Gay and Married Guys: NYTimes takes a look
"I love her, but she wants me to be in love with her. She wants to be my one and only. Everything we have will be at risk if, God forbid, we divorce."
--A gay male quoted in a NYTimes story on gay men whose homosexuality is masked by marriages, children,suburbia.
Susan sez: This is a familiar theme in the blogosphere, and an interesting topic for the Times to cover (guess they read my favorite blogs,too, like coming out at 48).
Some data from the article: According to But Gary J. Gates, a demographer at the Williams Institute, a research group that studies gay issues at U.C.L.A.,the percentage of gay men who had ever been married could be as high as 38 percent â€” or as low as 9 percent â€” depending on whether respondents were asked their sexual orientation, whom they had sex with or whom they found attractive.
Of the 27 million American men currently married,1.6 percent, or 436,000, identify themselves as gay or bisexual.
Of the 75 million men who have ever been married, 1.8 percent, or 1.3 million, identify themselves that way.
But, in both cases, when the men are asked about behavior if they have ever had sex with men, the number of men who have ever been married doubles.
So which is worse, the homosexuality or the secrets? Marrying someone you don't have strong sexual feelings for (don't straight people do that too--seems like it--or the lying?) I'd say that the lying--the long-term lying--has to be corrosive, but so is falling in love with--and marrying someone who didn't bother to tell you an essential truth--their preference is for the other team.