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I have been working on this topic for a while now, trying to find a correlation between race, individuality and liberation....oh and tattoos.
Let me start with why I wanted to write about this. My best friend and I are tattoo freaks. We recently found this fantastic tattoo artist and he has drawn some incredibly artistic work for my friend. For me, he designed a Mexican-inspired, very simple ring (at the time I was depressed and thought that no man would ever buy me a ring, so I had one tattooed).
My friend has some serious work done, but during one conversation about men and dating, we both wondered if our tattoos and the future ones be both plan to get, would keep us out of the dating game - well, we are pretty much out, anyway. Last year at my grandmother's 92nd birthday celebration, my cousin looked at the Idinka symbol on my right hand and asked me if I was a Lesbian. I had to explain that one had nothing to do with the other.
We are both self-admitted weirdos: Me with my penchant for Heavy Metal and playing air-guitar in the confines of my apartment, she's a Sci-Fi geek who loves British Two-Step and Drum and Bass. So on top of our ecletic tastes, we both surmised that our appearance and tattoos were a way to celebrate our individuality, despite having some concerns about fitting into the limited perceptions of what black woman in their mid-thirties should be doing with their lives.
Last weekend I went to Kingston, ON to visit my parents. While I was getting into my dad's car to catch a bus back to Toronto, my mother touched the tattoo on my back and said, "Is that permanent?" I rolled my eyes and said, "yes, mother. So are the ones on my hands." As I did over ten years ago, when she licked her finger and tried to rub THE SAME tattoo off, I had explained to her that it would not come off with saliva. She has admitted that she has a hard time remembering things these days, so I didn't remind her of her previous attempt.
These days, everyone has tattoos. Regardless of ethnicity, they are a way for people to express themselves. But how common is it for black women to get a full sleeve done? Several black R&B singers and female Hip-Hop artists are inked, but it is still a rarity in my little slice of the world. And while I have decided that I am going to get a large back piece done, I still struggle with it.
My insecurity comes from attending black networking events for business purposes and not "fitting in," watching young men and women, dressed in their crisp Linen suits and pearls look at me sideways.It also comes from the dissaproving glances from the elderly black folks that live in my building. My desire for tattoos has become a love/hate relationship, a way to say to the naysayers, "F#$K you," but also the realization that I will never be able to conform into what part of me defines as "normal." Being yourself is more difficult that I imagined it would be.
Just like the debate over black hairstyles (natural or relaxed?)and the racialization of musical genres, there is a not-so-subtle stream of consiousness that dictates what black people - especially black women should behave. We frown upon highly-sexuallized vixens, such as Lil'Kim or Trina, yet there are alot of people who can't conform to the images and / or philosophy we see in the pages of Essence or Ebony. We can't all move to the upper-middle class predominately black enclaves in Atlanta or Houston, or buy a townhouse in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, and we all can't look like Halle Berry or Beyonce.
So I'll continue pondering why, even though visiting Daniel, our tattoo guy is so much fun, there is still a sense of aloneness, of making a mistake that will further push me out of the community where even though I am one of them, I still feel like an outsider. I'll get back to you.
