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I spent the last nine days “with†my husband in Italy. He was there was for business and I was lucky enough to tag along. While he spent his days at conferences or meetings, I wandered around Florence, Milan, and Rome, armed only with a map and a little book of Italian phrases that never seemed to have any of the words that I needed. (Like, “Watch where you are going, you asshole on a scooter who nearly ran me over when you blew through the red light!â€) It was a little bit lonely exploring a city with no one to talk to, but incredibly liberating in many ways. I could see and do what I wanted, at whatever pace I wanted, when I wanted to. I’ve never traveled like that before.
In Rome, I signed up for a walking tour of the former Jewish ghetto. Another American couple joined me, and we chatted for a while. They were about my parents’ age, and very concerned about me, especially the husband.
“You can’t walk around at night alone!†he insisted when I mentioned that my husband had a dinner meeting. “You are a woman, and this is a big city. It’s not safe. All big cities are dangerous at night.â€
“Oh, I’ll be fine,†I said, trying to reassure him, but at the same time annoyed by his attitude. I live in New York and wander around by myself at all hours. I’ve even been on the subway alone after midnight. What does he think we ladies should do, lock ourselves up and hide from the world every time the sun sets?
He shook his head. “It’s not safe for women.â€
Ironically, on the flight to Italy, I read an article in Bitch magazine about how rumors and misused statistics on crime create paranoid and irrational fears in women that prevent us from fully participating in the world at large. It turns out that most women are in fact attacked at home.
If I took this well-meaning man’s advice, I’d be sitting alone in my hotel room every evening, waiting for my husband to escort me to dinner. Or, worse, I might not have come to Italy at all, knowing that I’d be spending most of my time there alone. Living life involves taking some risks. It also means understanding what real risks are and making sensible decisions.
I can’t wait until I go away with my husband again. I hope that he will not be working and we can spend time walking around, eating, and sharing a city together. But if he’s working, I’ll savor the time I have to go out and do things on my own. I won’t hide in fear.
Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants and is currently on a road trip with a (female) friend
