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In my first post about long distance relationships (LDRs), I looked at people who had been through—or are currently going through—this type of situation. Now my blog-friend Alynda is preparing to say goodbye to her boyfriend for 5-6 months before she joins him in England next year. She considers herself a strong, non-clingy type of girl, but she can’t help worrying about what to expect. This made me wonder what people who have been through an LDR have to say about coping strategies.
Here’s what Alynda had to say recently:
Yes, I'm apprehensive about it all but when it comes down to it? I'm supportive. I know the reasons behind his leaving so early. I know it's for 'us' in the long run and that I'll join him eventually and that everything happens for a reason.
It's going to be horrible without him here for five-six months. I can't even begin to imagine how weird it will be not being able to see him whenever I feel like it, I can't even comprehend the thought of us being a 'long distance relationship' yet. But as scary as it all is right now and will be in the future, deep down I know that it will all be okay. I understand how things are happening, and I'm comfortable with them.
I'm happy taking a risk, and ultimately doing all of this together.
I imagine Alynda’s feelings are pretty close to those of Vivacemusica:
When I told a friend last week that I might not see my boyfriend for another two months, she said that I had a lot of willpower. That’s not it at all. It’s not willpower when it’s an internal knowledge that I’m better for having him in my life, for those moments when I feel completely safe and content in his arms.
Simoun offers this advice:
First and foremost, establish ground rules. when are you talking? what can you do/ cannot do? Can you see other people?
Maturity is also important. How well can you handle it? How well do you trust yourself and the other person? Do not fight over small problems. Because you can't talk as often you as you two want, problems tend to be magnified. Screw the small problems and save the fighting for the really important issues.
This is from Macabreday. (I’m using an abbreviated version; read the entire post for the full text.)
Trust is the Key
You need to trust them blindly and this can be a very hard thing to come by, especially if you have had your trust broken in the past. Know for a fact that your partner would not let you down and be assured that your partner believes the same of you.No Conditions
Never use statements like, "I will trust you if you call me everyday." Or, "I will trust you if you mail me everyday." Remember that your partner is not your hostage.Be Honest, and Do Not
Being far away from our partner does not ever grant us the right to do what we want. This is what I do: when ever I am in doubt, I ask myself how I would feel if my partner did what I was going to do. Would I approve her doing it? No. Would I feel hurt if she did it? Yes. Then I have no right to go ahead with what ever I was going to do.No answer? Don't Panic
Ever tried calling your partner and all the phone did was ring on and on? Your partner could be at work. The phone would have run out of battery or it may have been on silent mode. Maybe they did not hear it, and hey, maybe they did not want to talk to you that day. Is there a rule that I missed that states that your partner should be willing to speak to you when ever you want to?Ever Felt Misunderstood?
Its very easy to misunderstand your partners tone over the phone. You can always tune words into what you want to hear and in that process the real meaning gets lost. Honestly, there is nothing much we can do about this.Always Clarify
Do not jump into a conclusion by listening to the words of a third person. Always clarify it with your partner and be careful to not use an accusing tone. You are not accusing them, but only clarifying what you heard and setting it straight.Frustrated? Suck it up.
Physical closeness is such an important part of any relationship and when that is
