alcohol tolerance is another. Also, I suspect that though I was not very self-conscious as a young extrovert, I was not very self-aware, either. I now prefer quality over quantity when I network, which doesn't always fit with that cardinal networking rule: shake hands, chit chat, exchange cards, and move on. I'm also a more efficient networker than I used to be; If I go somewhere with the purpose of meeting someone, I get it done, foregoing idle conversation with people I don't intend to connect with again.
I'm lucky that many of the events I attend are teeming with people that I already know; it's like the parties that you went to in high school--you can almost guess who you'll see, and it's always fun to catch up. But recently I attended an event where I wasn't buffered by my social media peeps. Rather, I was holding the flag for my industry and trying to make the case to a decidedly Web 1.0 crowd that blogs are where it's at. I went to this event alone, excited at the prospect of educating people and introduced myself to anyone within handshaking distance. Some were cordial and chatted with me for a few minutes before moving on. Others seemed more intent on sticking with their friends. Some humored me while I extolled the virtues of blogs, gave me a card and then said, "nice talking with you."
That night I did something I'd never done before and followed to the letter the advice I'd read in networking articles that I thought would never apply to me: If networking is a painful experience, set a goal for yourself, hit it, and then leave. I silently agreed to meet five more people, which earned me the right to go home.
After that night it occurred to me that networking can be very difficult, particularly if you aren't in your personal or professional comfort zone. I hear all the time from women attending the BlogHer Conference who are nervous about meeting other attendees. I used to think "P'shaw! Once you get here you'll be so glad you came." But I say this as an "insider", as a planner of the event, as someone who is constantly busy and only too happy to kick back and enjoy a drink with attendees, not someone who has never met any of the other bloggers in person and is waiting
