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This post is not directed towards people in the current throes of passionate sex. For that you should, of course, be naked. And for people who are persistently in anticipation of passionate sex, then sleeping naked is not only a trigger for such activity, but an efficient and well thought out point of preparation.
This open letter in particular is for people who actually just *sleep* with another person and do so in the nude.
In case dear naked sleeper, you've ever wondered why your partner sleeps with (at minimum) panties on and perhaps PJs, I am happy to articulate why, despite our grand affection for you, we look at you with puzzlement and confusion. Please don't judge us a prude or uptight. Based on the fact that you're already sleeping with us, we should be well beyond that discussion. The truth of the matter is this.
You FART in your sleep.
A lot.
And the fact that you sleep in the nude tends to put us panty wearing sleepers at a level of discomfort.
Because somewhere in our head we're thinking that there are microscopic particles of fecal matter that have now expelled themselves directly from your butt to the sheets.
The sheets that we are naked in together on a frequent basis.
And those microscopic particles of fecal matter in even your *silent* and *odorless* farts have now transmitted themselves to a medium where they will next come in contact with the PJ wearer's skin.
Skin which is scrupulously cared for.
Exfoliated.
Shaved.
Waxed.
Soaped with imported botanical extracts that are responsible for decimating a good square kilometer of rainforest.
Lotioned.
Oiled.
Massaged.
Powdered.
And cared for scrupulously on regular basis.
And there you go just FARTING on it and attacking that beautiful skin with your infinitesimally small and microscopic particles of fecal matter.
HAVE. YOU. NO. SHAME.
Clearly not, because there you go. Sleeping naked. Next to your PJ wearing partner every day. Oblivious to your skin sacrilege.
The PJ and Panty wearers at least offer a minimal *barrier* to these attacks on *you* by wearing our knickers. Why must *you* be so inconsiderate and disgusting.
At the least, you should change the bedding more often.
Jerk.
