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Nordette is a freelance journalist, published fiction writer, poet, and the mother of two children. She is also a BlogHer.com Contributing Editor an...
 
 
 
 

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Basinger vs. Baldwin Part Two: No matter how you spin it, divorce and custody battles tend to get nasty

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For the first part of this blog post, which covers the insulting phone call, click this link.

Best interest of the child?

You know, "best interest of the child" sounds good, but do people going through custody battles always practice it? A better question about this would be was Alec Baldwin practicing best interest of the child when he started his rant against his daughter and her mother? Furthermore, now that the rant's public, how will publicity make Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger's daughter, Ireland, feel? Can the people in her life keep her from all contact with outside media?

I consider Baldwin's words on the tape. He said he didn't give a damn about his daughter's age, and based on what he told her on the phone, I think he doesn't give a damn about her feelings either. It seems his primary piss-off point is that he's been humiliated by the daughter not being at the phone to talk to him for prearranged times, and according to what he said her avoidance is habitual. He is his main concern based on his own words on the tape; he's interested in teaching his daughter a lesson as it relates to how he feels and he should be treated.

If you hear the tape, you'll wonder why there's a custody battle at all. Why does he want custody if he feels about his daughter the way he says he feels on the the voicemail? I ask this but I know that divorce makes people crazy.

Then there's spin patrol as presented by a Baldwin representative:

Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing ... keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order. (Source)

I suppose Baldwin's people believe that the average person will think his ex-wife, if she did indeed leak the tape, should have more control than he had when he verbally abused his daughter and left the message on tape. Wait! Should we only practice self-control when we're under a court order? Is a court order stronger than conscience?

When I went through my divorce a friend, a male who is an assistant prosecutor in New Jersey who had nothing to do with my case, told me to stop trying to find logic in what my ex did. The friend had also been through divorce, and he said that for the more angry spouse it's not about what makes sense; it's about making the other spouse suffer even if such actions also hurt the children. Sometimes the spouse with the most anger starts to see the children as objects, not people but pawns in a power struggle.

Ain't it awful?

I wanted to tell you how awful Alec Baldwin is to say such things to his daughter, and then ask what's up with fathers blaming their bad behavior toward their children on the mothers of those children? But I couldn't venture into that territory without either doing research about fathers who do this or sharing more details of my own experience with divorce. I also couldn't talk about "fathers who do this" because I know mothers have been guilty of horrible behavior during custody battles and divorces as well.

What I can tell you is that when it gets to the kinds of stunts going on between Baldwin and Basinger, the battle really is not about the child. It's about former lovers hurting each other. It's about power and control. Based on that voicemail message, I say with no reservations that Alec Baldwin was not thinking rationally when he left that message and he was funneling anger to a child that he feels for his ex-wife.

I don't know what Baldwin's specific issues are with Basinger or what her issues are with him, and I don't want to know, but Baldwin's been busy explaining
himself
. I feel sorry for him in the sense that people confuse actors' roles with the actors themselves. Baldwin has often played the pompous ass or the bad guy; so, I'm sure some people will automatically believe he's 100 percent bad guy in this case.

"Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child."

"I'm sorry,

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Steinlager_Kelly 5 pts

This is pretty clever. I can think of a few people I'd set this up forThe Voicemail Solution for Alec Baldwin's Daughter ( http://blogs.business2.com/thirdscreen/2007/04/the... )

Catherine Morgan 5 pts

I just heard this, and thought you might want to check it out. Should be interesting.

Catherine Morgan
Women 4 Hope ( http://women4hope.wordpress.com/ ) and Be The Change You Want To See In Yourself ( http://catherinemarie.wordpress.com/ )

Sara F 5 pts

Nordette
I love your discussion of the Baldwin rant, which came up on BlogHer's recent activity. I see you post a lot of thoughtful posts so I'll be visiting more often!

Sara
yearofconsolation.blogspot.com

HealthyDad 5 pts

What you are seeing in the press about Alec Baldwin now wanting to "devote myself to the cause of parental alienation" is, in reality, a statement of intention to re-double his efforts to pursue blaming his co-parenting failures on his ex-wife, Kim Basinger.

His recent rant, captured on that voice mail, is an unambigous look at the proverbial tip of the iceberg when it comes to how he conducted himself in their co-parenting relationship, both before and after divorce.

Would you want your child to be subjected to that kind of threatening behavior? Would you believe it the child's "best interest" to allow the child to be treated in that manner (let alone have him bad mouth continue to attempt to alientae the child by bad mouthing the mother)?

Despite the obvious alienating impact it would have on his children, were they to read about it or see it on TV, Mr. Baldwin has had no qualms about bad mouthing the mother of his children in the press for years. He has also allegedly was involved in domestic violence incidents against her as well.

For misogynists like Mr. Baldwin, it is never about their behavior: it is always their ex which forces them to behave that way.

My wife had the same kind of thing happen to her with her ex husband and his psychotic wife. They browbeat the child about her weight, her diet, her manner of dress, all with references to her mother as the reason for it.

He tried to control how the mother referred to the child, told the child all sorts of details about the divorce and child support issues to try and paint the mother in a bad light. The step mother even went so far as to tell the child that her mother was to blame for her own problems interacting with the child - crying in front of her and telling her all kinds of nonsense.

My wife finally had to file an EEO against the ex as he continued to conduct his coparenting communications on the clock, using company email (making derogatory references to her in them) and even using company postage to cover postage for his child support payments.

He then lied under oath, denying he had a temporary restraining order filed against him by his first wife. The company didn't have any credibility with the judge, and couldn't pursue a summary judgement (which it routinely does in these cases) and had to pay our a sizable settlement to make it all go away. And he has been shut up...

And this guy was a company PR guy - albeit a minor player - for the company...again, someone like Mr. Baldwin more consumed with managing his image than his true behavior or healthy co-parenting.