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On my drive to work this morning, I caught the tail end of a local radio conversation about feminism and marriage.
I don't know how this conversation began, but I listened intently as the male deejay argued with a female caller about the expectations of men and women in marriage.
It seems the female caller was ranting about men's demands of their wives. She fumed about how men expect their wives to be patient, kind, understanding, offer blow-jobs willingly and still be modest and good mothers.
She went on to say that this is a new millennium and women should not be pressed to work outside the home if they have children, and that men are responsible for providing the women with a beautiful home, a brand new mini-van and an allowance for nice clothes. The children should have a well-rounded upbringing, great education and all their needs should be met, she said.
I actually pinched myself to make sure I was really driving in my car and hearing these words.
The male radio personality asked this female caller several questions.
"Isn't the feminist movement about making your own choices? Women have fought for equality in the workplace for years and now you're saying that once you have children you should no longer have to work? Isn't this a bit hypocritical? You fight and fight for what you think you want and now you've got it and don't want it any more?"
"What about helping support your husband and family financially? Is that null and void because you're a woman and men should pay for the mistakes of the 50s and 60s?"
"Because I'm a man, I'm expected to buy my wife a big house, a new car, let her stay at home and I can't have any expectations for her? If I tell her she can stay home, should she not at least clean the house and do laundry and cook meals for me and our children? I go to work and she does what?"
"And if my wife doesn't agree with these tasks, and she doesn't like it, she can divorce me and she keeps the house, the cars and the kids and her new boyfriend can move in and I'm the guy paying for it all? Is that fair?"
"When did our society become so anti-men? Men want to stay home with their children, too. We'd like custody of our kids after divorces. We want these feminists to pay us alimony and child support."
The woman was bent out of shape. She went on to quote feminists Gloria Steinem and Naomi Wolf.
I found myself thinking that perhaps this man was on the right track. Just a little. Before you get crazy on me, hear me out.
In the 1950's it was rare for a woman to work. It was rare for a household to have two cars. Women were homemakers and mothers and men were the bread winners.
Images of Leave It to Beaver come to mind. While this show is somewhat too perfect to be real, it's the reference I think about when discussing the "olden days".
The 1960's brought forth the Sexual Revolution and the Women's Liberation Movement. Women fought for equal rights in government, in the workplace, in choosing when and with whom to have children, and deciding whether or not to get married or to be single.
I often think of the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Mary was a single woman and she didn't seem to mind. She loved the freedom to do what she pleased and date the men of her liking.
Over the course of forty years, women's lives have changed. We know what we want and how to get it.
We stand in no man's shadow. We hold no man in power over us. If we want to have a career we can. If we want to stay home with our children we can. If we want to practice a religion we do. If we choose to be atheist it's okay.
We hold the power over our lives. We are in control of our futures.
We detest when someone comes along and tells us we can't do this, we can't do that, we should do this, we shouldn't do that. We don't like to lose our control.
We fight for our rights. We stand up for what we believe in, because the many women before us did so, and
