That is a good point, since we hopped on to the internet early on looking for community, we learned and adopted new technology as the technology grew and evovled.

Also, you are so right about the lgbt folk being involved parents.  And they are so good at about creating a network of support and providing a wealth of information for each other, and those of us about to start our families. 

Yeah, sometimes internet gaydar fails.  When it comes to single lesbians, unless they specifiy somewhere in their about me section, or they talk about their dating lfe, or being gay, I would be clueless.  With the happily coupled lesbians I can usual tell even when they don't use pronouns or names.  There is just someting about the way they talk about their other half that is just different enough from how straight people talk about their spouse, that I can usually tell. 

All of the lesbian blogs I read can be traced back to me finding one lesbian blog and working my way through blog rolls.  It's kind of interstering to see who reads who, and who doesn't read who.  I'm sort of fascinated really, by the overlaps in the lesbian blog circles.

for me to dare to even venture into queer space (ten years ago now), then to share my issues, then to write freely and openly on those issues.

I do think the initial looking for community was the catalyst, and we simply evolved our comfort level, became adapt with technology, and made use of it (even if initially reluctant at various steps.)

Where, why, and how we are willing to connect to community varies, but it does drive us to explore new ways and new spaces. 

As with anything, things come to be because people are driven in some way to find a way to make use of various tools - or even create the tools.  

nelle

Well the first part - I didn't see the edit til now when I came back to answer the original comment. ;-)

While I hate to speak for anyone, I can assure you that you're welcome in the discussion as you would be on any other topic on BlogHer. Blogs written by Laina about women of color are certainly not closed to caucasian women. Blogs written by any of the moms are not closed to women who are childfree or childless.

Now, back to the original part of your comment....

When I saw your comment my first thought was "does Zoe do that? is her focus always about how gays are different from straights?" I wondered because I don't read them that way and I also wondered because I've assigned her some of those topics specifically.

I surfed quickly through her topics and I don't see them as specifically blogging the differences in order TO blog the differences. I see her blogging GLBT topics about about GLBT issues which are sometimes different from those of our straight counter-parts.

This happens because, brace yourself, our lives are different from straight folks' lives. And we are often very different from straight folks.

I don't think Zoe would do the GLBT community any favors if she bent over backwards to blog our similarities any more than she does.

In this post, she's blogging about a study regarding GLBT bloggers. What should she have done differently? Blogged about straight bloggers?

She blogged about another study about queer relationships, should she have - not done that?

She blogged about GLBT tax issues, and if the queer community doesn't speak up about those issues - who is going to?

Zoe is the CE for the GLBT beat - that's what she blogs. :-)

I hear you when you compare the fight of women and blacks to the fight GLBT people are facing. I've expressed some very unpopular views on that topic in the past (I'm anti gay marriage, after all.) I also blogged for ClubMom and rarely invoked my sexual orientation and instead "played a pretty normal mom of a less than normal teen" and got stabbed a few times by my gay sisters for not blogging more "queer". I hear you and in some ways I agree with you.

But, in the end, I feel the strength of the gay community comes from being who we are - and that means blogging our identities and our issues.

Good question - loved it. Thanks!

Being one that does engage in various settings some who are not inclined to support the lgbt community, there are rather obvious things that do need pointing out... I get up in the morning, shower, get dressed, drive to work, work, drive home... you get the idea. This to counter the tossing around of 'gay lifestyle.' What lifestyle is that?

Yet I'm not going to claim complete sameness, because first of all, every last one of us is unique (in my case, the world should probably consider that a very good thing ;-) )

Because of being shoved into minority status where some - many - think ill of us, it does create communities that might not otherwise exist, at least to the current extent, and IMO it does spur us to take some things a bit more seriously than we might otherwise. Is there any doubt that if acceptance was a non-issue, if we were fully out and integrated in society that we too would engage in the 'elvis wedding type stuff? Of course we would - but right now, right now we yearn for things so bad, yearn to see our love and partnering be viewed as legitimate that most every one of us wouldn't be caught dead doing that.

Anyway, there isn't anything wild and exotic about our lives (I know Denise, I know... speak for yourself) and our loves. I'm reminded of one well meaning question years ago 'what do I get a gay couple for a wedding present?' I loved the well meaning ignorance of that question. Well, unless you were planning on buying something like a strap on, get what you might buy any other couple. :)

nelle

I tend to agree that the studies themselves are annoying - almost all studies are annoying, which reminds me of the blog I started once and abandoned about annoying studies.

:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

On occasion, I've been known to annoy Denise, but she loves me. ;-) 

nelle

I want to start with some disclaimers. First, I am Zoe's best friend and I am straight. I will admit to my bias toward Zoe, but I think I also have a good idea who she is. Second, I will apologize in advance if you feel I am arguing with you, but I don't think you have any right to judge Zoe as you have.

She is one of those people in this world (and I wish there were more) who honestly judges people for who they are not for their sexual orientation. She deserves to be read and accepted for herself, not for her sexual orientation. When you tell her to "blog her sameness," I cry foul. None of us "blog our sameness." Straight or gay, we blog to share ourselves, our feelings, our beliefs, and our lives. None of our lives are the same as everyone elses. If we were all the same, experiencing the same things, wouldn't it get really boring in cyberspace? Zoe is a unique and wonderful human being. I have the distinct pleasure of calling her a friend and I enjoy the person she is. I want to hear what she thinks and feels, even if what she thinks/feels/experiences is different fundamentally from the life I have known.

I have never heard her say that gay people are better than straight ones. And I dispute strongly your interpretations of her posts. I'd like to point out a few places where you have, in my opinion, misread her posts.

The title of the post on relationships ended with a "?" And her conclusions from the post are that a relationship succeeds or fails based on the flexibility and team work of those involved, not based on sexual identity. I quote here as evidence:

"Whether gay or straight, when it really comes down to it, relationships
are relationships. All relationships have struggles and issues.
Marriage is not a blissful fairytale. Relationships are work."

Here I will quote from the post above: "I'm not fully sure why a higher percentage of gay men and women blog
than straight ones, but I think "to find and build communtiy" is a
reasonalby good theory." Nowhere does she say that more gay people blog because they are better than straight people.

As far as feeling out of place on her personal blog, I think that is because it is an established blog with a loyal following. We all read each other's blog, some of us know each other in real life. There are bound to be inside jokes. No one snubbed you on purpose. And I am sure that the outsider feeling would be present on ANY established blog, regardless of whether the person writing was gay or straight. It is just like walking into a room full of people who all know one another and don't know you. 

Finally, as to your comment: "I would support your cause regardless of how
annoying you are :)" - I do not see equal civil rights for all
Americans as a gay person's cause.

Heh, I can't tell you what to write, because you write professionally, and have someone who will also assign you stuff - that is a bit different than simply writing from your heart.

When I write in predominantly straight space, most often (not all) of the time I have my brain involved and write to those who might lurk and who are trying to learn and understand. Sometimes that gets left aside, but most often it is what I try for... because it is there we make real inroads into improving things. Many times I've received private mail thanking me for (again generally) being positive and patient, yet clearly making points. We change minds in that unseen margin, one person at a time.

nelle

Of course people read your posts. You are more experienced at blogging than I am – you must know that there’s often little correlation between the number of readers and the number of comments. I typed a few of your post titles into the search box. Your “Pregnant Man” post had 2861 reads. Your Sally Kern post had 1009 reads. The “Gay Relationships” post had 860 reads and the “gays blog more” post had 762 reads. Your post on Granola Dykes had 426 reads and the one “On Starting a Family” had 377 reads. I’m guessing BlogHer editors have even easier access to these statistics?

You could use those as a guide to see which topics are interesting to BlogHer’s audience. Personally, I enjoy personal posts such as “on starting a family”, but if you want to reach out to as many readers as possible, then it looks like headline-based and political issues are best, including annoying “gays are different/ better” posts. :)

Re: gays being different, I live in the Silicon Valley. The levels of diversity and acceptance here are so high, especially in San Francisco, that I think I may not realize just how bad gays have it elsewhere.

I have re-subscribed to your personal blog, but I have to say, that in it, you can be as exclusive as you want. It is your personal blog, after all. I’m not sure you should worry too much about someone like me feeling like an outsider on your blog, but I do reserve the right to complain if I do. :)

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com