Elders Are Not Inflexible; They're Discriminating
by Ronni Bennett

Over the past few years I’ve written a lot about discrimination against elders. One of the persistent myths of aging I try to dispel is that old people become stuck in their ways, unwilling or unable to change.

This myth is so deeply entrenched in the culture that employers who discriminate against older workers frequently draq it out as an excuse for choosing youth over experience in hiring.

But it’s just not so. Here are a couple of examples of how such myths turn up in everyday life:

The kid at the store where I regularly purchased my coffee in New York City tried one day to get me to buy a new blend that was on sale. At one point in the discussion, he said, "oh, try something new for a change." I did not.

As much as he was knowledgeable about coffee, what the 20-something kid did not consider and can’t possibly understand yet is that in 50-odd years of drinking coffee, I've tried dozens of blends. I’ve even invented a few. And it took 20 years of a lot of bad coffee to find what I like, so I’m sticking with it.

I’m not being inflexible; I’m being discriminating. I have better things to do with the time I have left on earth than fix something that isn’t broken.

A friend who is closer to my age than the coffee store kid, tried once to convince me to stay at a party after 10:30PM, because he thought I'd be missing out on a lot of fun by leaving.

I wake early and those quiet morning hours (with my perfectly blended coffee, of course) before the world gets moving are precious to me. No phone calls, few emails, no horns blaring in the street – just the birds, the cat and me. It is one of the great, small pleasures in my life and sets the tone for my day.

Besides, I learned long ago that nothing much happens past 10:30 or 11PM at a party other than people - even those I am fond of and me too - get drunker and dumber.

As elders, we have had decades of making poor choices to arrive at what are the best and most satisfying for us. New is not always better and if it is, older folks have had more years than younger ones yet have to make that judgment.

We change when necessary and useful, witness the thousands of elderbloggers, many of whom retired from the workplace before computers entered their businesses and therefore, they had to first teach themselves computers before blogging. It is another myth that elders cannot keep up with technology, but that's a story for another day.

Our consumer economy exhorts us to buy, buy, buy. The most effective sales word marketers can put on a package is “new,” and it is the young who are most frequently sucked in by this usually more expensive and sometimes inferior version. If it’s new, they buy it. Elders know to look behind the glitz and glitter of the advertising for quality and need.

In decisions large and small, old people make fewer mistakes. We do change – after we have weighed the issue and come to a conclusion based on knowledge and experience - and it is a mild form of ageism to believe otherwise of elders.

In thinking this over now, it appears to me that it may be the younger ones who are inflexible stick-in-the-muds, willing to spend time and money chasing after the momentarily trendy. But give them time; they will learn to be discriminating too - the hard way, just as elders have.

Submitted by Ronni Bennett (view blog) on Fri, 01/26/2007 - 4:19am
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Comments

 

Yep, we do not need to re-invent wheels

I thought this post was perfect, and I'm only 45! I could email it to my know-it-all teenage daughter, but it wouldn't do much good.

Yes, I DO stick to many of the things I know, because I've had a few years of sorting out the dreck from the good stuff and my time is valuable. "New," until proven otherwise, is often just mildly interesting but not necessarily better.

Youth sure is "wasted on the young," just like it was wasted on me. :)

(And you're so right about late parties; it IS mostly just getting drunker and more stupid. I DID that already, including the garbage can punch, so let the know-it-alls have a chance at stupidity. Here's a barf bag and some Tylenol.)

Sheila
Family Travel: See The World With Your Kids

Submitted by Seafarer on Fri, 01/26/2007 - 07:31
 

Yes. And no.

Generally I would agree that human nature is to wrap itself in broad (and typically) easy generalizations. Fair enough.

Often those generalizations are based on foolishness or outdated ways of thinking. But sometimes they are based on at least some amount of history. Heck, you're making a generalization that you've found the "perfect blend" through the generalizations of your own experiences.

But to the core of your point, I agree that sometimes you just want to find your groove and stick in it. You know your needs/desires and you want to react to them. My wife laughs when we go to eat Mexican food because I always get sour cream chicken enchiladas. Not because I don't want to try anything else or because I'm a picky eater. Quite the contrary - but because I've tried lots of things and that's the dish that consistently make me happy.

On the flip side of this - as I get older there are PLENTY of times I find myself just taking the easy route. I choose that Mexican dish because I'm just too tired to bother looking or trying something I don't like.

I'm not "old" but I'm not "young" either. I see clearly in myself and in my friends a clear change that is simply undeniable.

Each one of us will have to determine whether it's inflexibility or discrimination when we decline to try new things - we're the only ones that know. For every "elder" who's found the perfect blend through lengthy trial and error, there's an "elder" who simply won't bother with trial because they use what they know. For every business based "elder" who has been down a certain business process path, there's one who is worried about losing their job this close to retirement/new child/vestment period/promotion/etc.

I assume you'd agree that not all "elders" are discriminating, right?

Submitted by sink on Fri, 01/26/2007 - 07:58
 

Yes, but what about . . .

Once again I agree with some of what you're saying, but not all of it. I recently had a friend in her mid 60's tell me "I'm old enough to know that I don't care about computers and there's nothing on the internet that I'd find interesting." Surely you wouldn't agree that she's just being discriminating? Yet in her mind she honestly feels she "knows herself" well enough to have made this decision.

I think what's important that everyone at any age has the right to decide what new things they want to experience and those they want to take a pass on without others judging their choices. (I'm trying to do that with my friend, even though I know she's completely wrong, lol.)

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

Submitted by Kalyn Denny on Fri, 01/26/2007 - 08:08
 

SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH STUDY OR SURVEY NEEDED

Clearly we need a research study or a scientific survey to determine how many elders are discriminating and how many are inflexible and about what. Come to think of it, let's examine those young folks, too.

How do we know it's a 50-50 split between those who are discriminating and those who are inflexible as one commenter assumes -- and interestingly enough, in the employment arena?

As generalizations go, I'll have to line up with the position that too many people assume elders are inflexible, as opposed to being discriminating, but expect it depends on the issue and a few other factors.

I have no difficulty believing someone who chooses to not have or use a computer is making a discriminatory choice as opposed to being inflexible. There are people who "choose" not to have cable or satellite TV, or even any TV at all. They prefer other forms of entertainment and sources for their news.

I have chosen for some time to not have a cell phone as I have little or no need for one given the settings where most of my time is spent. Last night I chose to buy one strictly for emergency use since I'm driving alone and on the freeways more recently. Seems to me if someone "chooses" not to do what so many others do or think should be done, that "someone" is in fact at high risk for being judged inflexible -- at any age, but especially if you're an elder.

http://joared-along.blogspot.com

Submitted by Joared on Sat, 01/27/2007 - 04:37
 

The existence of the predisposition regarding

being old and stuck in one's ways is definitely an ingrained myth. With that I agree...however the willingness to try new things vs the tendency to stick with the familiar is more of a personality trait that becomes more entrenched with age, in my opinion. And most likley, the latter personality type is more prevalent to begin with so that might possibly reinforce the conventional belief that older people don't try new things.

I also think that frequently life circumstances such as losing a job,death of a spouse, divorce for instance can be the catalyst for forging a new path...sometimes a path that you never would have embarked upon had the situation not demanded it.

I think the scientific study might reveal that age is related to being adverse to change but not necessarily a cause...like most either/ors the answer is generally, it depends.

My younder son was eating sushi at 6 while my older son has always ordered cheese pizza and plain hamburgers...not too much has changed over the years.

Marianne

Marianne Richmond
resonancepartnership

Submitted by Marianne Richmond on Sat, 01/27/2007 - 09:38