Interracial Relationships: What Do You Think?

I hate the fact that interracial relationships esp. b/w blacks and whites is still a topic of debate. I mean if diseases and viruses don't discriminate then why should we? We are all human for crying out loud! No one race has better to immunity to anything over any other race. We are all going to die and end up six feet under the ground (unless cremated) I have been in an "interracial" or as stated earlier "intra-racial" relationship for the past 18 months now. My boyfriend is white, and I am black. Luckily, I've been fortunate enough that his parents and siblings don't see color like everyone else. His mom loves me. My parents don't care either. Like I said earlier: if dieseases and viruses don't discriminate, then why should we.

I agree that people are very much less accepting of black/white relationships than of other pairings - especially white people. I'm white; my husband is black; we have a 10-month old daughter. While my husband's family has never offered their approval or congratulations, at least they have never openly disapproved or made negative comments towards us. My family, however, has pretty much disowned me. I can visit them, but I cannot bring my husband - so I don't visit them. When my grandmother was in the hospital the same rules applied, and I was asked not to attend her funeral. My family warned me that it would be this way if I married him, but I thought that eventually they would change their minds, that their love for me would outweigh their prejudice. Now I realize that is never going to happen. For one thing, they will never learn to accept him or respect him if they never get to know him. There is no way for me to remedy this situation, and I hate that. My family is not a white-hood-wearing skinhead redneck bunch. They are respected, middle-class, church members. I don't understand how they can claim to be Christians when they judge people on the basis of their skin color. I wish I could have both my husband and my family, that I would never have to explain this situation to my daughter, which I know one day I will. It is embarassing for me to admit to even my close friends that the reason my family has never been to my house, the reason that no one in my family has met my daughter except for my mother, is because they are racist. My husband was the first man I ever really fell in love with, and I didn't want to let him go just because of my family's disapproval. Despite our difference in race, we have much in common. We really enjoy being around each other, laughing together, and raising our daughter together. It is so depressing to me that I had to give up the people I loved the most for the first 25 years of my life in order to be with the person that I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.

It seems people are still less accepting of white/black interracial relationships. Most people will not really even consider other combinations to be all that out of the ordinary, but why this pairing?
If the person is good hearted, gets along with you, has similar goals and ambitions, or has what you are looking for in a relationship, the race and background should be a moot point.

I'd largely agree with you. Look for example at all the emigrants from all over the world that have made the USA (to cite one example) their home. To do so they have assimilated into the country's culture. Many of these have had vastly different points of view. Yet within a generation or so, in most cases, this fades into the American background. Same applies in every country/culture.

Could it be that you get such attention because you're ravishingly attractive? Hey, I'm just going by your photo - and yeah, I am European (Irish).

Not too sure I can answer your question. Its not as though we're without racism in any country over here, though because we were mostly homogenous in looks till the last few hundred years (mostly!) it was cultural differences that caused friction. Religion (Pagan, Arian, Cathar, Catholic, Islam, Protestant, Jewish, etc ...); politics (conservative, labour, socialist, facist, communist, nationalist ....) or language (Gaelic, British, English, Breton, Basque, French, German ...). Only in the last five hundred years has there being a big change in the number of Europeans who look fundamentally different from what's considerred our 'norm' (sic). And most especially since the end of WWII.

On that note, look at the huge number of white woman-black man relationships that FLOURISHED in the UK during WWII when thousands of black servicemen were stationed there (what is it them black lads have that we don't? Okay don't answer that and destroy my fragile ego). There was little problem with the locals on that score; the most opposition came from their own side, the white officers and men.

Could you define 'interest'? And what causes black lads to be muttering at ye?

This was posted three years ago but I'm just now seeing the post so hopefully things have gotten better for you. As for your family, I think it's sad that they would disown you for falling in love with a man of a different race,but it's not surprising. I 've seen many white families disown black individuals from being apart of their families because they feel as though we as black people don't measure up, or we don't make enough money, or it's just looked down upon and as crazy as this may sound it's been the reality of some of my associates. Don't get me wrong African American families aren t always welcoming to interracial relationships, but I don't think it's a race card being thrown I just believe that times have changed and many people aren't ready to accept that. So, hopefully things are going smoother for you and your family, and I pray that their actions won't cost them their grandchild's existence.

I am currently in a interracial relationship and have been for the past 4 years it has there haven't been any problems from either of our families mines due to the fact that we are on big melting pot lol His side was a lil skitish in the beginning since it has never happended in his family before the only one to ever say anything was his grand mother which honestly I didn't care what she said as long as she didn't say it in front of the kids...People don't really look or say anything when we go out..You can't help who you fall in love with the fact that I am black and he is white shouldn't bother anyone and if it does its their problem not mines

I like Chris Rock's comment during the MTV music Awards. He said something like "by now we're supposed to be like the Jetsons, but we haven't even reached the Jeffersons." I just don't understand why color has to be an issue for some individuals here in the States. United States is supposed to be a melting pot for everyone. With the exception of native American Indians, there are no indigenous cultures here in the U.S.

In the entertainment industry particularly with films, I just find it ironic that non whites are not portrayed as much as whites (big budget top grossing films) when the story involves a romantic scene. These top hollywood films almost always show a romantic scene involving a white male and white female. Why is that? Now, there are exceptions like "Waiting to Exhale" and "Soul Food" but those are just exceptions. Aren't we all foreigners in this land (except for Native American Indians of course)? I am wondering if there are some individuals who have a lot of power and are calling all the shots.

Also, I just heard recently at a highschool in Ashbourne Georgia that the organizers decided to integrate black and white proms. I guess they're moving up in the world, what a country.

It wasn't my intention to downplay what minorities go through when they're involved in interracial relationships. I know there are a lot of issues involved, and it's never easy.

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Race is such a non-issue for me in my daily life

I can only marvel at the privilege inherent in statements like this. I would hope that non-"minority" folks in interracial relationships recognize that for their partners this is likely not the case--regardless of the race of the person they are involved in.

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast ( http://blog.lib.umn.edu/perry032/impossible/ )

Thanks for weighing in.

Regina: I'm definitely not concerned about my career or business if I decide to date outside of my race. That's why I said I wouldn't have to worry about a lack of support. At this point my track record is that I haven't been dating hardly at all! :)

YTSL: I agree! That's why in the third quote I used the word "ethnicities." I was a sociology major in college, so I know all about the difference in the terms. :)

Mitali: That's interesting. It's hard to believe that people would take offense at something you didn't mean in an offensive way, but I guess it happens all too often.

Bill: Excellent points.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me ( http://www.zandria.us )
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Ultimately, the problem isn't the SO's race. It's the individual's ability to deal with peer pressure. The difference in skin color just makes it clear to people who want to complain about those types of things that you are someone that they can take their issues out on. Obviously, with so many mulatto kids having grown up to be attractive, intelligent, well-adjusted and successful in life, the biological argument is out the window. The simple fact is that if everything appears to be the way other people like it, you're less likely to get attention from people that like to involve themselves in other people's business.

If someone doesn't have the ability to choose for themselves what do do with their own lives and/or isn't willing to deal with the potential consequences of calling attention to themselves, interracial dating isn't for them. Neither is dating a guy that's shorter than you. Neither is dating a guy that makes less money than you. Neither is dating a guy with a job title lower than yours. It's all the same thing. As long as there's something that people can see and make a big deal out of, you're taking your chances with attracting that negative attention.

Meanwhile, you have people that LOOK like they're "supposed" to be dating each other, but the guy's abusive to her at home. What about that? Because people can't see it, they can't complain about it, so you get to walk around like everything's cool.

Sometimes, it doesn't even come down to your ability to deal with people getting in your business. If those nosey people have some legitimate control over you, like the ability to fire you or kick you out of your place of residence, then as strong-willed as you might be, you might have to let that relationship go. I would think it would be a rather unfortunate lifestyle to be living in the year 2007 and not be able to do what YOU want to do when YOU want to do it. You really have to think about why it is that these people think so little of you that they feel they have the right to interrupt YOUR happiness for their own selfish satisfaction.

Of course, if they have legitimate gripes about that one individual you're dating, then those are valid regardless of race, height, income or job title.

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Years ago, I wrote an article for Christianity Today magazine about interracial marriage, proposing that “where exploitation and anger have separated the races in society, an interracial family called by God is a compelling example of the gospel of reconciliation.”

I was startled by the responses, as angry members of minority races and tribes felt I was justifying white cultural imperialism and even contributing to a covert attempt by the majority race to perpetrate genocide.

Since then, I've traveled widely and have seen that intermarriage and more particularly the use of rape to produce mixed-race children is a strategy pursued by one race intent on eradicating other nations within their borders (take Burma as an example). I've also seen that while interracial marriage does dilute the cultural-racial practices of both partners for a while, it's the person belonging to the underrepresented race who has to fight harder to keep his or her ethnic contributions in the family mix. S/he will most likely lose more of her heritage, and so will their children.

But I still think my original statement stands, as there are some things worth fighting for that are more important even than preserving and celebrating one's ethnic heritage.

I'd like to submit that what you all are calling race is, in fact, ethnicity and/or culture. Also, that this is not so much mere PC word play but an assertion that "race" is a cultural construct rather than biological reality. Alternatively put: there's only one race, and it's the human race. Consequently, so-called "inter-racial relationships" are, in fact, actually intra-racial ones (too).

Webs of Significance ( http://webs-of-significance.blogspot.com )

Since your family seems to have adjusted to this way of life-- is it that you are concerned about your career or business if you decide to date outside of your own race?

Regina...
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Q's Wire... ( http://qisoftware.com/qblog/ )

I pretty much exclusively date inter-racially, and I've not had many probs, surprisingly enough. Well, okay, I've had some strange stares and such, but nothing overt. The closest I've come is Black men muttering at me under their breath.

I garner a lot of interest from European men (eastern and western). This makes me wonder: culturally, what is different over there than over here? You'd think that Americans would be more open to multicultural love, but they're not. How odd, huh?

I dated a couple of Asian guys and a couple of black guys in high school. I never really paid attention to anyone that looked at us funny. I didn't really care.

I've taught my children that no matter what anyone else says, people are people. Period. Skin color. cultural background, none of that matters as much as treating a fellow human being with respect and dignity.

I have never looked at a couple walking down the street and thought, "I wonder what a *insert interracial mix here* are doing together" I have often seen a couple and thought,"I wonder how a girl like that (polo shirt, khaki pants, designer bag) met a guy like him ( peircings, skater shoes, purple hair)" Or vice versa....

People focus to much on the outside of people and not enough on the inside. It makes me sad everytime. If two people meet and fall in love, especially two pepole from diverse cultural backgrounds, we should celebrate that as the best of human nature coming through.

I was the recipient of some less than encouraging stares and comments when out with a black man I dated awhile back.
Someone even asked my boyfriend what he didn't understand about the OJ/Nicole Simpson tragedy and questioned him for inviting such unhappiness upon himself by dating a white woman. Skin color aside, there are so many other reasons a relationship succeeds or fails. It seems a shame that some feel that race is the only thing that matters.