Life After Death
By Denise on February 09, 2006
BlogHer Original Post
Life After Death isn't a blog about the supernatural or ghosts or anything cool and interesting like that. It is about stuff that's even more cool and more interesting. Life After Death is about rebuilding a life after losing someone you love.
Imagine... no, don't. I've tried imagining and it's hard and it hurts. So don't do it. Instead, let Swamp Hag's writing paint the picture for you.
And here's where I wish I WAS psychic, wish that there is a life beyond this world after we die, wish I could at least dream of him and find some consolation. Other people do. But me? Nope. Nada. Zip. After many years of constant and vivid dreams and nightmares (typical when one has fibromyalgia) I can't conjure up a dream to save my life.
I didn't want to go on without him. I didn't understand why I should.
But here I am, still here after the nightmarish holidays, still putting one foot in front of the other. And sometimes reluctantly, sometimes eagerly, discovering that there really IS a life after death. That I can still laugh. That I can still feel. That I can still create things to look forward to.
She is discovering new things about herself and about her life. She's making plans...
Last fall I decided that 2006 would be all about changing my environment and stepping outside the box. For years my financial and creative focus has been on financial survival, raising my sons, then on my relationship with my dearest friend, seeing him, etc. This year it's all about revamping, reenergizing my life, getting myself ready for the next phase of my life, whatever that will be.
She's thinking about new relationships and creating new relationships...
So here I am in a friendly relationship with a nice man - a relationship that has boosted my confidence like nothing else could have - but still dateless. I plan on continuing pushing myself out of my comfort zones and pursuing interests/hobbies so who knows who I may meet? There may be hope for me yet. ;-)
It's not always easy, sometimes things as silly as a televsion show remind her just how hard it is...
While I do know others who watch the show [Survivor] and I do talk with them briefly about each week's show, it's not the same now that my love has died. We had such (FUN!) debates about the various personalities. We were constantly laughing about it because we definitely didn't see eye to eye on everything but he always gave me a perspective I hadn't previously considered and I did the same for him so we ended up learning about each other.
Strange the dumb things you miss and how even the dumb things leave a hole.
I thought of the stupidest things when he died, including regret that he'd miss a certain episode of Lost, would miss the family AR - not that he missed much there - ..... see? really stupid. If he IS somewhere out there still somehow I doubt that missing a t.v. show is on the top of his "what I miss" list.
Then again..... maybe he gets them whenever he wants them. No reruns. No preemptions. No commercials.
There is life after death, Swamp Hag knows this and is determined to live.