Babysitters: Have we yet reached gender equality?
by Jennifer Satterwhite

Contributing editor Jenn also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers.

Most of us with children have at one time or another been put in a position to leave our children in the care of someone else. Many parents have a mental checklist of what they look for in a babysitter.

Age.
Qualifications.
Location.
Maturity.
Sex.

Sex? When you are considering hiring someone to take care of your children, do you take into consideration the gender of the person you are considering hiring or is that irrelevant if they have met all of your other qualifications? Does it or does it not matter?

Carmen who blogs at Mom to the Screaming Masses started a fantastic discussion on her blog about just this topic. She uses two male babysitters and had a "concerned reader" commenting on the safety of that. She, however, adores her babysitters and stands by her decision in babysitters.

The two boys that I use for sitters are not, in fact, boys. They are twin college students that I have known since we moved into our neighborhood....With these boys, I know my kids are played with, watched over, and get most of their energy out.

Male or female, the two babysitters are the perfect match for her family. It works. The kids are happy. The parents are happy. The babysitters are happy.

But back to the original question. Why is there even a question about gender? Carmen was not going to just defend her position by saying, "I have no problem with it." She researched the entire issue. (Check out the entry for the shocking information she came up with. The short story: Male babysitters are certainly not on the high end of the danger zone for childcare workers.

I think she made an amazing point when describing her opinions on this whole issue and her adoration for her babysitters.

They sit for the families in our neighborhood, and have for years. My children adore them, and in particular it's very nice for Nikolas. He gets an older guy to toss the football with, to wrestle with, and to just talk to. Not only that, Nikolas is beginning to babysit some. Should I tell him that he can't sit for other people's children, just because he's male? Does that mean that I shouldn't leave my kids with their father, or their grandfather, or uncle? What about a male teacher?

Does it matter? Should a male automatically be crossed off of your list simple because of his gender?

If you said yes, tell me why. Why do you feel that strongly about it?

If you said no, have you ever used a male babysitter? Is it a case of not having the situation present itself or because in theory you agree that gender shouldn't matter but in reality you still feel a bit uncomfortable?

Talk to me. Does gender matter?

image courtesy of spired.com

Submitted by Jennifer Satterwhite (view blog) on Mon, 06/05/2006 - 5:56pm
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Comments

 

Male nannies are hip, at least in London

When I was living in London, one of my male friends was a nanny - at the time, having a male nanny (or "Manny" as they were referred to in the newspapers - yes, it was discussed in The Times and in The Guardian) was considered to be really cutting edge and desirable, particularly if you had sons. My friend was adored by the kids and parents, particularly because he could do "guy stuff" with the boys.

Jules

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Australia, New Zealand & Oceania
Dragongirl blog

Submitted by Jules on Mon, 06/05/2006 - 18:26
 

The stereotypes still exist

I find it sad that someone would automatically assume a male babysitter would be an abuser. My sons would love it.

I would be thrilled to find any babysitter, male or female, that I liked and trusted.

Submitted by chris on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 03:40
 

I confess to being biased

I want to tell you that I would use a male babysitter... but I just don't know if I would.

And this does NOT mean that I am disparaging Carmen's (or anyone else's, for that matter) choice, or that I feel I have an overarching, compelling argument for it. It just means that I probably won't.

The best explanation I can offer is that, around here, babysitters are young teens; middle school or high school. And I do believe that girls mature faster than boys as a general rule. So, would I use a 14-year-old boy? Probably not. But I don't have the same issue with a 14-year-old girl.

If you presented me with a mature, responsible, old-enough young man who wanted to babysit, would I use him? Maybe. I don't know. It's so out of the realm of my experience that it's hard to picture.

On the other hand, we've had great male camp counselors and even the occasional guy at daycare. But when you're talking about a SINGLE person solely responsible for my kids, in my house, I confess my vision narrows a bit.

And I think in the grand scheme, it's wrong that I feel that way; but when it comes to my kids I honor what makes me uncomfortable.

--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

At Ty's Toy Box: Listen to your Mommy!

Submitted by Mir Kamin on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 05:55
 

So many variables

I don't discriminate among babysitters based on a single variable. But I will admit that I am really damn picky, and perhaps my pickiness might be interpreted as sexism or ageism. I'm much less concerned about how my choices are perceived than with my comfort level regarding the person caring for my children - and it sounds like Carmen is of the same mind.

Submitted by mothergoosemouse on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 11:26
 

I'm with Mir. I probably

I'm with Mir. I probably wouldn't use a male babsitter, but that decision is more based on emotion than reality. I think Carman made a great decision and I wish I could be like her. But I realize I probably couldn't do it. And then I have a few memories tucked in the back of my head that would preclude me from that decision also. But really, it's still an emotional thing.

But I hate that I am like that.

Space and Time

Submitted by manicmom on Wed, 06/07/2006 - 07:37
 

Boy babysitters

I have used very few babysitters in my day. I've had live-in nanny's/housekeepers but no more than 3 "babysitters" and all 3 while living in northern California.

2 of the sitters were teen girls, my children adored them both. The third was a teen boy and my children didn't just adore him, they worshipped every hair on his head and every bone in his body. If they could have tossed me aside in favor of James, they would have. In fact if he had been able to drive and had a full time job, I'm sure they'd have followed him home and refused to leave.

I also loved it when James came to babysit. He brought a twist to their lives, and to mine. He always had a new joke or a new way of looking at things. And he was never ever the kind of sitter who turned on the TV, propped them up in front of it til bedtime and than raided the kitchen once they were gone. He was too good for that.

I got soooo much CRAP from women about using a boy babysitter. They liked the family, they even liked him, but they would NEVER trust a boy to babysit. EVER. For any reason. One woman pulled me aside and explained that she had been sexually assaulted by a male babysitter ummm and that effects me how? and my children, how? I, of all people, understand the scars that are left behind but give me a break - holding all male babysitters responsible for the actions of one (or a few) is ridiculous.

James, wherever you are... thank you very much.

~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise

Submitted by Denise on Wed, 06/07/2006 - 12:10