Health disclaimers on your forehead should be required

All week I've been drinking tea to promote digestive health and to relieve the occasional constipation.This week, I learned that some teas taste disgusting and:Starbucks is just another place where I... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ...more

I desperately need a safe word just to get by

At this angle, I look like I have 12-year-old boy legs. Also, I may or may not have shaved those legs. Look away! ...more

Your family should love you enough to make you believe in a zombie apocalypse

I don't go to the dentist very often because when people put things in my mouth, I start to gag. Ugh. Make your dick jokes ....more

Is there an end to my humiliation at Starbucks?

Oh god. The one day, I actually regret wearing my everyday/fat/period/pregnancy cut-off sweats. I am waiting in line at Starbucks because these assholes have me hooked on their green tea.. ....more

What if Ewoks are really just made of marshmallows?

Carl has this blanket that I hate. It's not soft or warm or comforting in any way. It is the antithesis of what a blanket should be and I want to burn it....more

Smoking made me a pretentious loser with gross breath

I started smoking when I was 18. Like most kids that try it, that's all I wanted to do - try it. What was the big deal with this stuff anyway? ...more

What if I cleaned my house naked and let it all hang out?

This is what happens when you work from home and your research leads you to click on one thing and then another and another until you reach the... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ...more

Caution: this is what happens when you leave me alone with a journal

So it was 1993 or 1994? I'm not sure. When you get to be my age, events and years all just sort of blend together into one mushy, squishy, blurry movie reel ....more

The one where I'm Elaine from Seinfeld and the result is pretty much what you'd expect

Do you remember The Non-Fat Yogurt episode of Seinfeld where Elaine keeps eating non-fat yogurt because it's well, non-fat yogurt and she thinks she's doing her body a big favor? I've been doing the... [[ This is a content summary only ....more

This is why I never go anywhere without my trusty phone and Internet access

The 11-year-old needs help with math homework. I look over at Carl, but his excuse is already lined up. He doesn't need to put the toddler to sleep ....more