an unfinished house

Do you ever feel like if people really SEE you, they won't like what they see? If you are fully known, you won't be liked? I feel that about myself, and I know it's not a unique feeling to me....more

the big letdown of life

My first love broke up with me. His parting words were, "You just want too much, and I don't know how to give it to you." I still think about those words, all these years later. They burnt then and I'm kind of embarrassed to say that they still do ....more

update

Inflamed/wonky milk duct. Hallelujah!!! ...more

risk-inherent

My appointment and breast biopsy (from what I understand they will be doing) is tomorrow at 8:20.I was just thinking about how uncertain life is. We think we are going to do all of these things, buy Easter candy on clearance for next year, get the kids a size bigger for next fall, plan a vacation where we will drive next to miles of flax and freesia with the windows down, hoping we can make it to the next rest stop before a child gets car sick and vomits up the Remains of one too many Happy Meals.I'm scared, if I will be honest with you. I'm scared that the doctor will find cancer in my breast and it's already spread ....more

why it's hard to calm down about breast cancer when the odds have not been kind to me

I felt a lump on my breast in the shower last week some time. I sat on it for a day or two, thinking I was being paranoid. I finally called the doctor, but my doctor wasn't available and the only one who was is a doctor who would probably perform a double mastectomy in the office if I asked him to ....more

Eight things learned at jury duty.

So jury duty today was much more entertaining than I expected. I was not chosen to be on the jury but learned the following things: 1. Way too many people have been assaulted....more

watch your words

The other night I was so extremely frustrated with one of my children. Everything that child could do to push my buttons, make unnecessary messes, complain about things, make me want some wine at 3 pm, that child did.I was at the point where even looking at said child was causing me major anger. This child of mine came into the living room to hand something to his or her sibling and I exploded ....more

on writing a novel: you can't force the feeling

I've come to this space and stared at the blinking cursor, then backed away like a bulldog who got a whiff of dogcatcher net.The story I have been commissioned to write is a story that I didn't think would take this much out of me. I wake up in the morning and wonder why I feel so tired when I've slept all night. I feel less patient with my children and with Scott ....more

this is the sound of my head exploding

I have spent an hour trying to order a birthday present for a lifelong friend. I feel like I'm stuck in beaurocracy hell. We are going around in circles, and Lucy is sitting next to me, highly entertained by the fiasco ....more