Must-have Products for Raising Sluts

DoctorMama was elated to read that the FDA approved an HPV (Human Papillomavirus) vaccine that prevents cervical cancer. And then surprised to read that some people believe giving the vaccine to young women may encourage them to engage in premarital sex.

In her article Virginity or Death, Katha Pollitt writes, "Raise your hand if you think that what is keeping girls virgins now is the threat of getting cervical cancer when they are 60 from a disease they've probably never heard of."

With tongue in cheek, DoctorMama explores other useful inventions that "might also have the potential to make sluts out of innocent girls." For example:

"Softpaws. Now, these are a terrific invention. They keep people from having the tips of their cats' fingers guillotined, they help save furniture, and they look adorable. But if you examine it carefully, this product may not be so innocent. Think about it: what kind of pets do unmarried women tend to keep? That's right, cats. And soft-hearted young women are less likely to sign their kitties up for declawing. But this means that they have to keep a close eye on Mrs. Fluffy or risk ruining the nice afghan they've crocheted for the hope chest. But once they've slapped on a set of Softpaws, they can go gallivanting off into the night worry-free ... and soon they're fallen women.

Champion Double-Dry Seamless sports bras. Once I discovered these, I wanted to pitch all my old running bras. These don't chafe, don't pinch, keep you cool, and most important, eliminate The Bounce. What more could a girl want? Well. I don't think I need to tell you that anything that makes it more comfortable to run around in public half-naked is a one-way ticket to losing your precious flower.

Marsona white noise machine. My life was immensely improved by one of these devices. No more kicking poor TrophyHusband all night, no being woken up by the skateboarders heading down the street for their midnight extreme boarding. Perhaps sleeping peacefully in one's own bed seems unlikely to result in a girl's downfall. True, if you're talking about the girl. But what if it's her mother who uses it (as is most likely, after all)? This is clearly a recipe for disaster. Because if a girl knows her parents can't hear her climbing out her bedroom window, what's to stop her from doing so? Next thing you know, she's servicing all the boys on the block while her parents slumber on unawares."

Quick, moms! Time to do a sweep of your house to rid it of these slut-inducing products before your impressionable young daughters realize that these products--oh, and the HPV vaccine--mean that naughty is the new nice.

Sigh.

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BlogHer Contributing Editor Mary Tsao also blogs at Mom Writes.

Image credit: Top Tattoo Designs

Submitted by Mary Tsao (view blog

) on Thu, 06/22/2006 - 7:40pm

Posted In

Mommy & Family

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Good topic, Mary

It's maddening to me that something that would save lives would be denied for the implications behind it. The whole reason why HPV is a problem in the first place is because women don't know about it. I consider the vaccine a wake-up call rather than an invitation to do the nasty.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause

Submitted by Jory Des Jardins on Thu, 06/22/2006 - 20:07

Thanks for the giggle

But thanks more for the good message. Silliest objection to a vax that I've heard yet.

(And Softpaws? I'm going to check that out! I may be persuaded to get another cat after all.)

Submitted by mothergoosemouse on Thu, 06/22/2006 - 20:15

WWMVD? [What Would My Vagina Do?]

filthy whores.

eye-rollingly,
xo trace
++++++++++
sweetney.com
email me

Submitted by sweetney on Thu, 06/22/2006 - 20:37

Are they on crack or just plain crazy?

I've been following this closely, since one of the scientists involved is an Aussie (who was named Australian of the Year this year - unusual for us to pick someone who is smart over say, a sporting person, for Australian of the Year!).

The Federal Govt here is considering making this vaccine available to all 12 year old girls as part of the school vaccine program, and it is something that makes me glad that female health issues are getting attention & funding.

As for the whole "this vaccine will turn girls into sluts" argument... when I heard it, all I could think was "yeah, right. Because when I got vaccinated for tetanus, the first thing I wanted to do was go stick a rusty nail through my hand because I was now immune." Completely ridiculous.

Jules

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Australia, New Zealand & Oceania
Dragongirl blog

Submitted by Jules on Thu, 06/22/2006 - 21:17

I've talked about this

I've talked about this before, but I'm undergoing my second round of treatment for cervical cancer that started with HPV. I'm thirty and looking at a complete hysterectomy. I cringe when I think about people not wanting a vaccine that could not only save lives, but save the quality of life for some people. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for education. I've thankfully only gotten support when I blog about it. Sticking your head in the sand won't make this go away.

Space and Time

Submitted by manicmom on Fri, 06/23/2006 - 01:38

let's use sound logic

i am a Bible-thumping fundamentalist. and i believe sex belongs strictly within the confines of a male/female marriage. i also realize that my daughter may make different decisions than i would want her to make (and even different than she would hope to make). even Bible-thumping Christians fail. additionally, who promises me she will never be sexually assaulted, or that her husband will be a virgin? - so i intend to discuss this with her, and i expect she will agree that being vaccinated has nothing to do with her beliefs about sexual morality. - however, i think this tetanus/rusty nail argument is a bit ludicrous, and an example of poor reasoning. if any of you found, or find, the idea of impaling yourself with rusty nails as tempting as having sex, you have my sympathy!

Submitted by itsme on Tue, 08/01/2006 - 09:08