Ashley Quite Frankly

I wanted to go out and change the world, but I couldn't find a babysitter.

I am the mom of boys, a word nerd, a font elitist, a crazy cat lady, a reluctant yogi, a hedgehog owner and a newspaper columnist. I write words for fun and for money and because I would probably spontaneously combust if I didn't.

Man in the Mirror

"Mom, did you know that scary thing Bloody Mary is supposed to make your face all bloody and pull you through the bathroom mirror?" little kid asked.I told him I did know because I was playing that game in third grade too and that it was just imaginary folklore kids use to scare each other."Seriously. How would that even work? Pulling someone through a mirror?" Big Kid asked."She would smash your head, I guess.""No ....more

End of an Era

On the eve of Easter, I was finishing up some work online when my 11-year-old appeared in the doorway....more

Marathon Runner

I had to pick Big Kid up early from school today because he has a fever, and now he's not allowed back for 24 hours (but they still want a doctor's note to excuse the absence...even though they are the ones who took his temperature and declared him sick.) I'm pretty sure he got the fever because I booked a long overdue hair appointment for the morning and those childhood spidey-senses set off the "Mom's doing something for herself" alarm which triggers an immune system reaction. So we're snuggled up on the couch watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit on Netflix....more

Feline File

A photo posted by Ashley McCann (@ashleyquitefrankly) on Apr 27, 2015 at 5:54pm PDT "What's up with the folder full of cat apps?" I asked little kid after downloading an update for his iPad. "Why? You got a problem with it? ...more

Super Stupid Powers

"If you could have any super power, what would it be?" little kid asked.This is one of his favorite questions. It is not the first time he's asked."Hmmm," I said, because an important part of parenting is feigning interest as often as possible. "I think I'd want the ability to see the future.""Why would you want that?" he asked with genuine confusion."I could win the lotto and avoid bad things and maybe play tricks on people.""You'd use your super power to win the lotto?""Yes ....more

Buddha the Crime Fighter

My kids are at such great ages. Not only are they easy, but they are hilarious and great conversationalists. I often hear news stories or podcasts that I can't wait to share with them because they are such interested little sponges of knowledge.Recently I heard a podcast on Criminal about a man who was tired of the area across from his house being a dumping spot for trash and a magnet for drug dealers and crime ....more

Assisted Fish Suicide

So nine million years ago, we won a fish at the fair. I don't know, maybe it was 3 or 4 years ago but same difference.Let me preface this by saying that I want to be a fish person. I like fish ....more

Polish Pick Up

Today as I was leaving the Dollar Store, a guy approached me as I was putting stuff into my trunk.It made me nervous. I figured he was either going to mug me, try to sell me something, or Jehovah's Witness me."Excuse me, ma'am? Are you from Poland?"What the hell? ...more


"We have to get some catnip for the cats for Easter," I told the boys."Isn't that like putting weed in an Easter basket?" Big Kid replied."What?!?" I was shocked that he said that. "Seriously?? Big Kid...if anyone is getting weed in their Easter basket it should be mommy."(Don't worry, I then went on to explain that I was totally kidding and drugs are bad ....more

Crazy People on Netflix

This is my soul sister, right here. I also like Netflix...I'm indifferent on birds. Birds flying around doing their own thing and being all beautiful? ...more