Some Schoolin' About Homeschooling

Mary, I could talk your ear off about the joys of homeschooling, but that's what blogs are for ( http://liltinghouse.clubmom.com/the_lilting_house/... ). I just wanted to respond to a couple of things you said-about that "free to write a novel" thought, I'd like to reassure you that if you did decide to homeschool, it wouldn't necessarily rule out any writing (or other) dreams you might have. I've published eight novels (and a few picture books) in eight years while homeschooling my ever-growing family. Just gave birth to our fifth baby six weeks ago and am putting the final polish on novel number nine this month. I'm no Supermom, not by a long shot, but our homeschooling lifestyle allows so much freedom and flexibility, not to mention boatloads of inspiration for my work.

You wrote, "His big concern is our children's happiness. He wants them to grow up inquisitive and happy." This was what propelled my husband and me toward home education in the first place, also. I wanted my kids to grow up *loving* learning, not feeling like history was dull and math a drag. We have a great time together, and it's a mellow, joyful lifestyle. I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.

Melissa Wiley
Here in the Bonny Glen ( http://melissawiley.typepad.com )
Visit my new ClubMom blog ( http://liltinghouse.clubmom.com ) on homeschooling!

Mary, I had to laugh when I read your sentence about being FREE when the kids go to school. I think many parents would disagree! Your parenting duties change and perhaps you have a little more free time, but you really become a slave to the school system and your childrens' extra-curricular activities.

I unschool my children and I think it's the ultimate in freedom. My son is free to explore any topic that lights his fire. He is learning to teach himself, basically! And that's an extremely valuable skill when you consider that the public schools churn out whole lotta kids that really can't think for themselves (IMO).

You will probably notice that homeschooling parents have a TON to say on this topic. I won't clog up your comments here, but I'd like to say that homeschooling is probably the best thing any parent can do for a child.

Thanks for the post Mary! I had to laugh when I read the comment about "the image of homeschool parents having it 'all together' is kind of intimidating ... ." If ONLY you could see my house right now!
I used to believe that too until I started shadowing some homeschooling moms prior to deciding that this was the way to go for our family. I realized that their families were just like any other family, except that maybe homeschooling families have a bit more dining room clutter from being used as a classroom.

I'm very happy with our choice but I realize that it isn't for everybody. It's awesome that it's growing and that more people are aware of the option and its benefits. The carnival is a fantastic idea!

Dana
www.mamalogues.com ( http://www.mamalogues.com )
Since Eve on ClubMom ( http://sinceeve.clubmom.com )

I was thinking more about this, and the image of homeschool parents having it "all together" is kind of intimidating. I feel it when I talk to others homeschoolers in my church. I didn't want anybody to know how some of my days went until I was invited over and found out her kids were just like mine. Polite and well-mannered for strangers. Normal kids with mom. One of the articles from the carnival I really appreciated was the dessert ( http://whyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2006/05/classica... ) offered by Why Homeschooling. If anybody in the Home School community is perceived as "having it all together" it is Susan Wise Bauer with her well known book, "The Well Trained Mind."

He provides excerpts from her journal that shows her days run like ours. Interruptions, human temperaments and things that just aren't planned. Like mine. The first year is the toughest. Part of that is that you have to learn a lot. But most of it is just misgivings, doubts, fears that perhaps you are going to mess up your child (as if the degree makes someone better equipped to raise your child than your bond of love) and lack of support. I really think it is primarily lack of confidence that leads people to give up on it...and never to try it for a lot of people.

I was terrified when I started last year. I almost don't count last year as a year because we did so little. I was pregnant most of the year and had a rough time of it. I was so exhausted that we didn't get to much and I always felt guilty that we weren't doing the activities I had hoped. I had all these great ideals of field trips and community learning and found I could hardly get out of bed to feed the children. My daughter was incredibly helpful and I thinked she learned a lot about character. And at the end of the year, she was on track in reading and math and had no trouble with her first grade materials when we started this year. Maybe she could have been further along, but that isn't my main objective in education.

One woman says she feels like she never had an education until she started homeschooling. All of a sudden a new world opened for her that she had never seen before. She understood things that seemed pointless in school and couldn't wait to move forward in the work...she sat down at the table and just did it right alongside her children because she didn't know it all either.

My oldest, on the otherhand, loves to tell people just how much fun she is having. When she interviewed for a job recently she told the boss she only does about 30 minutes of school work a day. Ack! It's true, she does, but that's because she's FINISHED with school for the year - except for reading a few books that were on our list (we skipped them in favor of other books) and an SAT prep class she's taking. Officially, the school district thinks she's passed 10th grade.

She made it sound like she does nothing all day except sleep, play her guitar, watch TV, read, paint and listen to music.

And, in her blog, a couple of times this year, she wrote about how she spends too much time watching TV and doesn't really do much school work. Well geez, she only watches a little TV (compared to her friends) and it's spread out through the day. What she's really trying to say, is that she doesn't have to spend 8 hours in a school building and then come home and do 2 hours of homework. 10 hours a day (or more) of public school and homework IS a lot - she just doesn't have to put those kinds of hours into school at home or homeschool (we do both).

She really just likes to annoy the away from home schoolers and puzzle adults who are clueless about homeschooling. She's like that. ;-)

~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise ( http://flamingohouse.blogs.com )

Aw, thanks Denise! :D

My big kids would be the first to tell you they *are* having fun! You couldn't pay them to go to school. And they like money.

(Well, my oldest is technically graduated and he has a job, so maybe that doesn't count.)

In fact, sometimes when they are talking to their schooled friends, they actively downplay some of the advantages. (sleeping in, staying up until you are actually tired, practising guitar as long as you want, reading all afternoon, baking up a storm in the kitchen...)

Yeah, and overall I'm having a blast too!

And I don't mind speaking up and saying how it is at our house. I have a friend who lives across town, next door to another homeschooling family. She always thought she could never homeschool becuase her neighbours did a rigorous school-at-home approach (and expensive too). When she saw how it worked in our house, which runs a lot more like her house, it gave her plenty food for thought, and she knew that if she wanted to or had, she now could.

While you're researching, you might look into "unschooling" which is sort of the polar opposite of rigorous academics. I imagine it works well with some kids and not others. One of my favorite Unschooled characters has a blog at http://royalepain.blogspot.com and also has lots of other information out there at http://www.homestead.com/peaceandcarrots/ where you can find descriptions of the house she built single-handedly when she was 16, and her bicycle trip from Florida to California, and lots of other stuff about unschooling. She's currently out hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, so isn't updating for the summer.

One of the most knowledgeable kids I work with regularly has been completely unschooled. He knows far more than I do about most of the primitive skills we teach. He's only 11, but if I was lost in the woods, I'd be lucky to have him with me.

Good luck!
DeAnna
Last Track ( http://www.whoaphotos.com/blog )

Andrea's blog is one of those homeschool blogs that convinced me I was doing the right thing in taking Michelle out of school and that I could successfully educate her, and ummm not screw her up more than the schools had. (atypical life, big yellow house, mental multivitamin, my bountiful life, classic adventures... gosh, I could go on and on. I think I need to blog this instead!)

~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise ( http://flamingohouse.blogs.com )

Your comments are thoughtful (and funny, too!) Thank you so much for letting us know your thoughts from an insider's perspective.

You all make homeschooling sound like a lot of fun. And what a great way to really know your kids! I'm sure not every day is easy, but I'm picturing lots of fun, interesting discussions, and unique opportunities for the parents to re-learn the joy of learning, too.

Food for thought, definitely. Thank you for that.

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/mommy-family )
Mom Writes ( http://marytsao.blogspot.com )

I used to work in the public schools around here, and I know my kids could get a good education there. I didn't choose to homeschool because I didn't think that would work, but because I knew what the school could give them and what I could give them, and decided to go with what I could do. It's been six years now, and so far, so good.
The first time I considered homeschooling my eldest was three, and it was the same situation as you describe - my husband (at the time) came home and suggested I think about this. I looked at him like he'd just grown another head. I had a busy three year old and a newborn. An image popped into my head, of me walking up the steps into our house, carrying my firstborn, and then emerging, stooped and grey, blinking in the sunlight, eighteen years later.
Needless to say, life isn't that grim. I DO get out of the house, frequently by myself even!
Sometimes I do feel like life is passing me by, but when I think about the years behind me I wouldn't trade one of them for anything. So I keep going, taking it one year at a time. I don't think homeschooling is something everyone should be doing, but I'd hate to think the reason people resist it is that it looks to hard. It IS too hard...but life is, isn't it?

hi! I've been a homeschooling mom for 12 years now and wouldn't have it any other way. My oldest is going to college in the fall. I thought I'd comment on some of the misconceptions to help ease your mind.

- homeschoolers do not have to follow a rigorous course of study. Some states have many regulations, but the final course of study and how you do it is usually up to you. Really, when it comes down to it, in some places there so much freedom it hardly seems legal. Please check your state laws, you may be surprised.

- you don't have to be Super Mom and you don't have to spend all day with the kids either. Some days my kids aren't even *home*. And for what it's worth, pre-school-aged kids are very trying and demanding; it gets better as they get older, regardles of where they are.

- preschool, kindergarten, grade 1 are hands down the easiest grades to teach at home. An hour a day, tops. It's far easier to start off and maybe put them in public school, than it is to pull them out. (although I do understand what you mean about having to try)

And Liz, I can guarantee the amount of time you spend shuffling your kids around to and from all their schools and to activities is far more than you would spend actively teaching then at home. Heck, the average time school kids spend on just homework is all you really need to spend homeschooling them. Think about how much time in school is "wasted"; ie: recess, shuffling back and forth to class, attendance, maanging unruly students, explaining the same concept until 85% of the class gets it - oops! bell rung!

Oh, and I would try and find some more relaxed homeschoolers out there to talk to. Some homeschoolers do have an intensely acedemic approach, but every family is different. There's no one "right" way to do it.

I don't do school at home. My kids are more self-directed, and homeschooling is probably better described as home tutoring. If you can help your kid with their homework, you CAN homeschool!

A good book to read about real education (and figure out what that means to you) is Guerila Learning. It's not a homeschooling book per se, but it does include it as an option.

I would most certainly argue that my kid's natural love of learning, that innate curiosity they are born with, has been kept alive by keeping them home. :) (but not sheltered - when public school gets out, my phone is ringing off the hook!)

uh, and no - I'm not some denim-jumper wearing uber mom, I'm even ADD! And if I can homeschool and not screw up the kids too bad, then anyone can! My kids tell people they are not saving for college, they're saving for therapy. ;)

- http://atypicalife.net/blog/ There's my blog, which is much funnier than this comment. Really.

I'd be happy to talk more about this too, even by email. (which might be a good idea, because I may forget to check back here. See above where I mentioned "ADD". ;) )

I guess the bottom line is: can you screw them up at home worse than the schools can?

Let's see...which way to go? The research on homeschooling or the notion that "I could never do that?" Here's some
Link Text ( http://www.hslda.org/research/default.asp )pretty good resarch to start with. That takes care of that.

First, let me state clearly that homeschooling is a very personal decision and is completely up to the parents involved. I have strong views on education, and what I feel is right for MY family. I don't want anyone to misinterpret anything I say as homeschooling being the only way for Christians or concerned parents or anything like that.

But you might be surprised what you are capable of if you feel the conviction. Have you heard of Lorenzo's Oil? Lorenzo's parents found a cure for a terminal illness that scores of researchers in well-funded laboratories could not find because of their love and commitment to their children. I also used to think that homeschoolers were nutty...that probably does apply to me, but I do not fit the stereotype. It is because (in my opinion) it is an option that we never considered for ourselves. Of course our kids would go to school. That's just what they do. So if they don't they aren't "normal." With increasing statistics showing what awful things "normal" kids get up to, I think that might be a good thing. My days are not rigid. We take advantage of every day things...cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc. I'm trying to inspire in my children the love of learning and the recognition that interesting things are all around us. We learn a lot "by the wayside." I have a plan, but I do not have it "all together." The people I thought did...well, they just looked that way until I got to know them. Then I realized they had the same concerns and fears as I did. They just didn't show it. Wake up call to me when some of them thought I had it together.

One of the unexpected blessings of homeschooling has been in my husband's crazy schedule. We can stop when he's home and pick up when he is gone. If there is some interesting activity we can refocus our day to include some real life learning. If things aren't going well, we can just break for awhile...or pull out something lighter. Right now, we are doing a unit on children's games and having fun learning a little history, art, domino math and some new games.

Homeschooling also is not what it was 20 years ago. You are not without support. There are local groups and egroups. There are a plethora of curriculum choices. Some provide texts, tests, teacher manuals, tests...you can even opt to send tests back to the company for grading. Most go with an eclectic mix to suit their families (that text book stuff would drive me crazy...it did when I taught!).

OK, this turned out a little longer than I intended. And not so well focused, but I'd be happy to answer any questions. Here when I get back or over at Link Text ( http://gottsegnet.blogspot.com )Principled Discovery.

...before my husband brought it up. Now, after doing more research about it, I am starting to see the benefits. Sometimes I understand the benefits after simply talking to friends who have their children in public schools. Ugh. The bureaucracy, the BS, the bullies... And that's just the Bs!

Will we do it? I honestly can't say. My husband actually does want to "retire" by that time and he seems excited about homeschooling. I can only assume he understands the curriculum requirements that you write of, DeAnna.

His big concern is our children's happiness. He wants them to grow up inquisitive and happy. Whether or not homeschooling is the key to inquisitive and happy kids, I don't know. I think most homeschool educators would argue that it is.

All I know at this point is that I first must *try* the public school system. I have a feeling the question of whether or not it's working will become quickly obvious. At least, that's what I hope. And if homeschooling starts looking like a viable option, I imagine I'll become excited about it. But right now--after changing diapers and filling sippy cups all day--the promise of Kindergarten sure smells sweet...

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/mommy-family )
Mom Writes ( http://marytsao.blogspot.com )

I can certainly understand and appreciate DeAnna's experience -- and am still admiring parents like Denise -- homeschooling families have to follow a rigorous course of study, which pretty much scared the heck out of me, quite frankly. And the homeschoolers in my area have a huge support system which, I believe, is certainly a big help.

I have four kids going to four different schools and, believe me, getting them there and back pretty much takes a huge chunk of my time. Not to mention homework, school projects, after school activities...etc...

Daughters #2 (she's ten) is in the G&T program in her school and I'm very happy with the level of her education...her experiences socially, however, not so much.

Daughter #1 (she's twelve) is in Honors classes in middle school and both her and I were quite surprised at how well she's enjoying it.

Then, there's my seven year old son...he hates school. And, I can't blame him. I'm not very impressed with his teachers, thus far, and their policies regarding bullying (a major problem at this school) is inconsistent, at best.

My youngest girl is starting Kindergarten in the same school in September and, to be honest, I'm not looking forward to it.

I'm so glad that Mary opened this forum as I, as a mom pretty much on the fence when it comes to homeschooling, would love to hear what other homeschoolers have to say.

--------------------------------------------
For more from Liz Thompson, read:
C.E. Fashion & Shopping ( http://www.blogher.com )
This Full House ( http://thisfullhouse.com )
The Imperfect Parent ( http://imperfectparent.com )

Hi,

Homeschooling doesn't necessarily mean that you are solely responsible for the content of your children's learning. It just means you get to have final say in what they learn (did you know that you can't legally opt out of a specific lesson that they teach in public school? Let's say that they're having a section in Science about gender that you're uncomfortable with, or disagree with. Or maybe you disagree with teaching Creationism in school. Or maybe you disagree with teaching Evolution in school. Too bad for you. You do not have final say in what your child is taught.)

I currently work as an Instructor with the Wilderness Awareness School (at www.wildernessawareness.org ( http://www.wildernessawareness.org ), if you're curious) that specifically works with homeschool kids teaching community-building, consensus decision-making, self-reliance, and problem-solving (and lots of other stuff, like biology and math) in the context of outdoor education. There's a once a month version, a once a week version, and a 3 days a week version. It's inquiry-based and student-led.

I also work with public school kids in an occasional 2 or 3 day camp. While both populations are a blast to work with, the homeschool kids are almost always more self-sufficient, quicker to try out solutions they've thought of themselves, less likely to have big ol' attitudes, and more likely to be open and friendly with all of their classmates.

Just my 2 cents,
Peace,
DeAnna
Last Track ( http://www.whoaphotos.com/blog )

I'm crazy - I pulled my middle school daughter out of public school at the end of her 8th grade year. We've done a combination of homeschool/school-at-home for the last two years and wonder why we ever waited so long to do it.

I use to think homeschool moms were crazy. And I was probably right. I'm happy to be considered crazy for homeschooling a high schooler. And someone will have to console me next year when she goes off to college for half of the day.

Yea, I'm crazy.

~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise ( http://flamingohouse.blogs.com )

A few years ago -- minus two children and adding a couple of thousand brain cells more than I have, to date -- my husband also suggested that perhaps we should look into homeschooling.

And I did.

I surfed online, ordered tons of reading material and even visited with our local chapter of homeschoolers-r-us and was even invited into the private home of a homeschooling family - complete with a third floor addition dedicated to their schooling needs.

I was very impressed with the homeschooling families I had met in person, as well as online, admired their committment, their show of support for each other and thought to myself, "Oh...hell no!"

As a SAHM to four kids, my ownself, I just couldn't see myself being able to get to that level -- whatever it is -- that it takes to be able to homeschool my children.

Don't even start me on my disciplining skills...or, lack thereof.

Oy!

But, then again, homeschooling beats the hell out of having to deal with the cliques, in-your-face parent/teacher groups and playground bullies...I'm still thinking.

Great post!
--------------------------------------------
For more from Liz Thompson, read:
C.E. Fashion & Shopping ( http://www.blogher.com )
This Full House ( http://thisfullhouse.com )
The Imperfect Parent ( http://imperfectparent.com )