Protect me from the grown-ups

I recently took a flight from NYC to Phoenix. The entire length of the trip, a child behind me kicked, pushed, and slammed up against my seat. The non-stop howling and crying was wearying.

I was quiet for the first hour. I understand that kids are kids and they get frustrated being held down, penned up, etc. I do, too.

However, after a few hours (and trying to sleep), I finally, quite politely (according to my seat mate - a man I didn't know), asked the father to please have his child stop kicking and pushing my seat. His response? "he's not!"

Ok. The seat moves on it's own and I can feel little feet in my kidneys.

I was considerate. I didn't tilt my seat back the entire trip. I didn't say anything about the crying (because I know that is the only way kids at that age can communicate). However, when a parent lies about how his child is behaving, I find that unacceptable.

dawn m. armfield
inchoate ( http://www.girl-inchoate.com )

Airlines actually do ask, at least when booking online, if you are traveling with kids, so they know ahead of time who is a child and who is not. I always thought it would be a great idea if they could seat families with children together. Maybe that is too complex, but the flight I described in an earlier post was bearable because we were sitting behind another family.

Good to know about the pacing up & down aisles. I always see one or two folks who get a bit cranky when the child brushes their arms. I always wonder. And, yes, I think anything is better than screaming! yikes. lol.
Days-to-come is also correct in saying we don't know the full story yet. Good to remember.

I just saw your post too. I agree; it drives me mad when parents don't even try. We are always very conscious of not disturbing other people when we fly, or travel at all. It takes work; there is other way to do it. After reading about the "bye-bye plane" incident I had to vent a bit, and I liked this post a lot.

You poor thing, traveling with a baby with an ear infection! I am glad everyone was so nice. If you can travel with four kids, you can anything!

I didn't see this comment before. Speaking for myself, I really understand that kids can't be perfect all the time. What drives me batty is when the parents don't even try to do something about it. It sounds like you are doing your best not to disturb those around you, and while there will always be people who act like jerks, I think in general people are more agreeable when they see that.

I have four kids myself. We once flew all night long with a baby who had an ear infection. (We didn't know before we got on the airplane--her screaming for eight hours was our first tip-off.) I wrestled and rocked and tried my best to sooth her, but she cried for almost the entire flight. At the end when we were getting off I said, "I feel like I owe everyone around me a big apology." Everyone was so nice. So many of them said, "It's okay! I felt sorry for you! It was obvious you were doing your best!" and "I've been there!"

Jeana
Link Text ( http://laughter4daystocome.blogspot.com/ )www.daystocome.net

Boy, do I feel you. And based on what we've been told, I think I think the "Buh-bye plane" thing is ridiculous--but I'm not positive we've been told the entire story. Was the kid screaming it at the top of his lungs? Were the passengers unable to hear the safety announcements because of the disruption? Was the parent making any attempt to quiet the child? The Benedryl comment was inexcusable, but I've encountered enough parents who are unwilling to tell their little darlin' "No" and fully expect the rest of us to go out of our way to help them with that goal, that when I read that story my first reaction was to wonder if the full story was bring reported.

Jeana
Link Text ( http://laughter4daystocome.blogspot.com/ )www.daystocome.net

Random:

It would be a fine thing if airlines offered enough space so that those little ones could play on the floor at mom or dad's feet.

I absolutely don't mind a little person pacing the aisles, I do it myself. I DO mind the high pitched squeal and or howling when it's right next to my tired ears.

Airlines could be more proactive about helping travelers with small kids, that's for sure. I've never booked a flight for a miniperson, but seems like, call me crazy, you could add a little question to the booking process = "Are you flying with young child?" and then give some options. "Would you like information on how to make the flight easier on your child and yourself?" "Would you like to know how to travel with your car seat?" etc.

Nerd's Eye View ( http://www.nerdseyeview.com )

the worst though is the farking parents who don't even try!!!
I was on a flight with a howling child..the child was upset about the air pressure and the parents seemed to be clueless..it was a flight attendant who came and carried the baby till it felt better.

I also feel that you mostly have to go with the flow...on a ten hour flight to the UK there was a bored toddler near the washrooms...it was way more fun playing WITH her than using the energy to tut and sigh at her antics...it broke the monotony.

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com ( http://www.wetcoastwomen.com )

I like your post, and how you point out how bed behaviour can come from everyone. I wanted to tell a parents version of travel. I sympathize with anyone stuck next to a small child, but even though I consider myself a very responsible parent, and my focus is always to keep my child quiet and happy, so others will be happy, it is truly beyond control sometimes. Below is an example, and this flight was genrally good. Unless they stop children from flying all together, I don't have an answer, only to say that the current system does not work. (and just for the record, parents dreadthe flight as much as you do, but what else are we supposed to do?)

I have two children, ages 6 and 2 1/2. We have flown a lot with both of them, including many overseas trips to visit my in-laws. Overall our trips have gone quite well. We work hard and we are lucky.

Since our youngest is now over two, we have to buy him a seat, which I prefer anyway, depsite the cost. His car seat fits right in and helps tremendously with helping him sleep, and just generally controlling him. However, just to show how you never know what to expect when flying: we recently flew from Boston to Illinois and took our 'FAA Approved' car seat. There was no trouble going out, we had a great flight. On the return trip, however, the "FAA Approved' sticker had faded and was unreadable (it was in the same state on the way out, but no one, including myself, had noticed). The flight attendant would not let us use it, because he could not find 'proof' that it was FAA approved. Do you know how hard it is to keep a 2 1/2 year-old still in a regular airplane seat? It is Impossible to do it completely.

On this same trip, this same flight attendant told us upon boarding that, 'some people had moved their seats." I said, "What does that mean? Will we be able to sit next to our children?" He actually said, "that shouldn't be a problem, and if we have to, we can ask people to move." IF WE HAVE TO? I booked these seats in advance so there would not be a problem, so we could sit together and NOT BOTHER people without children! I said (very nicely) that I did not understand why people had moved before everyone was on the plane, and he said, (defensively) "well, probably because they want to sit with their fiends just like you do". Well, then, they should have booked ahead! If I book last minute, I certainly do not expect special treatment. We did have to ask a man to move out of our seats, but at least he apologized and was gracious. How do we win in that situation? We tried to set things up to not bother anyone.

Later in the flight, our 2 1/2 year-old was kicking the seat in front of him, and another flight attendant came by and said: “please stop that!" Meanwhile I was physically holding him back and trying to stop him, which is really hard to do for two hours, and said, "Well, it is hard to stop him when I cannot use our car seat." She had no comment, and quickly moved on. If we had the car seat, it would have made the flight more comfortable for everyone. I understand that they were following rules, and we will be sure to get a sticker for next time, but the point is they should go out of their way to help everybody out.

My overall point is that people are expected to control their kids at all times on an airplane. Even the best parents will admit this is exceedingly hard to do at the best of times, and even harder when the rules can change anytime. And they can: the airlines reserve the right to move people anywhere they want, or to deny a carseat, or carry-on luggage, or anything else they want at a moment's notice. I know there is a good reason for this: but think about any of that happening with small children (and it does). Just think about it! Combine that with the physical confines of an airplane. Parents make a decision: contain the child so he won't disturb anyone. Someone sees this and thinks it is wrong, or the child makes noise. Okay, so the other option is to let the child walk up and down. well, other people complain about that. Again, how can you win? And just for the record, if adults get impatient and rude, how can you expect children to always behave?

Contrary to some stories you hear, I have had more problems with flight attendants than with TSA security. We always make sure that we are all prepared (including kids) for what we have to do at security (take shoes off, liquids properly prepared, etc) and we are always very polite. So far they have always been great and helpful when they see us struggling with small children. I cannot say the same for all flight attendants. Most, of course, are great, but some have major attitudes, and expect you to have superhuman qualities with children (even when you are knocking yourself out to control your child).

I'm beginning to dread those long flights (4 hours or more) because of the many things you talk about, Pam. Be it the overly-large businessman who should've bought two seats, or the distressed child, inconsiderateness makes flying all the worse...

On my last long flight, the parents of a 2 year old kept him corralled between the two of them (window and middle seat) throughout the flight. He howled the entire time. I could sympathize with the child's frustration about being cooped up for way too long and thought that it would have been nicer for the child if he'd have been able to walk just a bit. (the poor woman sitting next to them had been on planes since the wee hours of the a.m. flying from London to S.F.--man! did I feel for her)

In the terminal, a fellow passenger remarked to the father about the child not liking flying "oh, no," the father said, "he loves it." yeah. I'm so sure of that one. Oh, the lies some parents tell themselves (rather than find solutions)

at least my Chicago flight will be only 2 hrs.

Tish Grier
blogger/consultant/writer
currently with the Constant Observer ( http://spap-oop.blogspot.com )

Amen.