Can I be happy if it's just a day job?
by Chantel Williams

All of my life I wanted to be a success. It didn't matter what I was as long as I was a success. My dreams ranged anywhere from a rock star to a business woman as long as it involved a lot of money and a lot of personal fulfillment. I really wanted to accomplish something. This "something" has forever eluded me.

When you're staring down the barrel of adulthood, (I'm 33) you start to think more about what success means to you. Sure I've written a novel that I don't have time to re-write and query for publication. Would this make me happy? I'm six months away from graduating from college with a degree to move into a better, higher paying job. Would this make me happy? Would I truly feel successful if I ditched everything to make fish tacos on a beach in Mexico?
Antonella is reading my mind.

"I am 45 years old. I am woman. I am strong. I am smart. I manage a group of really smart and talented people. And yet, sometimes I feel as powerless as that girl who once dreamed she was made of glass. I feel that the world is too big, too powerful, too out of control, and definitely not on my side. I still feel that I am a defective and fragile item in a world of perfect ones. I still feel I am a fake, I don't belong, and shouldn't be there."

Truly what is it going to take? Is this consulting job going to be enough or should I focus more on the things I love? If I called this my day job, would I finally feel sense of accomplishment?

The trick is constantly reminding yourself that it is all worth it. The long hours studying, the short hours writing and the small windows of time that you sleep will pay off in the end. The struggle to find balance between who you want to be and who you really are is a life long quest. I no longer believe I am what I do professionally but I will be remembered for what I do in this lifetime.

Submitted by Chantel Williams (view blog) on Mon, 02/27/2006 - 22:15

Comments

 

Money & The Meaning of Life

Chantel... that was a thoughtful post. Meaningful work is hard to find. Throw money in the mix and the quest to strike a balance between meaning and livelihood is an even bigger challenge.

There's an interesting interview with Jacob Needlman that appreared in Fast Company called the Money & The Meaning of Life. It's worth taking the time to read.

Submitted by Nina Smith on Mon, 02/27/2006 - 21:30
 

If I may add...

In addition to the constant prepping, may I suggest an occasional gut check. I think most driven women (if I may be so bold to speak for them;) move, move, move, then ask themselves, "Do I really want this?" Later.

Great choice of a blog to feature, Chantel. I love stopping into Antonella's place.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause

Submitted by Jory Des Jardins on Mon, 02/27/2006 - 21:42
 

Your ideal day

I think Jory is right on with the gut check call and it may be important to clarify your vision again. When I used to teach workshops based on Carol Lloyd's book, Creating a Life Worth Living, one of my favorite exercises to have my students do was for them to write down, in the present tense, their ideal day from the moment they wake up until they fall asleep. It does not have to be realistic, it can be a 60 hour day that takes you all over the world, the only thing it has to have is that you are earning money somehow, some way in this day.

Once you have described your ideal day, go through and underline what of that day you already have and what is missing. It is surprising sometimes how much we already have. Then take your list of what is missing and brainstorm with a friend or a group of friends what small steps you can take to make those missing things happen.

Also, I saw your comment that you are a 73 on the stress test. Take it from one stresser to another, sometimes you gotta drop the goals and just take a day (or a week!) to watch movies and eat ice cream.

Britt Bravo
Blogher Contributing Editor: Nonprofits & NGOs
NetSquared Community Builder
Big Vision Career & Project

Submitted by Britt Bravo on Tue, 02/28/2006 - 09:28
 

That's the ticket!

Striking a balance with fulfillment, career and family is something I find more unique to women. I think this is an interesting topic where we can offer a lot of support to one another through conversation and idea sharing.

Thanks for the feeback, let's keep it coming.

Chantel Williams
BlogHer Contributing Editor - Personal Blogs
http://lifeandtimesofchantel.blogspot.com

Submitted by Chantel Williams on Tue, 02/28/2006 - 10:50
 

You Define What Success and Happiness Means
for YOU

Thanks for bringing up such a great topic and relevant posts. I would almost guarantee that there are millions of women who ask themselves this question everyday.

I think Jory hits the nail on the head in her comment. Women tend to push, be driven, accomplish and then say - is this the ladder I meant to climb? And, if I am at the top, why don't I feel happier?

I know this firsthand from climbing some mountains I had no real desire to summit.

I like to work with people on visualizing and defining what success and happiness really means to THEM. Not what someone else told them it "should" look like. I write about this topic in a recent post on my blog entitled "What is Success?" http://www.coaching4lesbians.com/blog/2006/01/12/what-is-success/

I've found success and happiness to be truly unique to an individual. Think about it -- I'm sure you've met people who think one activity is great fun (say, shopping) and then another person who'd rather have root canal than shop. Does that making shopping fun or not fun? Depends on who is doing the shopping, right? Works the same way for the bigger questions in life too -- like "can I be happy if it is just a day job?"

Looking forward to hearing more from you on this topic....

Warmly
-Paula
http://www.coaching4lesbians.com

Submitted by paulag01 on Tue, 02/28/2006 - 19:01
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