Mommy cliques: What's all the buzz?

As if the recent hubbub over the so-called Mommy Wars wasn't enough, now the blogosphere is buzzing over Queen Bee Moms and the associated clique politics.

You might want to grab a couple of Advil for this one.

How did it all start? Meet Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes, the book upon which the movie Mean Girls was based. Her newest book, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads holds up a magnifying glass to a culture where--she asserts--most women really never do progress past middle-school social skills. You can review a pithy summation of her posited cliques at MOMania.

Anne-Marie of A Mama's Rant does a fabulous round-up of what a lot of BlogHers have to say on the topic. (I love it when someone else does my work for me!) First she quotes Wiseman herself, from her article in the April issue of Parenting Magazine:

Cliques form when we feel pressured to bond to survive a stressful experience - and there's not much that's more stressful than parenting. No one likes being labeled, but I believe that putting names to these cultural constructs can give us insight into group dynamics and into ourselves.

Anne-Marie then--intentionally or not--reveals her own belief in the clique mentality when noting:

Heather O. at "Mormon Mommy Wars" doesn't believe in them even though some of her snide comments suggest that she may have a little Queen Bee or Wannabee inside her.

(Is it wrong that that made me laugh out loud?)

And then she quotes Charlene Prince Birkeland's take over at Blogging Baby:

I honestly don't buy into the popular credo that there is a mommy war, but the mom clique? It's so very real and can be even more damaging than some random woman I don't know who pontificates that a mother's place is in the home. Mom cliques are in your face, every day. At school drop off, at the park, at birthday parties. You start to wonder when folks will ever really grow up.

Anne-Marie wraps up by asking others to weigh in with their opinions, and one needs only to search on "queen bee cliques" to find that plenty of moms are only too happy to oblige with their own feelings on the subject.

To me, the most interesting contribution so far came in the form of LibraryLady's post, "Cliqueless." While I was busy categorizing all of the moms I know, she was noting that as a working mom, she's not even sure she's high enough on the clique totem to qualify as an outcast. Furthermore:

So I have just given up trying to help at school. I'd like to. The PTA does great things for the school--I appreciate what they do. But they want to keep their club, so I am going to let them devote their time and energy to it and spend my time at home with my family!

It doesn't bug me in terms of myself. We are not in desperate need of a social life via the school. We have friends and family who matter, and that's enough social life for us. The Man and I have NEVER been social butterflies anyway.

What truly upsets me is that my being a total outcast from the mommy clique has effected my daughters. It's been happening to SC and now I see JR getting left out of the group far too often.

It's sad to think that the cliques women were supposed to have outgrown in high school are being resurrected as they become mothers.

But it's sadder still to see that their behavior is effecting their daughters. And other peoples daughters as well.

Sometimes "Like mother, like daughter" is a very depressing phrase.

(image source: Synergy Synapse)

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Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

At Ty's Toy Box: Listen to your Mommy!