Foul-mouthed breeders in the house, yo

I'm probably a candidate for the bad mommy award on this score. We don't make a habit of swearing in front of our son (6 y.o.), but we don't worry overly much about when we do either. I've always believed the fussing about it is what makes it worse. As far as his use of "bad" words, every so often an "asshole" and "shit" emerge, and bad mom that I must be, as long as he is using them properly in context, I gotta say we don't get that upset. As in "boy mom that asshole cut you off" and "wow mom is that person an asshole or what" or "that was pretty shitty wasn't it."

Ah well... sometimes the swearing backfires :) :) resulting in slightly hilarious wiseacre toddlers:

"My dolly said f*#%," or, how I came to join the Family Friendly blogroll ( http://biliaryatresia.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-doll... )

- Amanda M
Imagine Bright Futures ( http://www.biliaryatresia.blogspot.com/ )

When, as mine does, your blog transcribes a lot of dialogue, or a lot of train of thought, sometimes using a "no-no" word is the only way to retain some authenticity - to make your writing read in the mind's ear the way you intend it to - you know, believable.

I wouldn't do anything for shock value alone, and I have no problem with clean language - so long as it sounds *right* in a sentence. If it doesn't, well, I tend to jump the fence rather than limit the integrity of my writing. And by integrity, I don't mean the Puritan kind.

After all, my blog isn't for my children, though I hope they might read it one day. But by the time they're old enough to relate to the meaning of my posts about them, they'll also be old enough to read a few choice words without crushing their belief in the good of humanity.

Margo
Of Fish and Family ( http://www.fishandfamily.com )

Having grown up in a very highly, extremely, and Superlatively Mormon household, I had the squeakiest clean vocabulary known to man. If there was an award for most creative UN-swearing, I would have won it every time. Even words like "butt" and "crap" and "suck" were totally out of bounds in our house.

The result, of course, is that I grew into an adult who can, at the drop of a hat, flip the switch on my inner potty mouth and use curse words so foul that even a sailor might have to look some of them up on wikipedia.

Of course, I'm extraordinarily careful to watch what I say around my precocious 3 year old, at play groups, and when around relatives or acquaintances with sensitive ears. The rest of the time, I reserve strong language for highly appropriate situations - like dropping the hammer on my foot, or stepping into a puddle of cat puke while blearily heading for the coffee pot at 6am.

I struggled with the blog issue once I realized some of my family reads it, and I was hesitant to use language that might show them a side of me they have never seen. In the end, though, I went with the most judicious path. I use swears the same way I would if I was having coffee with a girlfriend and our kids were playing in the next room. Only for emphasis, or if it's funny, and in tones that don't draw undue attention to the inherent "naughty-factor" of it all.

Because it's not the sixth grade, and using "fuck" is only worth it to me for shock value if it happens to be part of a sentence that also includes words like "elderly grandmother", "3-legged-dog" or, maybe "clown-car funeral procession". Stay At Aum Mom ( http://melkist.blogspot.com )

Oy gevalt! I am a big fan of using very salty language. Not creative? Please! It's only not creative when you don't pair various cuss words with other words for maximum effect, so instead of merely saying, "Shut the fuck up already," one might say, "Hey fuckwad, shut up already!" At any rate, sometimes I think I say "fuck" as often as I say "the." Maybe I should not be ashamed of it, but as a wimpy nerd, I have always found some craftily placed foul language torrents could make bullies go away. Usually because they assume you are crazy, but whatever works.

I do try to be very careful around kids though, and I admit that I cringed when I was walking down the street and passed by a woman (mother?) whose young charges were running too far ahead of her. She yelled after them, "What the shit are you in a rush for?" Creative, yes, but appropriate, no.

Suzanne ( http://www.blogher.com/member/suzanne ), BlogHer Contributing Editor - Feminsim & Gender ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

It's one more example of the Great American Pastime of Judging Mothers. If a kid is in a caring home where people are providing a nurturing environment, who the hell cares about a little bad language? If things get a bit too intensely "fuck this" and "fuck that," it could be a tad confusing for a child, as it is a societal norm for kids to refrain from using cuss words.

Does that mean the kids is damaged for life? Abused? Starving? Hardly. It means Mommy has a bad habit. (Daddy does, too, but nobody notices that.) It also means that the first time Little Boopy hears a kid swear, she will be underwhelmed and unimpressed.

And swearing when your kids aren't around? I contend that many mothers are more nurturing when they take the time to vent, and get a break from the demands of mothering. Next on the agenda will be condemning mothers with tattoos. Yet children of tattooed moms are bound to stay tattoo-free: it can't be cool if Mama did it. Have a martini with your swear words, and consider the word "Bitch" for across your ass. Now there's a good example.

I gave up coffee when I was trying to get pregnant with my first child; I gave up swearing after he was born. But instead of making me feel more like a Good Mommy, both of those things made me feel like I was sacrificing myself in the service of someone else's idea of the Good Mommy.

With my second child, I drank coffee in moderation and swore thoughtfully. And yes, that particular child CAN (and DOES) use "dammit" correctly and effectively (he's four), which gets me some frowns from the Good Mommy police. But I feel more like myself when I'm making my own rhetorical choices. And the majority of the time, I am incredibly thoughtful about my language, and I ask my sons to be as well.

Words are powerful, but it's easy to harness that power.

I have never really understood what the big deal was with "bad" words anyway.

Isn't the word fester a million times more appaling than the work fuck? Why isn't fester a curse word? Why is it perfectly acceptable to say puncture wound but not ass?

Society makes no sense to me sometimes.

That's right, you heard me.
Sarah and the Goon Squad ( http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/ )

I grew up in a home where every word under the sun was used. I was very proficient. I remember that in 6th grade my friends and I would take the long way home from school and we would curse like sailors...on purpose, for no reason. We thought we would be SOOOO cool! When I was in high school, I realized, in a sort of lightning bolt moment, that cursing didn't make me cool. Instead, I realzed that it alienated others around me, and just wasn't really necessary. I stopped almost overnight. Looking back I can't even trace that to a specific thing that happened. No one complained; I didn't get into trouble; I just decided I didn't want to do it anymore.

Every now and then a DAMN will sneak its way in there when I drop something on my foot...or do something similarly clumsy.

Otherwise...I just don't really need it.

Terri
Earthen Vessel Designs ( http://www.earthenvesseldesigns.com )

I never was a sailor, but I certainly used to drink like one and -- oh! -- the swearing. Fuck ya, we swore.

Unfortunately, most of my drinking buddies are still throwing back shots and I'm here in the suburbs with a lot of women who don't curse and never did.

I'm pretty careful not to punctuate my stories with words like "dude" and "fuck," but once in awhile, I'll let a swear word slip and by golly, do I get the looks. Swearing in front of someone's toddler is simply.not.okay.

So I've got no problem with people including curse words in a blog post written by an adult and for an adult. I'd much rather be offending people in the blogosphere than offending them at playgroup. Hate mail is easier to delete.

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/mommy-family )
Mom Writes ( http://marytsao.blogspot.com )

Words can be more than powerful. They can be life altering. But in the end, they are also only words. I'm not going to lose my mind over my kids picking up a bad word here or there, so long as they are respectful and polite little humans!

People need to stop trying to put us moms in a box. The box doesn't even exist anymore!

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain ( http://queenofspainblog.com/ )

Although I don't say 'fuck' in real life (well maybe in my head from time to time...haha), I write it sometimes while blogging. I use it when needed not because I can't think of a better word or am lacking in something. And anyone who has a problem with that, well too bad. As for kids saying some choice words, who cares? They're words and will learn what's appropriate and what's not and that there's a time and place for it. I hardly think a toddler saying bizatch should constitute hate mail towards said toddler's mother. Paaaaaallllllleeeeeeeese. Actually that said cute toddler, called me a bizatch personally, while on the phone and I was flattered. Hahahahahaa.

I am a child of the 60s and my kids got their vocabularies from me. Suffice it to say it was spicy - and my husband and I were notorious because our kids were allowed to swear. More than once, I kid you not, a kid was trotted up to me so our son could curse, right there in front of me and I could say - "and?"

My only comment on cursing - and it's more about the home front than online - is that later, when we moved from Manhattan to LA, one of my kids almost got thrown OUT OF THE CAR POOL because of his language. That particular driving daddy told him that the next time he used the F word he would be walking to school. I guess just as writers feel (correctly) entitled to use the language they choose, those other folks can seek company with tamer vocabularies, eh?

fuck yeah. :-)

Alotta Errata : Living life one mistake at a time ( http://www.alottaerrata.blogspot.com/ )

catching the edge of a hot stove, 'dammit'. But, one thing I will never quite stop cringing at... cursing 'AT' a child. Not around them, but, actually at them.

My son has said 'dammit' on one occasion that I know of, ~sigh~ but, he tries to slip in 'shit' all the time. Doesn't get the one from me. Gets it from his Dad. The high and mighty one who blamed me for 'the dammit incident' who rarely curses 'anymore' and refuses to accept that he says 'shit' no less than 40 times during a sports game or hunting expedition (they've only gone fishing together so far, but, have watched MANY baseball and football games). He just won't take responsibility for it though.

I think that's what this is about. Not about being someone else's ideal mom following stringent guidelines, but, about people being responsible and expecting to teach their children the same thing.

When I heard my toddler curse for the first time, I didn't laugh, I didn't spank him, I didn't yell at him... I just looked him in the eye and told him that there are very few places that a word like that is appropriate. It's his responsibility to know where those places are.

Melanie Perry
***not all who wander are lost***
http://mistressofthedorkness.blogspot.com