Avoid Bad e-Networking: The Unofficial Laws of Linked-In

Bending over backwards to help people really is an admirable thing to do, you should consider this method in all you do.

I have to say that you can not be paranoid that every contact is going to go to the extreme that you mention. It sounds a bit suspicious, and could drive away potential clients, friendship and business to be honest Jory,

Just my honest view

I have to disagree, you could be saying no to someone who really wants help to blog, and not selling you anything other then a friendship. Living your life in fear of the possibility of an outbreak that you speak of is not really a healthy venue.

My advice is different, Jump in and help when you can, and carry as many loads as you can.

Yes the whole thing needs a re think and people obviously NEED VERY clear boundaries set for them to understand networking and appropriate boundaries of the other
tragic really
Vita

Glad to see someone take the time to point this stuff out. The LIONs honestly scare me. When I get a request to connect that is obviously shallow/spammy, I "apologize" and tell them "I promised my network that I will only connect with people I have worked with and know."

I think LinkedIn's 'whisper-down-the-lane' can be used well if the recipient's needs are put first, NOT the sender's. Like all networking, it has to be non-selfish. When you really want to reach out, ask for very small things like mini-informational interviews, requests for expertise, etc. Things that will make the recipient feel good about responding (and ditto for the conveyers in between).

When you have to say "no" as a conveyer, often you can say "I don't think X is responding to stuff like that right now, maybe if you ..." and offer whatever other approach (including not making the request at all) you can think of.

But the most important thing for me is that LinkedIn is just a "placeholder" tool to keep the lines of communication open. It is up to you to keep the relationship going, and you do that by showing a genuine interest in people and doing whatever small favors come naturally along the way (a link to an article in their field, etc.).

Thanks for the post, and I look forward to reading more of your blog.

Cheers,
Laura

Pistachio Consulting "When You've Got Something to Say"
http://GPMB.wordpress.com

Excellent tips, Jory. :D

--
Bill Cammack
Video Editor ( http://alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack/ )
BillCammack.com ( http://billcammack.com/category/blogherbiz/ )

But yes, manners also play a role. Like with any networking situation we have to remember others are doing favors for us. Sometimes we forget that in online situations. We may not send thank you notes anymore, but dammit, I still like em!

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

Very nice clarifications, Kay!

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

You touched on the underlying topic here: socialization and not having access to this type of socialization before abusing technology meant to enhance it. The goal is to get people up to speed on the socialization aspect before arming with the technology to spam millions!

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

Jory, I love this. Very important and valuable information.

I think another important one when it comes to networking (maybe this would be under "know your place") is to know when you have worn out your networking welcome. Sometimes people are more than willing to help, network you and support those connections, but it is important to be aware of when that person/connection is over you--so to speak.

Basically, be careful to take care of your relationships use them sparingly if necessary. And for goodness sake, have more than one go to person because you never know when you will be un-LinkedIn by them (whether you know it or not!) ;-)

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com )
BlogHerContributing Editor, Mommy and Family ( http://209.59.186.51/~blogher/?q=blog/jenn-satterw... )

Hi Jory,

This was a great post on an important topic.

To give the woman who wrote to you the benefit of the doubt, as a newbie blogger I know that approaching the blogosphere can be overwhelming and if you feel like you have a human connection to help you, that can alleviate the intimidation factor greatly.

I also feel that when you first make contact with Blogher, it's not totally obvious until you dig deeply into the site that the posts on the home page are not by just your average blogger, but by professionals who write continuous posts for the site.

This woman's mistake was in not minding her manners like her mother taught her, thanking you for your help and then going off to research the many resources out there for new bloggers.

Having said that, I totally agreed when you wrote:

"I was just espousing to a group of small business folks how your Virtual Reputation means more now than it ever did. If you don't know you have one, you are in denial, and if you are not taking care of it, you'll be in trouble."

I've always felt throughout my employment life that reputation is everything. You don't necessarily have to be the best at absolutely everything, but if you are perceived as committed and reliable, that will take you far.

That principle has to extend to your online life as well. I work in the media and am often asked to provide connections for people who want to break into the business. I never, ever do it unless I truly believe that the person will fill a need that someone is looking for and that my recommendation of that person will in no way call my judgement or my networking ethics into question.

And I learned long ago the value of that little two letter word, "No."

M.Smith
Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com )

Jory, I love this post as it's not just good for e-networking but for any sort of professional networking. I have numbers to some very important people that people always want to meet and have 'just five minutes' with, but I say no more than yes. My e-networking is obviously not where yours is, but I have had some success in asking people who know people that I want to get to know for contact info, and they have often obliged. Either way, it's all about being careful as to who you let in and give that access to. Of course following that rule in any industry is key to sustaining long lasting professional relationships.

Heather B.
Personal Blog: No Pasa Nada ( http://nopasanada.org )
BlogHer CE: Business, Career & Personal Finance ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/business-career-perso... )

Hi Jory,

Thank you for a very thoughtful post. I've been at LinkedIn for about 6 months now and one of the areas that I'm focusing on is educating our users on how to network effectively. It's something that we definitely need to do better, because when someone has a bad experience via LinkedIn, they tend to associate it with our service rather than the social ineptitude of the offending person. Before I joined LinkedIn, I was pretty liberal with my own linking and cringe to think of the many faux pas that I've been guilty of myself. Your "unofficial" guidelines are great, here are some of my observations after being "officially" LinkedIn:

1. An invitation means that "I will potentially help you with my network." It's an offer of value. My criteria: coworkers (since I want all my coworkers to be as successful as possible), friends (ditto), people that I have reciprocal business relationships with (ie business partners), people who help me do my job (in my case, the media), people I've worked with and trust, and anyone else who I respect and/or want to help out.

2. Connecting means you're agreeing to collaborate. It's a gesture of trust, it means that you can now ask me to introduce you to someone I know. This doesn't mean I will, but it means I will seriously consider it. My criteria for making introductions: "Is this a credible opportunity for both people? Will they thank me even if the specific business connection doesn't happen."

3. Give before you ask and build your network before you need it. The worst time to network is when you need something. If you find ways to help other people achieve their goals the laws of reciprocity will generally work in your favor. (Karma's an awesome power).

People who have zillions of connections and pass along requests indiscriminately don't understand how to use LinkedIn as a trusted tool. LinkedIn's designed to help you build upon existing relationships and leverage the trust that you have with these people to reach others.

That's my take from the inside. Keep blogging, this is great stuff!

-Kay

Kay Luo ( http://www.linkedin.com/in/kayluo )
LinkedIn

So funny that you just posted this because just this week my boss sent me a Linked In Let's Connect. I'm an executive assistant, and I was unsure if it was appropriate even in the entertainment industry. Still, he asked me - I wouldn't have done it the other way around.

At the same time, it's not like I talk about my blogging at work - but I do list it on my linked in. So I gave the connection some thought. It was an interesting situation to me.

I also got a request to make a connection recently that I had to pass on. I definitely try to be careful with that sort of stuff and look at my connections on Linked In much differently than my connections on MySpace!!!

Linked In was useful when I was unemployed. It has the unbeatable benefit of helping you stay in touch with former coworkers.

So glad to read a post about this stuff!

Liz Rizzo ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ) and On The Lot ( http://community.thelot.com/blogs/lizriz ).

These tips are wonderful. Thanks for writing this, Jory. Like you, I am on Linkedin. I've looked at the contacts of some of my contacts and thought, hmmm... is this really useful to me? The information in a Linkedin profile isn't sufficient for me to make contact with a total stranger. I would really need to talk to someone who knows that person to find out whether reaching out to that individual is appropriate and useful.

So far, it's been most helpful when I want to see what someone I've known in the past is up to now. I'll be thinking about something that I'd like to get more information about, and I'll remember so-and-so with whom I used to work who did that kind of thing. Linkedin has been a handy way of finding out whether that person is likely to be current on the issue I have a question about.

One of the reasons I find your post so valuable though, is that its rules apply not only to e-networking, but to networking in general. Networking is a skill that one usually develops through socialization. If you don't come from a social background in which these skills would naturally be taught, it's all too easy to make innocent mistakes that can be fatal to your career. I think one of the most important things that we can do to help people from non-traditional backgrounds succeed in the business world is to make some of these unwritten rules explicit. This you have done in a way that is clear, accessible and non-judgmental. Thanks again.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/kim-pearson )|Professor Kim ( http://professorkim.blogspot.com )|Contributing Writer ( http://www.ojr.org/ojr/people/KimPearson ), Online Journalism Review

Lia,

Now there's a softer rule that I like. Asking for advice is often the best way to get what you want!

--JD

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

M--love the pic, by the way!

I totally agree here. Sometimes, if I sense that too much is riding on this intro, and that it might not yield what the requester wants, I back off. Why get invested in someone else's drama? I've learned that it's not up to me to bend over backwards--maybe the first time, my choice, but not to ensure that all turns out well.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

Having lived and worked in various countries and through various career changes, my network of people is a very hodgepodge organism. Therefore, I would think it presumptuous of friends, family, or business contacts to think that they have free access to my network. Not all nodes connect together. Not all lines remain intact or are of uniform thickness.

It’s important for others to realise that our networks are very personal and, as such, they experience continual organic growth and depletion. We all (non-, ex-, anti-Connection Junkies)have to respect boundaries of person, place, and time concerning other people’s networks.

Hypothetically, if I knew you, and I wished to connect to someone you knew, I would ask you for information about how you best thought I could make that connection. Asking for advice or information from someone you know is reasonable, don’t you think? It opens up the possibility of that person expressing an honest reaction: enthusiasm, worry, encouragement, or, constructive critique. In the best case scenario, if you truly think the connection would be advantageous on both sides, you can volunteer as an initiator towards that contact. In a worse case scenario, you can just say you do not think the idea is a good one. Surely, you have the right to decide one way or another.

lia from luebeck, germany

Author of the media safe 101 ( http://rtb03mediasafe.blogspot.com/ ) page on the Red Tent Blog ( http://virtualredtent.blogspot.com ) and the personal yum yum cafe ( http://yumyumcafe.blogspot.com/ )

Great post as always, Jory.

To your rule #3 - I used to be a talent scout in the music business and part of my job was to listen to any and all unsolicited material. In fact, one of my best finds came when a co-worker asked me to go see some friends of hers. I would listen to anything a friend asked me to even if they couldn't vouch for the quality. The problem came when friends or the musician they connected me to wouldn't accept my professional judgement. If you make a connection then I think you have to respect the person you've asked to connect with. No means no - not an invitation for continued persistence to just see the error of their ways should they choose not to invest in the project, grant an interview, offer a job or pursue a contract.

If anyone asks you for a contact and you can't be sure that the person asking will treat the contact with professional courtesy or if you can't trust yourself not to exercise detachment because you care too much about the person you're connecting then respectfully decline to make the connection.