I don't date. Meaning I will be happy to go out to dinner, take a stroll or have a real long conversation but dating implies pantyhose and dresses that I'm three sizes too large to wear anyhow.

By not dating but still going out I don't have to fret about not having a date or is the date going well.

I can dress for the occasion and not the date and it reduces the pressure to perform to expectations I didn't sign on for. If I'm stood up then not a problem I go my merry way and ditch the phone number in peace.

I'm not kidding about this. I inform guys I would like to go out with "Yes, I'd like to but can we not call it a "date"?
I also prefer to divvy the costs 50/50 or if he asked first at least contribute to the tip.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

The best answer I ever heard regarding this is one Eve Ensler said when asked by a local reporter about dating.
"I don't date," Ensler said. "I have experiences."

How cool is that? Experiences mean you are present in the moment with no expectation of anything that may or may not happen in the future. That way, if you and the other person connect on a level, you may go off to another experience and choose to deepen that experience. Or not.

It soooo takes the pressure off ...

As I got older, and found myself single and in my 40's, my ideas about dating became much more nuanced than when I was younger. The the idea of "going dutch" on a date became a giant no-no. Going dutch, to me, is not a date. That's buddies. Meeting for lunch really isn't at date either. That's a get-acquainted session and is kind of like going out with a friend (but, then again, a good male friend will sometimes pick up the tab too.)

A date is when the guy decides to come and pick you up and then pays. When a guy asks you out and wants to pick you up, he could be looking just for sex, or he could be looking for more. But in either case, he's there to impress me and the ways he impresses me is his ability to show up on time and to pay for things. Even if I have my own money, the date is really his way of proving to me that he's worth my time.

The date is about him impressing me--showing me what kind of man he is. If he can't impress me sufficiently, then there probably won't be a second date. I used to be really lax about this when I was younger. I shouldn't have been. might have saved me my last divorce...

My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. We see each other a lot, but don't live together (that would be too big a step right now.) Yet we still have "dates" which usually consist of going to the movies or hikes. "Dates" are times when we go out somewhere--not just to grab a bite to eat, which is always easier when you don't live together. "Dates" for us have the expectation that we're going to be dressed a little better than usual (except when hiking.) They are still about having fun together. He can still impress me with his hiking ability (amazing at 56) and I can still impress him with my sense of style (not evident every day since I work from home.)

Dates aren't so bad--and they should be different from "duch treat" experiences or lunchtime/coffee meetings. Meetings shouldn't have expectations. If I'm stood up at a meeting, I just think the guy's an ass and get my own coffee. And anyone who hits on me at a "meeting" is expecting way too much!

Tish Grier
blogger/consultant/writer
currently with Assignment Zero--blogging at
the Constant Observer and Love and Ho

IMO, dating is an attempt to accomplish something, whether that's short-term or long-term. It's not a "date" if you get together and hang out. Dating is about progression... somebody that wants something or is trying to impress the other person, as Tish mentioned.

It's "funny" how it's generally expected that the guy's going to pay for a date and his reward (sooner or later) is going to be sex from the girl. Implications of prostitution ensue.....

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Bill Cammack
Video Editor
BillCammack.com

You can have a date without the intentions of heading down lovers lane and next thing you're picking out wedding invitations. It's 2007 folks. Call me old fasioned, but men enjoy spending their money on a woman they ask to spend time with. It makes going to the 9-5 worthwhile. Nothing saying you cant surprise him with Starbucks..get in line ahead and tell the clerk this is on me..Or show up with a lb of his favorite coffee or something like that..There are ways of showing appreciation for a man's generosity besides coffee back at your place. Of course if you want that extra cup of coffee then go for it. But call me old fashioned, I think in some ways the men appreciate being men and this is a form of tradition in dating and old school women know what Im saying here is true.