BlogHer '06 Session Discussion: MommyBlogging is a Radical Act! on Day Two
by 4th in our series introducing you to each of our BlogHer Conference '06 sessions and their speakers, and finding out what you would like to get from each session. Today, I bring you:
Day Two: MommyBlogging is a Radical Act
Last year Alice Bradley brought the house down declaring MommyBlogging a "radical act." Now, she returns in a discussion with Tracey from Sweetney and Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda on what that means. Far from receding, this issue continues to resonate on- and off-line. Can you say "MommyWars"? Well, plenty of moms wish you wouldn't!
So, what's the back story here? I'm sure Alice and Tracey and Mir will pipe in with their own perspective, so I will only tell you mine. During last year's closing session of BlogHer an attendee told her fellow attendees that if they "stopped blogging about themselves they could change the world." When I heard that I interpreted it to be directed at all of us who blog about our lives and the events therein big and small, but some (maybe most) of the MommyBloggers in the room felt the remark was directed at them. Seems that more than a few MommyBloggers felt there was a distinction being drawn by some other bloggers between people blogging about "important" stuff, and people "just" blogging about their feelings, their families and the joys and struggles of parenting.
And they didn't like it at all.
[img_assist|fid=365|thumb=1|alt=Alice Bradley]
So Alice Bradley (aka finslippy) held up her hand, waited patiently until we got a microphone to her, stood up and said loud and clear: "MommyBlogging is a radical act!" adding something to the effect of "As marginalized as women bloggers are or feel they are, MommyBloggers are perhaps even more marginalized." With the benefit of time and space Alice adds this thought:
We readers and authors of parenting blogs are looking for a representation of authentic experience that we're not getting elsewhere. We sure as hell aren't getting it from the parenting magazines. If you want to find out how to make nutritious muffins that look like kitty cats, you can read those. But a parenting magazine will never help you feel less alone, less stupid, less ridiculous. This is the service I think parenting blogs provide-we share our lopsided, slightly hysterical, often exaggerated but more or less authentic experiences. If one blogger writes about, say, her bad behavior at the doctor's office, then maybe at some point, some freaked-out new mother is going to read that and feel a little better-less stupid, less ridiculous-about her own breakdown at the pediatrician's.
Tracey from Sweetney was one of many moms to carry on the conversation at her blog. About MommyBlogging. About the word "MommyBlogging". About identity and the power of words and the community of parenting bloggers. Check out the the thoughtful comments she got to the above post in reply to these questions:
* in your view, what's a mommy blogger? (hey blogher folks! remember this?!)
* is it a genre with very specific characteristics? or simply a term meaning "someone who has spat forth humanity that has a blog"?
* who would you place in this category, as an example?
* and finally: am i a mommyblogger?
Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda comes from a slightly different perspective. She's a single mom who's a lot more private about the public (and radical) act of MommyBlogging. No pictures of her or the kids, no full real names. But she's been at this for exactly two years...longer than most...and those two years have seen her through a lot of radical changes. Through it all she has blogged it.
We non-mommies might see the MommyBloggers as being full of power these days. Everywhere we go we trip over articles about them and businesses devoted to them and opportunities for them.
And then a book like The Mommy Wars or Caitlin Flanagan's latest re-ignites the discussion and makes it clear: it's not that simple, and it's not that easy to put us all in a neat little box.
So, we see a lot to talk about in this session. But what do you think? What do you want to learn? What do you want to hear? What do you never want to hear again? What would make you attend this session?
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Comments
I agree that blogging about
I agree that blogging about personal issues is what makes blogging (most particularly "mommyblogging") so unique.
I am not interested in what Microsoft is doing. I can't afford the latest digital camera or hand-held electronic device. Political blogs rarely change anyone's point of view - they're usually just big argument forums, often degenerating into name-calling.
With the strong feelings over parenting and in particular, mothering, and the debate over working in the home or out of the home, it is the personal stories that resonate with me.
I am old. I am fat. My children are not perfect. My daughter is taking summer school because she failed a class. My son has been out of high school for two years and is still working at McDonald's. I don't always pay my bills on time. I drive a beat up car. I have dirty dishes in the sink. But I still like me, I love my family, and writing keeps me out of a rubber room - LOL
When I can share my ambivalent feelings of raising a teenage daughter who dyes her hair black at a friend's house, I hope that it serves several purposes. Getting it off my chest, (I always feel better if I can talk about something that bothers me) helping me see the situation more rationally, and letting other parents who have gone through (or will go through) a similar experience, be able to say, "Well, that happened to Marti, and she managed not to kill the child or herself, so maybe I can too."
Mommyblogging is important because it is personal. That old saying about not knowing what another person's life is like until you walk a mile in their shoes is true. Mommyblogging lets others wear our shoes, get a glimpse into our world, and lets all of us feel a little less alone.
I will not be able to attend the conference. I hope that some of the participants will express the sentiments I described above.
Marti
interesting
You know, I hadn't even thought about the fact that I'm the only one on the panel blogging pseudonymously. I wonder if that makes a difference (to others, I mean). Will give it some thought before the conference. :)
--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
At Ty's Toy Box: Listen to your Mommy!
waited patiently?
So I guess you didn't see me jumping up and down and waving my arm frantically? I'm sure everyone thought I needed to use the bathroom.
I would say more here, but I'm interested in what other people have to say, first. On a related note, did anyone see Caitlin Flanagan on the Colbert Report? She seemed about 30 seconds away from humping Stephen Colbert.
Not that I blame her.
Pssst... Alice!
I know you've been busy acclimating to Jersey, and all, but I did a piece about Flanagan on The Colbert Report a couple of weeks ago.
Though I totally would've used that line about her humping him if I'd thought of it first. ;)
--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda
At Ty's Toy Box: Listen to your Mommy!
Patience is in the eye of the beholder :)
You have to remember I'm pretty short. In that sea of people I probably only saw your hand up in the air, and not the jumping up and down!
Yes, I saw Caitlin on Colbert...having been previously unaware of her. The whole time she talked about what a nice traditional SAHM mom she was I was wondering how long her book tour was. Not to start a whole other debate, but she seemed like a big ol' hypocrite to me.
Elisa Camahort
BlogHer and Worker Bees
elisa@blogher.org/elisa@workerbees.biz
A popular, relevant, and important topic
Women speaking up has always been radical in our society. Mommyblogging is definitely important as a method of bringing voice to women who aren't necessarily living in a mommy + baby fairyland. So many mommybloggers discuss issues like PPD, anxiety, autism, and other things that are still difficult and sometimes taboo to talk about with your friends and neighbors.
I would love to see the discussion touch on how we can persuade loved ones that our blogging is important... for our sanity, for the historical value of keeping a record of a family's life, for the fact that many of us are inadvertantly turning this little "hobby" into a part-time career. How can we get the R-E-S-P-E-C-T we deserve?
Another topic I find fascinating is the one of censorship by our spouses. We touched on this a bit last year, but I've seen more evidence of it lately (deleted posts, online apologies, etc.) Does this bother us as a community of women with voices or is it a strictly personal issue?
Oh oh oh. And how about balance? When does blogging about your family start getting in the way of simply being with or taking care of your family?
These aren't new concerns, but they are ones I deal with regularly as a mommyblogger.
Also, I would just like to add that after going though the list of attendees and noting how many are mommybloggers, I believe this particular session will be very well-attended and also quite exciting and emotional, too. A box or two of kleenex might be a good thing to have at the ready.
Can't wait to attend the session, Tracey, Alice, and Mir!
Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family
Mom Writes
Archives for our children
I would like to see if these "Mommybloggers" even look at the future ramifications of their blogs - in the eyes of their children. Right now? My son loves my blog - but will he be embarassed by it as he gets older? (I hope not) And then, when his is grown, will he find it a fascinating document of his childhood? (hopefully). Have these women thought about this and do they think about it as the document the trials of parenting? These things have been on my mind a lot lately as a "mommyblogger".
The modern version of oral history
This reminds me of a comment I made at the SXSW/BlogHer ElderBlogging panel. For years we talked about interviewing my grandmother to get an oral history of her life. It never happened. The stories I know are in my head and filled with fuzzy spots.
Wouldn't I love now to have a record of her thoughts and feelings as history passed around her. To hear stories of her life in a post WW II New York City...obviously fascinating!
But for our grandchildren hearing stories of our life in a post 9/11 United States will likely be equally fascinating.
Elisa Camahort
BlogHer and Worker Bees
elisa@blogher.org/elisa@workerbees.biz
My heart has belonged to
My heart has belonged to Alice ever since that comment at BlogHer. She managed to coherently verbalize the annoyed, repressed, slightly rageful feelings I was having due to the grossly marginalizing comments of an unfortunate and select few. That plus a general attitudinal vibe I was getting from "the Man". I was all "aah.... ARGH.... ZIPEMZAPEM....SHIZNETSHIZAH~!" and Alice was all "I would like to point out..." Right on sister. I heart Alice and her finely honed emotional / verbalization link. I have that link, but there is a 48 hour delay. I come up with a witty response while alone in the shower three days later.
At any rate, I consider mommybloggers to be women who have children who at times, blog about issues related to parenthood, and / or their own children.
Blogging about motherhood is indeed a radical act. It is a radical act when the stories are true, and the representations of the huge, complicated experiences of motherhood are accurate and heart-felt, and most importantly, from the perspective of the woman who is the mother.
I think mommyblogging has done what until recently, no one realized needed to be done. It has put the woman back into the mother back into parenting. Blogging emphasizes the experiences of the mother. The mother with a brain, and with the complex thoughts and feelings about her role as a mother and as an individual.
Accurate representations of what parenting is really like are difficult to find. For some reason, either no one wanted to write about the realities, or no one wanted to publish them. Most of what I have read is sugar-coated or for instructional purposes only. Motherhood can be frighteningly lonely and isolating. I remember longing to learn about someone who had similar feelings of self-doubt, insanity, and paralyzing fears in addition to all the joy. I looked in bookstores and the closest thing I could find was a book written by Jenny McCarthy. It was all either too cutesy or to emotionally sterile.
Then I found the blogs, and I was mesmerized. It was like I had found my people. Like the end of that blind melon video when the chubby little girl in the bee costume finds the other bees. That's what mommyblogging is to me. I love that I finally found my bees.
I really like your
I really like your perspective on this, Megan.
I'm not "all-kid all-the-time," but I still feel like a mommyblogger. And I especially agree that the more honest and true we are, the more radical mommyblogging is.
I'm interested in the political possibilities -- the grassroots-type awakening that comes with finding out you're not alone. I have dreams of all us "mommybloggers" rising up and just going buck-nuts on Congress, or something.
Also, most righteous Blind Melon reference.
It has put the woman back
I love that. It sums up why I feel blogging by mothers is important. When you have a child, your mind doesn't get put into pickle... you are still in there, and the intellect that you were born with is in there, too. The only thing that may have changed is your subject matter. And by damn, it's pretty important subject matter, at that: The next generation, and documentation of how they were raised - the prevailing wisdom on childrearing in the trenches, not in some book of theories.
And the other thing that interests me is best summed up by a question my 7-year-old asked me (about an anecdote I published where she was the main character): "Mommy, why did you put that on the Internet?"
Whoops. I often wonder if I'll get asked that question again someday when it's far more important to her than it is now.
sadly
sadly, you put the term "mommy" or "mother" in front of anything, and it immediately gets denigrated. this is part of a long and painful history where women have had to struggle to gain the "privilege" to write and be read. I don't write extensively about my son, but my identity as a mother permeates a large proportion of what I write, and so I claim the term "mommyblogger" proudly--this to me is a political gesture in line with what alice and sweetney have called for.
though i feel sheepish pimping myself like this, i actually wrote what was less a post than a small essay on the issue here: http://gingajoy.blogspot.com/2006/05/tale-of-two-mommy-sites.html
some of the questions I ponder are all related to the above discussion--what does the explosion in mommyblogging tell us about the fundamental gaps in the way we are represented in the mainstream media? there's still so much to explore here, but for me it boils down to this. there IS no such thing as a "mommyblog" genre necessarily--one reason we are so attracted to reading the stories of other mothers is that it shows how widely ranging our experiences are (despite traditional media's attempt to package that into the "mommy experience" genre) mommy blogs show us motherhood as deeply flawed, messy, and contradictory. one dominant trait (generic?) among these blogs is how the blogs build community via empathy (though not always). But I think as soon as we try and determine the generic traits of the mommy blog, those traits will be immediately undercut by those who write them--it's the nature of the form. I guess before trying to define the form, I'd ask why are we doing so? (and there can be valid reasons, I am sure).
other questions I am interested in--what does this explosion in writing tell us about women today? why writing as a medium, especially autobiographical writing?
In turn, how does the act of writing affect the blogger's own sense of identity? (I know that for me, as I began a few months back, a sense of "audience"--or lack thereof--really affected how I approached the medium. As I got more readers, and read more blogs by others, my "voice" changed. my writing identity changed.)
The other phenonemon I am interested in (and write about in the post) is the emergence of corporate sites like ClubMom, which harness the potential of mommyblogging, while at the same time presenting the veneer of the mainstream media--corporations are paying our favorite women to write, which is great. I do not have a problem with blogging being a commerical activity in the slightest (I wish I was in the pack!!). But, what are the repurcussions of this? How is this both cause for celebration and caution? I'd definitely like to hear speakers address that question.
thanks!
What they said
I think: Mommyblogging is the first widely-accessible literature that creates a well-rounded picture of what motherhood is. Beyond the images, beyond the stereotypes, beyond the social expectations, in all its messy, painful, beautiful glory. I know I'm preaching to the converted here, but the importance of mommyblogging can't be underestimated. Thank you, Alice, for saying so eloquently what many of us feel.
I want to learn and hear: others' experiences Mommyblogging. What do you write about? What do you get out of blogging about your life as a mother? How does/do your spouse/kids/extended family/friends react to your writing? Has blogging changed the way you feel as a mother? Has blogging been the catalyst for real-time friendship?
I don't want to hear: whether or not Mommyblogging is legitimate. I think we can put this tired debate to rest, if there ever really was a debate to begin with.
What will make me attend: I'm there!
Me too
Pretty much just a big fat ditto here. :)
I don't blog about my family all the time, but I still feel I'm a mommy blogger. Because everything else aside, that's the main focus of my life and therefore the main focus of my blog (since my blog *is* my life). Like Zoot said, I've also thought about future ramifications of my blog on my family. I like to think that I'm mentioning all the little moments that I otherwise would forget over time but that we can all go back and enjoy later on. What a gift that must be!
Like Mir, I'm blogging annonymously...but considering "stepping out the closet" so to speak. That would make an interesting topic, I'd think. How to blog annonymously or how to go from anonymous to not-so-much. Anyhow.
Very much looking forward to attending this session. It's been on my "docket" since I first heard of it!
Wht *is* that?
Mommyblogging is a radical act.
I missed that since I didn't attend last year, but Alice summed things up perfectly. (Per usual!)
I too have noticed that putting "mommy" in front of anything equals an immediate denigration. Is it because mommies are too bedraggled, tired, and focused on others to speak up for ourselves? Or because we're bedraggled and tired and that brings on the denigration?
I find it odd because, for the most part, people like their own moms.
So why the denigration?
I look forward to this panel. It should be great and from the looks of the comments, the audience will have plenty to contribute (or at least blog about afterwards:) too.
Looking forward to this session!
I agree with Asha...arguing about whether or not mommyblogging is legitimate or whatever is kind of academic and I don't think there's much of a debate there.
I would be curious to hear discussion about the questions gingajoy mentioned at the end there, re: ClubMom, etc., and I'm interested in the "balance" issue as previously mentioned with respect to finding time to blog the way you want.
just for moms, stuff the wars
And the icing on the cake is that I created Minti for just this reason. Magazines didn't give me a place to discuss real issues. Minti is entirely for moms to discuss parenting as well as for dads (who are quite active) it's for any parent (carer, grandparents etc).
Minti is a collaborative publisher that has Advice articles written by parents, member blogs, groups, forums, lounge...and at the same time the contributor mom is able to talk about her experiences being a mom and gaining a reputation just by participating articles in minti, minti friends and other parent visitors from search engines, learn more about the mom blogger on her profile page and her own personal blogs outside minti. Minti is like a search engine, so advice you provide is like a publication on the web, like an author would have a book and then a personal homepage or blog site (so author minti advice, you also can visit their own personal blog on minti or outside of minti. I created minti as a platform to be the medium were parents can be the voice to reach parents globally and find the village we have been looking for. Pass down golden advice from experienced moms.
Popular advice - since march over 1000 visits...
Parent created advice on minti...
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Living Harmoniously: Your Dog & Your Child
Group B Streptococcus - The most common cause of life-threatening infection in newborns in the UK
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Encouraging What's Creative
Eating For Good Behaviour
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I think the mommy wars are over and moms can just live at minti without having to feel like they need to justify themselves as I did...and I did something about it and thought up Minti...
Crappy Audiocast Available
I've posted a rough and completely unedited version of the mommyblogging session here: http://www.slolane.org/blogher06/mommyblogging.mp3
Warning: it's huge; 70MB or so. I apologize for the quality and size. (I probably won't be able to leave it up forever, either, due to bandwidth considerations). Just a preview treat until the regular audiocast is posted.
UPDATE: I hit the bandwidth wall, sorry. The quality kinda sucked anyway.
is there a liveblog
is there a liveblog transcript of this? can't find it...
xo trace
++++++++++
sweetney.com
email me
LiveBlog I found
The url had a mistake in it, here is Patricia’s post: http://insnarkville.com/?p=121#more-121
karianna.clubmom.com
mommyblogs....
It is such a hot button issue is it not?
The blogverse in its entirety is amazing. My dh reads a gajillion of them....pertaining to areas HE is interested in.
He teased me a bit about my blog when I started it..but really feels it is a good thing and has no issues really with it.
Mommyblogging seems to fill that void that our society does not fill. The need for community and neighbourliness and communications amongst mothers.
As mentioned....mommyblogging is the closest to the truth you will get about being a mother, a woman, and so on...
We all realized the books and magazines painted far too pretty a picture and that we are all different.
Being a woman is not 'one' thing..we are all different,with different lifestyles, needs, wants, issues, etc.
blogging lets us see this and share and talk about all this...with the one common thread...children in the centre of it all.
I think mommyblogging is the best way to stop the old stereotypes about motherhood and our lack of brains or having anything worthwhile to say.
I think it teaches that we are all dynamic and opinionated human beings and that our brains are not shut off the moment we push out a small being from our foo foo's.
Granted...somedays I do feel like a brainless dork...but don't we all!
These blogs do show how polarized we are sometimes. How we seem to carry so much anxiety regarding ourselves and our roles in life.
How we worry about judgement. How we compare ourselves. How we struggle with our chosen paths.
Maybe the best thing to come from all these mom blogs is the fact that we can learn that no matter how different we are...we are all women...and that is all that matters.
Mommy Bloggers in the Lusosphere
Hello,
Just to let you know that I quoted this debate in an article I just posted at Global Voices.
Thanks!
Jose.
*Lusosphere = Portuguese speaking blogosphere
Thanks Jose!
Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette