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Becoming a mother did not somehow make me immune from bad days. It did, however, make others feel that I should be able to shove bad feelings aside and move along because, honey, there are kids to think about. Seriously? The thing with motherhood that makes it so tough for so many is that our job is 24/7, 365 days a year without vacation time. At times without help. Forever. Sometimes, life is going to be too tough. Sometimes we are going to have a really hard time. And sometimes, we just need a friend, a shoulder, a comment here or there that helps us to realize that, yes, this too shall pass, but that right now it does indeed suck. And that is normal. (Not going through rough patches is what is not normal.)
I know of what I speak. I certainly could not have gotten through the rough times in my life without the support of my friends. The ones who listen and don't judge. The girlfriends who hug you when you need a hug and kick you in the butt when you need that, too. Yet, we still have this tendency to hold back. Maybe to protect ourselves. Maybe to protect others. Whichever the case may be, we become detached from our pain. And that doesn't help anyone. At all.
Take the amazing Erin of Queen of Spain. She recently wrote something that hit me to the core of my being. My bet is that it completely resonates with many of you as well.
I have found myself detached lately. From friends, family, my husband, my children, my life. Nothing severe…but enough to make me take notice. I will not continue life this way. I will not fear owning up to my problems. Owning up to my crazy gene. Fine. Its there. It can make me powerful and it can make me weak. It can make me successful and it has nearly destroyed everything.
Some of us are kidding ourselves. Some of us are medicating ourselves. Some of us are self treating and some of us are destroying our lives.
It takes courage and more strength than some people can imagine to step out in trust when you are in a bad place. When you have something that you are holding in or have held in for a long time or that you have something that you just simply fear sharing, it is downright terrifying to open up and "show the crazy" because what if the people who are (or in my bet "appear to be") normal run for the hills.
Karen Rani of Troll Baby took enormous steps in ridding herself of some horrific demons. All she asked was that she not be judged. The support of women (and men) were overwhelming. Because we all have something. Some just hide it better. Karen was just too tired of hiding things that hurt.
Even with Daren, I hold back a lot of what I’m feeling because that’s how I roll. I’m afraid that if I puke up all the bad, he will run for the hills, screaming and flailing his arms in desperation. Let’s face it, he’s normal. He was raised by normal parents, in a normal home, with normal normal normal being spoon-fed to him and normal normal normal seeping from every pore. We’ve been married nine years this July, and I still feel as though I’m not good enough for him in all his royal normalcy...
So without holding back, I’m going to get into what I really really think. The following may be hard for my family to take, but I have to get this out or I may explode and never recover. So if you’re someone who loves me, and/or someone in my family and you want to know what the fuck is wrong with me, lend me your ear and for God’s sake, don’t judge me on this.
Karen, we don't judge you. We support the hell out of you. Personally, I think you are amazingly brave and strong.
And some days it is just the very act of one more day doing one more thing that you just don't want to do. One more day that you just want to be alone and have your coffee without dealing with the mundane
