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Been dating The Boyfriend for about a month now, and we have not had sex. Well... OK, that depends on your definition of sex. To be accurate, I should say we haven't had intercourse. (Ah, that great, romantic word.)
How much do I hate that I now think of this as "The Bill Clinton" method?
First off, I asked him to get tested. For all the good stuff, you know? And then, if you ask, you have to do, but I want to go to my OB/GYN, so my appointment isn't for a few weeks. He's all clear, and I haven't even gotten in to see my doctor. In the meantime, yes, there has been nakedness (hooray for nakedness!) and various activities that definitely live in the world of sex.
I know girls who hold oral as more intimate than intercourse. But that's not me. Sex - all the way sex - holds meaning for me. And connection. And power. And vulnerability. And intimacy.
It's simply not something I rush into, even as my sheer humanity and sexuality cry out for satisfaction. So, I compromise. For a while, I'm an Everything But.
And I was trying to wrap my mind around it all, and busting my brain over what was right and best and if it was silly to hold intercourse over all else. Maybe it is. But it's a line for me. It is different. It is more.
I realized that my annoyingly distant OB/GYN appointment is actually a blessing. An intensely frustrating blessing. Because as much as I want it, I'm not quite ready. I want a few more weeks of get to know you before Get To Know You.
If we had sex now, I'm afraid that my emotions and my fears would get away from me. A new relationship makes your life footing feel unsteady. I guess I like to get to know the ship a little before I take it out for a major spin. Get a feel for where we're going.
When we do have sex, there will be condoms. I bought some the other day just to see what it felt like to buy them and have them. It's been a long time since I've held a condom in my hand, but I've learned that even with testing, it's just the smart way to go in a new relationship.
I'm feeling good about the timeline. I'm feeling good about having an appointment where I can talk to my doctor and ask questions. I'm feeling good that The Boyfriend is OK with waiting.
But I know we both wish it was August.
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
