AirTran gives family a time-out
by Mir Kamin
It's all over the blogosphere today: Elly Kulesza, all of three years old, threw a tantrum on the AirTran plane she and her parents were to take home to the Boston area on January 14th. The plane could not take off while the toddler flailed first in the aisle and then her mother's lap, and the family was kicked off the plane.
Unlike the Delta/Freedom Airlines breastfeeding skirmish from last Fall, this story is not nearly so well-suited to demonizing the airlines.
The Worcester Telegram's Dianne Williamson managed to inject just a little levity into the wave of reaction with this tidbit:
The incident has sparked varied responses from those who heard the story. While many people — mostly parents — sympathize with the Kuleszas, others are less inclined. For example, when I related the tale to an unnamed colleague and asked if he had ever heard of an airline bouncing a child from a flight he said, "No, but I’m all for it. Couldn’t they have checked her with the baggage?"
This colleague, as it happens, has no kids.
I loved this, because it made me laugh, particularly after reading ten blog posts in a row that basically boiled down to "Damn hippie parents who don't know how to discipline their bratty children! Good riddance! Go AirTran!" Those posts made me cringe.
As a parent, I've known the embarrassment of a child who just won't behave. I also know that the world is not going to revolve around my kids' whims. I've read a few different versions of the Kulesza family's ordeal, now (one claims that Elly was frightened, and needing comfort; another says that the airline had already given the parents fifteen minutes to get her behavior under control, although I interpreted the "the flight was already 15 minutes late" to mean the plan was late for other reasons), and I'm not sure I really know what happened.
But I tend to agree with Mac of Pesky'Apostrophe when she opines:
The Kulesza parents say they weren't given any time to get their daughter under control. Well...how much time do you normally have between board a plane and take off? On average, I'd say 15-20 minutes, right? And their flight was delayed by 15 minutes. While I realize some kids are a real handful, especially if they're tired, just how long should it take to force your kid to sit still? I mean, this isn't your home or even your car. This is a planeful of other people, not to mention the rest of the air traffic you're holding up behind you. I think AirTran absolutely did the right thing - it's not like the kid was expected to be silent, just seated. No one else gets an exemption, so why should some random kid get special treatment?
What would I have the parents do? Well...plan better. Surely you know your kid well enough by the time they're three years old to know what works to get their attention, deflect their attention, and get focused on something positive.
You know, sometimes kids cry and scream. Sometimes you're the poor schmuck on the plane fielding death glares from everyone else because you simply cannot get your baby to stop crying. But I finally figured out what bothers me most about this story: I believe the Kuleszas might not have been able to get their daughter to stop crying, but that shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not she was in her seat, per FAA regulations.
The Worcester Telegram piece includes this line, which is where I stopped feeling that the Kuleszas had been unfairly called out:
They got off the plane, while their luggage and car seat flew on to Boston.
They checked the car seat? If they'd brought it on the plane with them---which is the safest option for a toddler, anyway---they could've buckled Elly in and that would've been the end of it. Maybe she would've screamed, maybe the other passengers would've been annoyed, but they would've flown home as planned.
Instead, they were delayed a day, had their tickets refunded (even after being flown home), and are busy telling the media how wronged they were.
And in the process, they're making responsible parents look bad by association.
BlogHer Contributing Editor Mir also blogs at Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Want Not, and when she says "sit down and buckle up," the correct response is "Yes Ma'am."
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Comments
Flying high
This is a great summary of a few sides to the story, and an even better conclusion. I know that it is not always possible to control a young child, but man, there are definitely times when it matters much more than others. One of the things little Elly is not going to learn now that the airline has given them their money back and the family got a bunch of media attention/sympathy is that there are consequences to our actions. I hope her parents do a better job of helping her grow into a responsible little person in other situations.
Suzanne, BlogHer Contributing Editor - Feminsim & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
Flying high
This is a great summary of a few sides to the story, and an even better conclusion. I know that it is not always possible to control a young child, but man, there are definitely times when it matters much more than others. One of the things little Elly is not going to learn now that the airline has given them their money back and the family got a bunch of media attention/sympathy is that there are consequences to our actions. I hope her parents do a better job of helping her grow into a responsible little person in other situations rather than acting like whiny babies themselves.
Suzanne, BlogHer Contributing Editor - Feminsim & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
Not just a refund
They also got free roundtrip tickets to the destination of their choosing.
Heather B.
Personal Blog: No Pasa Nada
BlogHer CE: Business, Career & Personal Finance
An
must be nice ;)
Thanks for the correction, Heather. Geez. I think the next time I fly I'll see if I can get MY kids to get me all those freebies. ;)
--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Having it all with less: Want Not
Actually from the story I
Actually from the story I read it was THREE round-trip tickets.
Not all car seats are made to fly, those that
are might not fit
I have flown with my kids (now 6 & 2) and I researched in advance before each flight on what the latest thing I could bring on a flight.
A year ago, I could not find anything for booster-sized kids and I got the sit-and stroll for the younger one. On the flight back, we did away with the sit and stroll because it hardly fits on those short flight seats. The attendants are a bit indifferent to them for they have to fetch seat extenders to fit them in. They sometimes have trouble finding the seat extenders. On one flight we were told we could not sit next to one of our children because there were four of us and the kid in the child seat had to be along the aisle. We did use baby-bair for the younger one when not using a child seat but the larger size only accomodates toddler up to 2 and not approved for landing or take off.
As far as keeping the kid in the seat, I suppose there are 2 parents and one kid and they can just simply hold her down and give her a time out. At any rate, the parents lose because there is a whole plane of people of 120 with 400 opinions. If you are harsh, they call child services. If you are too soft, you get kicked off. We generally get dirty looks.
Ya know, some of us have to procreate and most parents I know want their kids to behave. There are no simple way to strap on a child that is in between. There is a harness invented for flying but it won't be approved for a while.
We are supposed to be about doing what best for kids and raising them in some village. But seems like when I was new in a town and looked for help, even paid help, it was almost impossible to find. Instead, parents often re-invent the wheel using the internet while the grand parents are far away. I can't even find a good enough church nursery most of the time. There are often no place to nurse a baby in a church or sometimes you have a crazy looking person watch your baby with unclean hands. I once found a church nursery in an airless room with an open bag of cheerios stored next to diapers on a changing pad.
I am seeing a bad culture where no one helps when a child cries but everyone stares. I have an instance where a nice matronly stranger have distracted a crying child with just saying a few words (something a parent can't always accomplish.) If people cared more about the young and the old, if people cared about people who needed help, there would not have been something as tragic as those stranded people in hurricane Katrina.
Okay, climbing down from my tall tall vent now...
Interesting perspectives...
I commented on this story myself a little while ago here, and while I agree that a little planning may have helped, as a new mother (only a little less than 3 years), it seems you can do all the planning in the world sometimes and it not make a difference. I can imagine that that could have been me, and I consider myself to be a responsible parent. In fact, I flew last year with my daughter, who wasn't quite 2 years old yet, and it definitely did not go smoothly. Yet, there were some understanding and empathetic passengers around me who were gracious enough to help me. Thank God!
My understanding...
... is that the issue wasn't that the child was screaming/upset, but that she wouldn't sit in her seat. A responsible parent wouldn't drive a car with an unbuckled child in it; hopefully they'd pull over and resolve the issue. A responsible parent on an airplane either seats and buckles the child or gets off the plane.
We've all had the hysterical-screaming tantrum child at just the wrong time, with all eyes on us. And it's uncomfortable and embarrassing, yes. What happened here wasn't about the child, but about parents thinking that FAA regulations and the timetable of an entire airline should be bendable for them. I personally find that a pretty self-absorbed point of view, is all.
--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Having it all with less: Want Not
Time outs can be good things
It's possible that in this instance a "time out" is exactly what was needed. Not for the sake of the other passengers, but for the sake of this obviously distraught little girl and her family. Without being there, it's impossible to know the entire story, but if my child was so hysterical she was unable to take her seat, I would be concerned. I also might voluntarily remove myself from the situation I was in so that I might better attend to her needs.
My two cents. I'd also like to add that I hope I never have to test out my own theory. :)
Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family
Mom Writes
Be Prepared
Antique Mommy
You only have to fly with a toddler once to know to bring along a bag of never before seen platstic dollar store distractions and munchies. And if that doesn't work, Benedryl. :)
This is one of the best posts I've seen on
this topic
This rankled so many feathers around the blogosphere today. As the parent of an occasionally disgruntled toddler, I at first sympathized totally with the parents, but on closer inspection, I can see both sides.
Thanks for this, Mir!
AirTran
www.nkygal.blogspot.com
There is so much information missing that I wish we had. I would love to know how long she had been throwing a tantrum, did the fly attendants offer any distractions, etc.
I am not sure how I feel about this one. I feel badly for the parents and the other individuals on the flight. It is a hard one. I actually wrote about it on my Mom blog - Straight from the Bluegrass State the night it hit the news.
Best point yet -
"There is so much information missing that I wish we had. "
Bingo. Like most news stories, we only have 1/2 the facts and respond with twice the reaction.
Personally, I'm a marginally older first-time parent (i.e. I have plenty of friends who are on their 2nd or 3rd) of a wonderfully behaved 2 month old. Both my wife and I make an effort to remove crying babies from public situations rather than subject the baby to the uninterested crowd. We don't have toddler, and I can only imagine how hard the fits must be.
But at the same time, having seen friends with kids who have nearly no discipline and kids with amazing discipline, I've seen how you can lose control AND how to can gain control of the crying/screaming/pitching toddler.
My first reaction to this story was very simple: "I wonder how often and how well these parents discipline this child on a daily basis?"
I've seen friends and strangers alike try to "bargain" with the screaming child. I've seen them yell and scream. I've seen them do many other things that, as an outsider, were 100% clear that it was making things worse, and that no amount of time with these tactics would help.
Above all else, this story shows me something more significant - we've lost the "it takes a village" concept. Can you imagine what would happen if another passenger had stood up and offered to help, or simply tried to make goofy faces at the child?
When Strangers Step in...
I'll tell you what could have happened. My son used to have horrific, hour long screaming tantrums. Once he went off in a store and a woman did exactly that-tried to intervene by cracking jokes and making faces.
She got too close while he was flailing and WHACK!
He smacked her clear across the face.
Now, I understand that my child shouldn't be hitting anyone, but if anybody is stupid enough to put their face so close to a hysterical kid that is not their own, they do so at their own risk. (lolol)
Re: AirTran gives family a time-out
Really Mir, you said it all with the title of this post.
My hub is an airline pilot. As a rule they would prefer to never kick a passenger off of an aircraft if at all possible. However, (and it's a HUGE however), if the safety of the passenger(s) is at all compromised, they have no choice but to ask that the passenger(s) exit the aircraft.
And damn if I wouldn't exit the plane with my poor child in tow without being asked if I were in that position. I'm not entirely sure if it had to do with a power struggle, lack of discipline, low blood sugar, whatever. But from what I've read, I have to say that I'm amazed that the parents didn't get out sooner.
Andie D.
http://grumppopotamus.blogspot.com/