An Oxymoron Is Not An Idiot With Zits

BlogHer Original Post

Congratulations. You have stumbled into the realm of the Certifiable Princess. I am a Jewess woman, late 30's, full-figured and I love to travel and...

Wait. This isn't J-Date, is it? Oops.

Alright, what I am is just a zany chick trying to make her mark in the world by writing anything and everything that pops into my head. This may not sound exciting to you. Hell, it doesn't even sound exciting to me, but a friend of a friend of a friend told me I was kinda funny. You might want to make your own mind up on that lest you be known as a sheep who merely follows the masses.

I am a mother of two. Never said I was a good mother of two. The conception and delivery was the easiest part of this whole gig. I didn't know labor could last 19 years. Can I get an epidural now? For my head? Please? I am married to an Israeli with an Arabic sounding name. Therefore, I am subjected to strip searches every time I enter an airport. I've gotten kind of fond of them. It's really all about the human contact, isn't it? I refer to my husband as "my oldest". I have two kids, two dogs and two cats. They crap all over my house. (The animals, not my kids, though I suspect if I allowed it, they would join in.)

I am an activist for Gay and Lesbian rights, despite the fact that I am neither. I do a lot of volunteer work for Planned Parenthood (how's THAT for an oxymoron? Does anyone really PLAN for parenthood? No, it usually takes you by surprise, in a giant chokehold from behind). I also am a member of several Domestic Violence organizations. 99% of the time, I tend to be interesting.

The other 1%, I am asleep at the computer.

So, enough about me. Let's talk about YOU.

What do YOU think of ME?

Anyway, stop by the blog. Nice to meet you and hopefully, I will provide you with 30 seconds worth of entertainment. That's 28 seconds longer than most husbands last! Think about it!